'Your mood swings...

[interested2know]

..affect the entire house'.... to be so bothered about my partner saying this to me? I don't consider myself to have mood swings? Apart from generally grievances of have two small children??

It's impossible to say who is right here because we don't live with you.

Ask him for some examples and have a conversation from there.

Nobody can tell you whether you're BU based on what you've written.

If one person in a house has mood swings, it does affect the whole house.

If you do have mood swings then of course they can affect the whole house.

If you don't then he's being an arse accusing you of having them

Or maybe what he sees as a mood swing you don't

Have you pulled him up on something and he didnt like it?

Tell us what these 'general grievances of having two small children' are like in practice.

People who have mood swings are often unaware of them. So I am rooting for your partner here.

We don’t live with you so hard to tell without examples

Is he right?

I used to have a housemate who could change the entire mood of the house just with his presence when he'd had a bad day.

He wasn't actively taking his mood out on anyone, but he certainly didn't make any effort to make living with him any more tolerable.

Personally, if I'm in a foul mood, I'll generally try to take myself off for a bit, read a book in my room, or make an effort to be cheerful with my family despite not feeling it (providing they're not the cause of it)

Is he shutting you down every time you try to discuss the kids etc if you don't think you're having mood swings? Is it that he wants you to just get on with things in silence?

I lived with someone with mood swing whilst in my twenties

bloody awful!!!

At different times I've had to say this to my partner, and he's had to say the same to me, but we meant it in love. Often the person isn't aware of how their mood affects the household, and it can be really hard on everyone. Having young kids is really hard as well, so I get it.

Thankyou everyone for your replies.. I just asked him for an example... he said he wouldnt give me one.. but... I think he's talking about when I get cross with him - if I think he's being rude or when I think he's spoken to me badly.. (for example like when he got angry at me for feeding the baby and then ordered me to leave the room several times) ....and he's saying that me getting upset about that is a mood swing.. and he wants a 'safe word' to use for me to step away from the baby so he can take over...

Sounds like an unhappy marriage
and pretty horrible environment for children

@Repsoff I agree with you.. I think it's just if I'm fine with the kids and we're having a nice time then he comes in and starts at me and then if I get upset he gets more cross and orders me to go away from the kids it just feels so unfair and I feel completely powerless..

Sounds worrying, possibly abusive. Does he generally twist things so they're 'your fault' and make you feel like you're 'being hysterical' or going mad?

What's the relationship like, how long together, are you of equal status (financially, housework etc)? He doesn't sound very pleasant or respectful of you, based on what's written so far.

Don’t live with you so I wouldn’t know..

is he generally controlling? Stopping you from doing this, trying to take power over your every move? If yes, divorce or have a serious chat. Look for someone caring—it’s much better for the kids now rather than later…

are your mood swings extreme? Angry to upset, happy to upset/angry,, if yes, then I assume he’s right. Mood swings can affect the whole house considering at least someone is going to be effected by them…

Thankyou @SassyPearlEagle for your reply.. yes things are always 'my fault' and a number of times when we've argued he's called me 'unwell'. We've been together 3 years .. im a stay at home mum and he is in control of the finances..

@ossamu I generally find him very controlling.. he won't let me have any say in which nursery our toddler goes to and won't let me do any of the toddlers admin (including booking doctors appointments).. he wouldn't even let me keep my wristband from the hospital when DS2 was born (even though we and DS1) had one each.

i really don't think I have mood swings at all... what I can read 'A mood swing is an extreme or sudden change of mood' which is not me. I get upset with DH when I feel he's being unfair but I'm always trying to create a warm, positive environment around the kids 'it's my number 1 priority...

That's really bad. Definitely some form of abuse, coercive control. I'm not very knowledgeable about these things, but can you contact Women's Aid? Tell them everything, they'll be able to advise you on options.

And forget about 'mood swings'. It's all in HIS head. Don't let him paint you as a bad mother, you sound like you're trying really hard to protect them from his moods.

Hi there InterestedToKnow. We wanted to post some links to support here, just in case they were of use. Here's our Relationships Webguide https://www.mumsnet.com/i/relationships-webguide and there are also a few numbers on our domestic abuse webguide that may be of use too: https://www.mumsnet.com/i/domestic-violence-webguide.

We can see you've had lots of good advice here but if you ever want us to move the thread over to our Relationships board, just drop us a line.

Thankyou so much @SassyPearlEagle I really appreciate your reply and thankyou also @HebeMumsnetxx

He's now saying that he thinks im not safe around our toddler.. he's used the words 'erratic behaviour, not safe, and concerning' and he will take the baby away when he sees that... im just so upset.. I feel like I'm being squashed..

Please contact women's aid, this is classic manipulative behaviour in an abusive relationship.

Home - Women's Aid https://share.google/qKjnbugKuXMyh4lNv

Pardon my language, but he's being a dickhead. How dare he try to gaslight you into thinking you're mad! Remember, you're not the problem here.

If you haven't contacted WA yet, please do.

Have you got friends or family you can confide in, too? "Abuse thrives in secrecy" as they say. Tell people, let them support you. He's trying to isolate and diminish you.