Do I leave I am really scared

[LoveHate00]

Long story short
been with my man for a year we live together and he provides everything for me
i gave up my life for him, but if I did walk away I could go back to my old job and lifestyle so finance isn’t a issue we got no kids together and I’m free and independent

I do love my partner but he’s so cold towards me
when ever I question him he just shuts me down never wants to talk
he only takes it seriously when I say I’m leaving and promises to change but never does

he literally works all the time which is fair enough he’s a entrepreneur and his life is his work
but we see each other a few hours on a evening not even that and he just falls asleep
we barely have sex only when we wants
lucky to have it once a week

he wasn’t like this before considering he still did the same job and responsibilities
but he’s gone so cold so quickly
if we had been married years I get it the spark can die
but after a year I don’t see this normal
i am still the same
i would love to have sex daily if possible

he never wants to kiss me he only kisses me when we have sex
its really gone boring
i feel like he’s turning into more a father figure or a family figure than a partner

he never wants to do anything I find myself doing stuff alone
a day out with him is going up the supermarket shopping
i don’t know what to do anymore
im tired of moaning i probley sound like a grumpy
old hag
every night I’m just awake alone watching tv like as we speak and he’s asleep by 8pm
im starting to think if life would be better alone
i need some excitement im a very social person and have a lot of friends and a really different life before I met him
i am scared to leave because I do love him but he can be really set in his ways and talk to me so horribly and selfish
i do everything for him
cook
clean
iron
I really have become a sit in housewife but I don’t think deep down I deserve this or am I being selfish
I am only 38
all I want is abit of affection but I can’t tell him he said that’s how he is and to deal with it

Yes definitely leave, life is too short

I feel abit mean saying the highlight is going to the supermarket because in the summer we was going on his boat on a weekend
but it’s just his coldness and selfish ways
i dont see why he doesn’t want me its like I’ve got to beg my boyfriend for a kiss or sex
i don’t see it normal
i never had a relationship like this before
its more like family than lovers

It's really not working, you aren't comparable - leave and go back to your old job etc.

And don't give up your life for anyone again, no one should ask or encourage someone to do that.

It doesn't sound like there's anything to be scared off, It'll just be a bit bumpy in transition. Sort out a plan before you tell him.

It sounds like he is upto no good. I would assess the damage through couples counseling first. Intimacy is very important for marriage. Especially on the mans side. If a man isnt intimate it usually means he is going elsewhere and investing it a different way.

Leave, he probably has multiple women meeting his needs while you wait up for him. Run, to your old job, make some money and live happily and meet someone who doesn't make you doubt a thing x

They're not married, they've been together a year and she's scared of him.

What are you scared of?

It’s ok to leave an unhappy relationship that doesn’t meet your needs.
You need to know that and tell yourself that.

Leave him, look forward to a better future.

He only kisses you when you have sex? He doesn’t want to spend time with you? He talks to you in a horrible way?

Oh come on, OP I think you need to open your eyes. He clearly doesn’t like you.

A lot of men are with women they don’t like but won’t end the relationship (at least not until they’ve found a replacement). Often the case is they don’t like women in general apart from to have sex with, and for convenience- social status, having a clean house, home cooked meals. help with admin and splitting bills.

He will happily continue the charade as long as he continues to benefit from your relationship despite his disdain of you as a person. You are going to be the one who calls time on it. Don’t threaten to leave him, just get your ducks in a row, pack your bags and leave! Tell him afterwards you have left or leave a letter. Make it clear it’s not up for discussion.

Scared of him? - Or scared of single life if you leave him?

It all sounds pretty grim, where is the lightness, the friendship the respect?
Your choice of course, but to face a future with this man continuing in the rut your relationship seems to be, looks pretty miserable.

I don’t quite understand why ‘you gave up your life for him’. That was not a smart move.

You sound lonely and unfulfilled 😕 and it’s so understandable you’re questioning things. From what you describe, it doesn’t necessarily sound like he’s seeing other women like some above suggest (though of course no one online can know that). What stands out more to me is how emotionally unavailable and dismissive he sounds.

Some people with an avoidant attachment style can behave like this - they pull away or shut down when things feel too emotionally demanding or when intimacy requires vulnerability. They can work excessively or keep busy as a way to avoid emotional closeness, and it sounds a bit like that might fit here.

I also wonder how old he is and what his previous relationship patterns were - whether this is how he’s always been once the initial “honeymoon” phase fades. People don’t usually change these patterns unless they want to and actively work on them.

What’s really clear though is you’re unhappy and not being met emotionally or physically. You’ve already tried to talk to him, and it doesn’t sound like he’s open to hearing you. When someone tells you “that’s just how I am,” they’re effectively saying they’re not going to try.

You sound self-aware, strong, and capable - and since you said you’re financially independent, you really do have choices here. You don’t sound selfish at all for wanting affection, connection, and shared life. Those are basic emotional needs.

Dear Lord, yes leave!!
Get your life back!

He sounds dreadful. Leave!!

You've sleepwalked into a situation that's bad for you now and REALLY bad for you in the future. You can get a job and start again now, but what if he decides to replace you in 20 years when you're nearly 60, have no recent work experience and no pension to fall back on? You're not married, you have no rights. He clearly just wants his shirts ironed and his dinner on the table when he gets in, not a loving relationship. Get your life back.

What do you do for yourself? Why don't you work now?
You sound desperately unhappy OP. Unfortunately the man you are seeing now is the real him. He can't be bothered to keep up the act now he's got his live-in housekeeper.

Just leave, OP...you're flogging a dead horse, this isn't going to get any better.

Just act on what you know instead of seeking validation for the decision from random strangers.

Leave OP! You have become his housekeeper and nothing more. This won't get better if you have only been together only a year. Go back to your old life and start afresh. What are your frightened of, him or starting again?

Why did you give up your life for his? You're now the skivvy of a boring, mean, selfish man you've only known a year. Thank god you've got a life to go back to!

Just leave - and raise your expectations and sense of self-worth.

Thanks everyone for your responses
i spoke to him this evening and it turnt into me crying as always and him falling asleep ignoring me
i said it’s better we call it a day
same old crap he tries to hug me I love u and ends the conversation and sleeps
i was crying and said you make me feel unwanted you barely have time for me it just ain’t working out
he goes work at 6am comes home by 5pm we eat than he falls asleep by 7 8pm
before we would always be up all night laughing an joking I know he’s got a job to commit to but I do everything for him and I feel at the end of the pile
he always goes back on his words and promises and makes me feel bad like he’s working for us, if I was here or not it would still be the same he’s a workaholic owns businesses and your always be second best to him
he just can’t offer me the relationship I want

anyway he’s just shouted at me to be quiet I’m giving him a headache because I’m expressing how I feel
said I’m paranoid and just gone to sleep
how he can just sleep I do not know
i remember the days we use to argue and he would be coming in the spare room to get me and not being able to sleep till we made up
theres no fight in him anymore
oh we’ll be will have a shock when I pack and fly back to my country and leave
this time I won’t be returning when he calls me to say he’s made a mistake and will change

thank you all
rant over

On a simplistic level, he gets home from work at 5 and is sleepy by 8. I can relate. Beyond your 20s not many people are out partying very often on worknights.

If your life together was happy, if he was warm and loving, if you were making some nice plans for the future, then I'd say that's a fairly normal adult relationship, and being tired by 8, when you start work at 6, is fair.

But you say he is cold towards you. You don't feel he cares. So the relationship is over. Thankfully it doesn't need to be a complicated split as you don't share property or children and aren't married. You've only spent a year of your life with him.

Please leave. And never again give everything up for a man.

Why did you give up your job for him when you’ve only been together for a year and there aren’t any children involved?

Get yourself home, lovely. You deserve better than this.

how he can just sleep I do not know
because he doesn't care! leave asap