Loss of libido aged 60

UpDownAllAround1 · 06/11/2025 13:15

Really depends what he wants and his needs are

Screamingabdabz · 06/11/2025 13:18

I think by 60 it’s pretty natural to slow down in that dept (yes I know there are people still swinging from the lampshades at all ages…) but I personally know 5 middle aged couples (late 50s) who have no sex now so ime I think that’s normal.

DH is going to have to work it out for himself. Does he want a loving relationship or does he want to be trawling around for someone willing to have sex with a desperate 60 year old man? As far as I’d be concerned it’s not your problem. Your body says it’s done with sex. And at 60 that’s fine. There is more to life.

Original poster

MyCheekyEagle · 06/11/2025 13:29

@Screamingabdabz no he doesnt want to be trawling around like a desperate 60 year old. He loves me & is not a sad leech. He puts no pressure on me either.
But as pp have said in other threads in the past about sex being a normal part of marriage it's not fair on the partner who still wants to. Others have even advised to set their partners free for someone who does want them.

OP posts:

MeganM3 · 06/11/2025 13:35

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a low libido. It is what it is. If you want to work on it, then that’s a possibility - there are lots of suggestions around on how to get back into it. But you might not want to and that is fine (and pretty normal!).
It is also fine to turn a blind eye if he were to have a sexual relationship with someone else, many do, that’s your prerogative and between the two of you.
He might already have something like this that you’re unaware of, if the relationship is mainly non-sexual. You never know.

If you both want to stay in the relationship and are generally very happy together there seems to be no reason to ‘set him free’ as you suggest. There are no set rules, it’s your relationship.

BreakingBroken · 06/11/2025 13:37

Sex is a normal part of marriage but wains as we age. Women experience menopausal changes and men also experience decreased drive and abilities (often related to normal prostate changes).
Maybe reframe that intimacy is normal in marriage vs the sex act.

3luckystars · 06/11/2025 14:06

What thread was that? I must have missed it. Sounds very unusual.

None of my friends are still having sex in their marriage. The only ones I know having sex are in new relationships. What a miserable fact to know and I wish I didn’t.

Moetandchandelier · 06/11/2025 14:54

Hi op, can I ask if you would feel jealous and upset if your dh had a sexual relationship with someone else? I am in a similar situation to you and unfortunately still can't bear the thought of my dh touching anyone else. Wrong of me I know.

LochSunart · 06/11/2025 16:07

@Screamingabdabz "... does he want to be trawling around for someone willing to have sex with a desperate 60 year old man?"

A 60-year old woman, maybe? The desire for sex is a natural thing; why characterise it as desperation? I'm in the same situation as this man. Obviously, I can't speak for him: he may be fine celibate. But enforced sexlessness in a marriage can cause depression. Read the sexless marriage thread(s) if you don't believe that. And the effect is the same on the women in his position.

@MyCheekyEagle None of this is to blame you; you can't help how you feel.

MrsPrendergast · 06/11/2025 16:11

MyCheekyEagle · 06/11/2025 13:29

@Screamingabdabz no he doesnt want to be trawling around like a desperate 60 year old. He loves me & is not a sad leech. He puts no pressure on me either.
But as pp have said in other threads in the past about sex being a normal part of marriage it's not fair on the partner who still wants to. Others have even advised to set their partners free for someone who does want them.

Do you think losing 7 stone (to see if that helps your libido) might be better all round than ending the marriage?

elviswhorley · 06/11/2025 17:33

In sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, 'til death do us part

Is this all dependent on getting sex?

3luckystars · 06/11/2025 20:25

Yes it is for me anyway.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 06/11/2025 20:30

It is normal for desire to come down but totally grinding to a halt isn't ideal when with a bit of luck you have another 25 years together.

A few thoughts.. do you think that if you started having sex, a bit, your interest might increase? I do find it works a bit like that with me. Would you consider losing weight - ? because health wise it would be good - that might help. You could also talk to the doc re HRT if you wanted to consider that.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 06/11/2025 20:31

elviswhorley · 06/11/2025 17:33

In sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, 'til death do us part

Is this all dependent on getting sex?

I don't think anyone is saying that, but it is part of the marriage package (with my body I thee worship, if we're quoting vows)

LochSunart · 06/11/2025 20:48

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 06/11/2025 20:31

I don't think anyone is saying that, but it is part of the marriage package (with my body I thee worship, if we're quoting vows)

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The huge and unsolvable problem is that the person who goes off sex is saying to the other, "I have now signed you up to a lifelong vow of celibacy."

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 06/11/2025 22:37

HRT plus testosterone. May ( probably will) bring it back. Worth a try.

RollyPollyBatFace · 06/11/2025 23:24

I would say that being 7 stone overweight will be greatly impacting libido - along with the usual menopausal type stuff.

it’s no quick fix I appreciate but I’d concentrate on losing weight, and considering a little HRT and testosterone - see how that feels

Screamingabdabz · 07/11/2025 00:06

Oh as per usual on these threads it’s all incumbent on the wife to medicate herself and change herself at all costs so her husband can get his dick wet. 🙄

Yes sex and intimacy is part of marriage but it’s not everything. If he ‘loves you and he’s not a sad leech’ maybe he could be more creative about how he finds sexual pleasure by himself while he adapts to the new circumstances?

1971girl · 07/11/2025 01:49

MyCheekyEagle · 06/11/2025 13:10

My problem is the opposite of a recent op. I'm the one who's lost interest. I'm 60 and haven't been interested for a long time. If anything happened to my dh I would never want another relationship.
I do take care of him occasionally but it's still not fair on him to think this is it forever. Neither of us wants to split up. We love each other very much and there are no underlying resentments from me regarding him. I couldn't have asked for anything more in our marriage. He's still good looking & slim too
I sailed through menopause without hrt. I'm 7 stone overweight though and I inwardly cringe at my body being touched.
Dh still wants a fulfilling marriage with me, despite all of this. Is there any hope for us, or should i set him free.

I am 54 and my sex drive has gone. I honestly don't care if I ever have sex again. I get it.

elviswhorley · 07/11/2025 07:32

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 06/11/2025 20:31

I don't think anyone is saying that, but it is part of the marriage package (with my body I thee worship, if we're quoting vows)

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Don't recall that bit. I think they've eased that one out mostly?

But it isn't it? Not saying there's malice, but it is, and I find that strange.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 07/11/2025 08:05

elviswhorley · 07/11/2025 07:32

Don't recall that bit. I think they've eased that one out mostly?

But it isn't it? Not saying there's malice, but it is, and I find that strange.

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wedding-wise I think it's in the bit at the end when the ring goes on

but yeah it is - and when people end up in v different places it does rather create an unsolvable problem as PP says

Gloriia · 07/11/2025 08:31

Op.You have an attractive dh who wants intimacy, that should be a part of a healthy relationship.

How will you feel when he has a fling because we see it on here all the time 'we don't have sex but dp wants to stay', yes until an enthusiastic third party appears on the scene then you'll be discovering sexts and alsorts. I'd encourage you to snoop on his phone now tbh I would bet a tenner that he is getting some fun somewhere even if just porn.

I'm not suggesting you force yourself to do anything. Just work on your self esteem, I'm sure you are very attractive to your dh. Try and imagine how you'd feel alone and think it is worth investing in the physical side of your relationship. Read some adult content books to get in the mood, try sex toys. Find what turns you on and involve your dh.

Iwanttoliveinagardencentre · 07/11/2025 08:38

As someone of a similar age my first thought was hasn’t he had enough sex by 60?!
I do understand from reading MN that apparently lots of people don’t feel the same though.
Can’t he just have a wank?
If, and it is very much IF, you are unhappy with your weight I would very much recommend considering mounjaro. I have lost 9 stones with no side effects.

Gloriia · 07/11/2025 08:46

Iwanttoliveinagardencentre · 07/11/2025 08:38

As someone of a similar age my first thought was hasn’t he had enough sex by 60?!
I do understand from reading MN that apparently lots of people don’t feel the same though.
Can’t he just have a wank?
If, and it is very much IF, you are unhappy with your weight I would very much recommend considering mounjaro. I have lost 9 stones with no side effects.

He could just have a wank yes but it isn't about ejaculating it is about the connection that there is when people have a physical relationship.

We hear it all the time, someone I know has just split from her dp of 20yrs, no sex for the last 10 and 'he was happy with that' (people have to be don't they, what choice do they have) but then it all changes when they get the chance with someone else.

I'd say to anyone who thinks their dp is happy in a sexless relationship with a sneaky wank downstairs, they aren't they are just making do until another option appears.

Subwaystop · 07/11/2025 11:38

Gloriia · 07/11/2025 08:46

He could just have a wank yes but it isn't about ejaculating it is about the connection that there is when people have a physical relationship.

We hear it all the time, someone I know has just split from her dp of 20yrs, no sex for the last 10 and 'he was happy with that' (people have to be don't they, what choice do they have) but then it all changes when they get the chance with someone else.

I'd say to anyone who thinks their dp is happy in a sexless relationship with a sneaky wank downstairs, they aren't they are just making do until another option appears.

Edited

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So what is your suggestion? If a woman losses her libido with age and is still in a long term partnership full of love, physical connection (albeit not sex) and so many years of shared history, that she deserves to be cheated on? That she should ignore how she feels and put out?

wineandagoodbook · 07/11/2025 11:50

OP I am the same and I am 48, I just don't want it at all, we can go weeks and I go along with it when he has a go but I feel i do it out of duty than desire, I would quite happily not have it again