To go on long weekend away or not

[UniqueOpalSwan]

Friend has invited me on a long weekend away with others ( I’m not sure how many invited but I guess about 6/7). I immediately said yes but last week they told me they had to think long and hard about including me as they were concerned I wouldn’t fit in. The silly thing is I am known as the life and soul , take me along to make strangers talk etc so this is totally out of the blue. They won’t discuss any more but say I am welcome so do I go or not ?

last week they told me they had to think long and hard about including me as they were concerned I wouldn’t fit in.

Why on earth did they tell you this?

Maybe it’s a more chilled, silent retreat vibe they are after?

I’d tell her to stick her weekend! Who does that?! She should have done her thinking before inviting you, not after!

Oh wow. I’d be really offended and probably pull out tbh

I don’t think I could go after that OP. Why on earth would they tell you that?

Don't go
Drop them

Sod that, don't go. You'd be so uncomfortable, worrying that you're not doing the right things.

I’m not sure that’s a friend!
Knowing that the others had already got together and dissected my personality would have upset me.
Personally, I wouldn’t go.

Although, if this group of friends is known for their kindness towards you, it could be that they were trying to save you from having a rubbish weekend. If they want Scrabble, bird-watching and s’mores by the fire, when you’d be up for karaoke, a pub crawl and a rave, they might just be looking out for you!

Did she mean she didn’t know if you would have a good time because of the way her other friends are, or because she thought you might ruffle them?

Life and Soul types aren’t always appreciated by quieter introverts (I am a L&S type…)

I think you need to tell her that she needs to be open and honest about why she said that so that if it IS one of your characteristics you can be sensitive and aware. But if you don’t know what she means you risk upsetting someone or putting yourself in a situation where you are ostracised. So if she can’t give you her full thoughts you need to cancel.

How incredibly rude! I would be asking for an explanation and probably pulling out of the weekend and the friendship unless she is able to clarify in a way that wasn’t offensive. Is she normally like this?

Wow - that is rude! I’d make it easy for her and pull out. As a pp said, she’s no friend…..!

"Fitting in" can mean so many different things but I've found it's usually used in a snobbish/social class way. So I'd be thinking your friend and the others are snooty and will be looking down their nose at you and the way you like to do things, so I'd just cancel it and refuse to discuss as well if she brings it up.

I wouldn’t go where I am not welcome and I couldn’t be friends with someone who had made me feel so awkward.

Bizarre thing to say to you! and I'd definitely not go

I would absolutely not go. How could you relax and be yourself under those circumstances?

Lots of contextual information missing — do you not know the others going, other than the friend who invited you? Are you a last-minute replacement for a dropout? Who is the ‘they’ who told you they’d thought long and hard about inviting you as they were worried you wouldn’t fit in — is this the friend who invited you, or the whole group? Either way, why tell you?

Finally, being the ‘life and soul of the party’ really depends on the party.

That is so rude OP. I honestly would not go.

I’d tell them to stick the weekend where the sun doesn’t shine. It was rude of her to say that especially after they’d invited you and you’d accepted. I’d ask her what she meant by it especially as I presume you were told what the plans for the weekend are.

Some context, basically they always invite somebody that I don’t get on with although neither does anyone else however my age I find it hard to hide whereas others just go along with it. Because I’ve made it known I guess that’s why they’re struggling to include me however for the past 15 years of the friendship, I was the one who was included. When I say the life of the party I mean it was always me relied upon to ensure everyone got along , as I was good at chatting to people that didn’t get on , not a party Bunny especially at my age !

Don't go, Op.

OK, well tbh, I see why the inviter was concerned if you have a history of being unable or unwilling to hide your dislike of people, but it’s still not clear why this friend (a) invited you on the weekend in the first place if this is a likely consequence, and (b) told you they had concerns about if you would fit in after they did invite you — I mean, did they tell you in the hope it would make you try to rub along either whoever? But why would the friend invite two people who don’t get on on a weekend away anyway? It sounds doomed.

I immediately said yes but last week they told me they had to think long and hard about including me as they were concerned I wouldn’t fit in

What?! I would tell them to fuck right off after this!!!

Have you posted before about being annoyed your former best friend now didn’t invite you out on her social occasions, but just had you over for ‘non special’ dinners of pizza and chips, and you thought she was only in it for some perks you got via your job? Is the friend organising the weekend away the same person?

Hi hair oil - yes I did - same people - I bit the bullet and had it out with them preparing to end the friendship if necessary and the remark came out of this discussion - basically she will always put the other girl first !

If you don't like this person, presumably you wouldn't want to go away with the group anyway? I don't go away with groups where I dislike one person, what a waste of my time and energy.