Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Daughter, is becoming a real nightmare!

32 replies

Bulldog01 · 20/11/2025 09:34

Daughter who is almost 32 & partner are living with us.They moved from their flat,the rent/bills were becoming unaffordable.

We thought at the time that, we did the right thing.We were hoping that they would be able to save,rent a cheaper flat or buy a house.At the same time maybe help out with odd jobs around the house! But no chance of that they are way too important to help with mundane tasks!

We charge them rent of £450.00.We are retired.They do not save, go out for meals,go on holiday,buy clothes.Daughter is always asking her dad for lifts.

Daughter is always pulling dad & I up example I'm talking too loud,or we have not used the correct grammar,etc etc.

We are not a loud family.This morning,I have just had enough! She just asked her dad, can he take her to the doctor's at 9.45am.Daughter,works from home,so we rarely get a break!

Daughters, partner is unemployed at the moment,but he is applying for jobs.I always thought,our daughter was a madam, this behaviour is really damaging our relationship.If I being honest, I really don't like the person she has become.

I would like her to move out.She is just so entitled,I cannot believe,she is our daughter! Dad & I are the complete opposites.I am struggling,

Obviously their is a lot more going on.
If I could afford to,I would move out,as I am really not happy with these dynamics
.
Christmas, cannot really bare the thought of spending any time with our Daughter & partner! Whatever we do it's probably going to have lasting implications for us as a family?

Would love to know,have you ever been in a similar situation? How the hell am I going to relsove this dilemma?

OP posts:

HermioneWeasley · 20/11/2025 09:37

You give them a deadline to move out

”the idea of you moving in was for a limited time so you could save up. I haven’t see that happening and therefore I’m giving you c months to move out. You’ll be able to save a deposit in that time. In the meantime you need to rent a desk in a shared working space to work from as it’s too much”

HermioneWeasley · 20/11/2025 09:38

She might sulk for a bit but she’s not going to cut you off - she’ll always want something

Donnyoh · 20/11/2025 09:39

HermioneWeasley · 20/11/2025 09:38

She might sulk for a bit but she’s not going to cut you off - she’ll always want something

Absolutely this. I have one who sounds remarkably like yours. Every so often, one needs to share a bit of reality with her.

rainbowstardrops · 20/11/2025 09:41

I absolutely wouldn’t tolerate that and they’re taking you for fools.
It’s one thing to help an adult child out if it enables them to save but the fact that they’re not, means they have no plans to move out at all!
And nobody would be pulling me up for talking too loud in my own home!!!
You either need to lay down some ground rules asap, or give them a date to have moved out by.

MinnieCauldwell · 20/11/2025 09:41

HermioneWeasley · 20/11/2025 09:37

You give them a deadline to move out

This. But maybe get Christmas Day out of the way first. Do you know if they are planning a family any time soon? That could be an added complication if you don't shift them soon.

HelpMeGetThrough · 20/11/2025 09:48

You could always do what my mum did with my brother 20 years ago. He got divorced and moved in to their place “only for a few weeks” whilst he sorted a place. It dragged on for 6 months as he couldn’t find a place to rent, as there “wasn’t much around”. He was pretty lazy around the house too.

She absolutely lost her shit on him one weekend and gave him one month to get out. Amazingly he found a perfect place.

Turns out he was just hoarding money from his £70,000+ a year job, as he was paying next to fuck all to live there and had no other expenses, didn’t even have to pay for fuel or a car, as that was all provided by work.

surreygirly · 20/11/2025 10:16

You just need a calm chat top tell them exactly how you feel without being emotiaonl and give them a month to find somewhere to move to

Seaoftroubles · 20/11/2025 10:29

Time to toughen up OP and make it clear they have outstayed their welcome. I certainly wouldn't tolerate being reprimanded in my own home for using the wrong grammar or speaking too loudly.Your daughter sounds very rude and entitled.
They have also broken the terms of the agreement between you where it was arranged that they could stay short term whilst they saved up. It's clear they are not doing that so give them a definite date when they need to move out. Will your husband support you when you speak to your daughter as you both need to be aligned on this?

NestEmptying · 20/11/2025 10:46

You aren't charging enough and she's taking advantage. Time for a reality check.
Work out a reasonable rent for a double room in a shared house in your area. (Asking AI is a good start with this) Add on an amount for services - cleaning, laundry, taxi etc (again Ai is good at this). Add on again for their share of bills - half is fair.
This will take 5 mins tops. Then look at that figure and see how much of a mug she's taking you for.

mbonfield · 20/11/2025 10:56

The answer is to speak to them both asap and make a list of observations and improvements that they have to make as it could well get worse that it is now.

Hand them the list and await their response. The pen is mightier that the sword!

Good luck they have to change.

Original poster

Bulldog01 · 20/11/2025 14:36

Thank you for your replies.I relly appreciate all your input.I will share this with my husband.
I need to do some work making a list regarding my concerns.Find a suitable time to speak with our daughter.Its going to be a case of tough love?

I know I am not doing her any favours! No one likes a spoilt adult.She has mentioned she has ADHD, but it's not confirmed? My other problems are her Dad & partner can be too soft with her! She knows that when it's important,I don't take prisoners!

Daughter & partner have no plans to have a child. Hallelujah!

OP posts:

Jugendstiel · 20/11/2025 14:41

I wouldn't leave it until Christmas. That would be weeks of tension brewing. There's time to chat now and clear the air.

Sit down with her and be blunt. Say: I'm pretty unhappy at how this living situation is working out. We thought we'd agreed that in return for living with us at a very reduced cost, you would help us out around the house. Instead you seem to have reverted to childhood, refusing to help, making demands and telling us off. You have a choice. You can find somewhere else to live or we can reset the arrangement for you living here in which we are all behaving as responsible adults. You pay your way, do a fair share of any inconvenient tasks and behave with respect and consideration towards us. Both options are fine but the current one isn't.

averylongtimeago · 20/11/2025 14:45

You’ve been given some really good advice- but I’m sorry, if my daughter told me off for being too loud in my own home I would show her what “loud” was!

Loud singing while hovering, noisy music (79’s heavy rock) and so on. They are too comfortable!

user836367392 · 20/11/2025 17:47

Send the boyfriend to his parents

Aligirlbear · 20/11/2025 18:07

I would give them a deadline to move out - they are in your home and should respect your rules / how you choose to live and telling you off for being too loud in your own home is totally unacceptable.

Currently they are treating you like their servants / personal cheque book. Would suggest that you sit down with them , effectively serve 3 months notice for them to move out and explain the ground rules while they remain, helping with the house work, not relying on dad for lifts, and serve them with an immediate rent increase ( check out locally how much a double room in a house share is per month - I’m sure it is more than £450 ! )

IsawwhatIsaw · 20/11/2025 18:24

I would sit down as soon as possible and explain what you’ve put here-you want her to leave. One month to find somewhere .
Enough is enough. You are uncomfortable in your own home and that’s a horrible situation for you.

Whatadayyyyyyy · 20/11/2025 18:28

I’m sorry but I think you have made things far too easy for them to the point why on earth would they want to leave? I think you need to set a deadline for them to move out. It doesn’t have to be a big confrontation, just say we agreed this as a temporary measure and although we have enjoyed your company we need to have our own space back, give them a deadline for getting their shit together and moving out. If you don’t address it they will never move

HonoriaBulstrode · 20/11/2025 18:42

She just asked her dad, can he take her to the doctor's at 9.45am.

Why can't her partner take her if he's not currently working?
Or assuming she's not suffering from flu or something genuinely debilitating, she takes herself, like an adult.

And why hasn't partner got some seasonal warehouse or hospitality work while he's looking for something permanent? Just a few shifts a week would make a difference.

I'd give them a deadline of mid-January to be out. Faffing about with lists of house rules just kicks the can down the road. You'd always have to be watching that things didn't slip again.

PlumpHobbit · 20/11/2025 20:49

Could you at the very least say to your daughter your home is always available to her, however its no longer working for partner to stay too (you are not obliged to include him)

This may then give both the kick up the bum needed to find their own place

Sounds like they have it too good, they get to be together as a couple but using your very generous hospitality

Make clear to her she is welcome to stay but if she does these are the rules that Will need to be followed, but its no longer tenable for him to be there too

Youre almost being too nice, they are getting to play house, while not even using your generosity to save for a house which is what you intended it for. If they were that keen to buy together there'd be no holidays and less nights out

I can understand wanting to allow your daughter somewhere to live, she's your daughter after all (although Make clear you expect x y and z in your home) but partner needs to be gone by x date

SunflowerTed · 20/11/2025 23:10

I think I would just sit them down and ask their future plans. Tell them firmly as much as you love them you are ready to have your house back and what plans are they making to move

angela1952 · 21/11/2025 18:06

Bulldog01 · 20/11/2025 14:36

Daughter & partner have no plans to have a child. Hallelujah!

My DD has been diagnosed (as an adult) with ADHD. She is very self-centred when it comes to me and her DF, but she's very good when it comes to others. If she's not actually been diagnosed I wouldn't take too much notice of her claims.
I agree with others that you should tell her that she needs to leave and give her a date to move by. I'm guessing that you don't charge her for food or for the household bills either, so £450 a month is nothing for rent for two people, it's your house and your life so you don't have to put up with this. Good luck!

oldmoaner · 21/11/2025 18:19

Id say I'm sorry but this isn't working out as expected. Your making no effort to find somewhere to rent, your working from home we huch in future until you move out you can work in your bedroom. I'll give you x amount of time to find somewhere but if you don't you'll have to rent a room somewhere else. I really want my home back, just me and your dad and peace to do what we want to do in OUR home. So, I suggest you start saving and looking for somewhere.

78e22387FFGH · 21/11/2025 18:43

GENERALISTION ALERT WARNING

I put on another post today or yesterday, how 28 to 32 year olds are so rude, full of themselves and entitled. They feel they can do no wrong and harangue us parents for any perceived slights. They also are so serious (on their own terms) and so much is a debate. Yawn.

They are exhausting. I have children either side of these ages too, that look at their siblings in this bracket with despair.

What on earth was in the water between 28 to 32 years ago???

Judecb · 21/11/2025 19:13

She's 32! You need to be upfront and frank with her.
She needs to get a grip on her finances, understand budgeting and move out!
She's completely taking advantage of you!

ChachaIntheLongrun · 21/11/2025 19:39

Not at 32. Up to 24, ok, after that the real life has to dawn. If not too bad when I am no longer here or her father

Flip

1 2