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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stay or Go

18 replies

BrowsingGuy · 13/11/2025 19:47

Hello all, I have recently moved into a new relationship with F(31). Things with her started off amazing, she would love bomb me endlessly, surprise me with things, cook constantly, all seem minor but things I was not used to in previous relationships. After a month of knowing one another she would say things like 'I cant picture my life without you' 'i wouldnt be able to live if I lost you'. I didnt think too much of it and thought she was just someone maybe who over loved. 2 months in she mentions marriage a lot 'when would we get married' 'where' she would send my wedding songs and ask my opinion etc... 3 months in she booked a surprise holiday and spent a lot of money on holiday clothes for me without me knowing and refused to take them back despite my best efforts to convince her. Month 4 something changes, she starts arguing with me more over tiny things but she would explode. She would hug me and if she thought my hug was 'off' she would insult me 'you are such a d* head, why have you even come round, go home get out' then shortly after she would come back crying and apologising. This wasn't once or twice, it became almost daily. Then I started piecing together some information from her perhaps because she made me now more observant with how she was acting. She had told me in month 1 her ex knew about us and the cat was out of the bag. In month 2 I remembered she got a phone call from him and said to me 'keep quiet a second whilst I get this, he doesn't know about us yet'. Another occasion she had told me her gucci sunglasses cost her £300. Then I remembered at her mums house around month 3, her mum saying 'ohh got your sunglasses on i got you from Turkey'. Another occasion was some guy kept calling her around month 1, she explained it was a recruiter who kept pestering her although he was saved in her phone, I thought nothing of it. Month 3ish we are out for dinner and again he is calling. She airs the call but shortly after excuses herself to use the restroom with her phone. She explained it was 'a rugby coach at her Sons club' forgetting she had told me a few months ago it was a recruiter. I didn't challenge it then, I wanted to see how it would unfold later on. The final straw was when she had told me she booked business class for a holiday with her Son in month 4. I found this bizzare as the flight wasn't so long and seemed a waste of money. When she got back I helped her with her cases etc and seen her boarding passes both reading 'economy'. I didnt bring it up until a few days later she was arguing with me and I could no longer hold my tongue. I explained my emotions have changed because some things were bugging me. Shes shouting at me 'well go on then spit it out!' I explained all these lies i have been watching unfold over the last 4 months. She EXPLODED. Spun it back on me 'we are OVER! Take your things your a horrible toxic narcissistic person and I wish i never met you!' I left but again she came back crying apologising explaining she had lied to try and impress me and the guy on the phone was actually someone who her friend put her in touch with to get these cheaper weight loss jabs but she was too embarrassed to tell me. I told her we needed a good honest talk. She put it all down to her childhood and believes she has an issue where she feels the need to impress people all the time and make others happy and if they aren't she gets overcome with anxiety. She was very teary eyed snd it seemed somewhat genuine.

However, I dont know now if to proceed or not. I do like her and we had some pretty good times at the start but I am conscious it hasn't been long at all and all thats gone on... what should I do!

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 13/11/2025 19:55

Run for the fecking hills, son! It's been 4 months and you've already found out she's a compulsive liar, probably a cheat, and you've experienced verbal abuse and emotional blackmail from her. You'd be an absolute fool to stick around.

BrowsingGuy · 13/11/2025 20:01

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 13/11/2025 19:55

Run for the fecking hills, son! It's been 4 months and you've already found out she's a compulsive liar, probably a cheat, and you've experienced verbal abuse and emotional blackmail from her. You'd be an absolute fool to stick around.

Hahaha that made me laugh so thank you! My gut knows what to do but my heart wont let go of the good times because in fairness there was some

OP posts:
TakeMyAdvice · 13/11/2025 20:05

Jeez, she s flakey indeed.
Proceed with caution.
Your only 4 months in .
She s manipulating the truth here ( at the very least )and turning on you when you re questioning her lies.
It s not looking good for the future.
I think you ll need to cut ties ,no gentle let down or explanations are going to work with this girl. She ll either be completely devastated or she ll turn nasty on you.

BrowsingGuy · 13/11/2025 20:10

TakeMyAdvice · 13/11/2025 20:05

Jeez, she s flakey indeed.
Proceed with caution.
Your only 4 months in .
She s manipulating the truth here ( at the very least )and turning on you when you re questioning her lies.
It s not looking good for the future.
I think you ll need to cut ties ,no gentle let down or explanations are going to work with this girl. She ll either be completely devastated or she ll turn nasty on you.

Adios you reckon yeah?

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 13/11/2025 20:14

She's a pathological liar isn't she? Don't walk, run, run far away.

Love bombing isn't a good thing by the way. It's a coercive and controlling tactic, designed to manipulate you.

Also this habit of blowing up, calling you names, storming out... and then crying the next day and being all conciliatory is bonkers. Red Flag 101.

StyledByTheFlumps · 13/11/2025 20:18

If you’re turning to the internet to ask if you should stay or go, the answer is usually go.

thisisalot · 13/11/2025 20:21

From experience, this sounds like textbook borderline personality disorder. Run while you can

sarahbear87 · 13/11/2025 20:22

Bloody hell that all sounds very full on and intense for 4 months. Ye should be in the honeymoon period at 4 months in not dealing will all that drama. I agree with pp run for the hills And don't look back.

Thecatthatgotthesouredmilk · 13/11/2025 20:36

I'm getting Amber Heard vibes.

FinallyHere · 13/11/2025 21:30

Don’t stay in a relationship which you genuinely relive started with love bombing.

Neveranynamesleft · 13/11/2025 23:11

End it.

WrylyAmused · 13/11/2025 23:22

Another vote for possible BPD and definitely for leaving!

UpDownAllAround1 · 14/11/2025 00:30

You know this is bonkers don’t you

Wouldwoodknot · 14/11/2025 17:10

I just happened across the other thread you posted yesterday afternoon.

Apparently you cheated on your ex wife, the mother of your child, multiple times over the course of 12 years, then your relationship ended 4 months ago due to you cheating again (with the woman you’re with now?). Now your ex wants you back and you’re weighing up your options.

Is this a reverse? Or are you writing a story?

On the off chance it’s genuine, of course you shouldn’t “proceed” with this poor woman. She’s right to call you horrible and toxic, and the only thing that’s been “bugging” you is deciding if it’s worth rekindling with your ex if it means you might sometimes have to hear about what an absolute shit you’ve been to her.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5443652-pleading-for-advice-and-help?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Pleading for advice and help!!! | Mumsnet

Hello, i am a guy and new here so please bare with. I am 30 years old. I have recently 4 months ago ended my relationship with long term partner and m...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5443652-pleading-for-advice-and-help

ForTipsyFinch · 14/11/2025 19:34

Sigh.

ForTipsyFinch · 14/11/2025 19:36

Wouldwoodknot · 14/11/2025 17:10

I just happened across the other thread you posted yesterday afternoon.

Apparently you cheated on your ex wife, the mother of your child, multiple times over the course of 12 years, then your relationship ended 4 months ago due to you cheating again (with the woman you’re with now?). Now your ex wants you back and you’re weighing up your options.

Is this a reverse? Or are you writing a story?

On the off chance it’s genuine, of course you shouldn’t “proceed” with this poor woman. She’s right to call you horrible and toxic, and the only thing that’s been “bugging” you is deciding if it’s worth rekindling with your ex if it means you might sometimes have to hear about what an absolute shit you’ve been to her.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5443652-pleading-for-advice-and-help?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

He’s clearly one of those who gets on sharing his fantasies to a female audience. Probably has his hands down his pants as we speak.

WhatAKnob47 · 14/11/2025 19:41

You need to catch a grip. You are 4 months in. This really is as good as it gets. Its only downhill from here. This is the best behaviour and honeymoon period time.

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