DH has done nothing for my birthday

[Sycomore1]

AIBU to be annoyed at DH not making my day special? My birthday is tomorrow and he normally does a card from himself, and gets one from the kids. He’ll get flowers and a few gifts. This year he’s done nothing and I don’t expect anything huge as we don’t have the finances at the moment, we’re struggling a little but even a written card would have been nice. He told me last night he doesn’t have the money to do anything he’s afraid and that was that. Just felt cold and mean.

Happy birthday! Sounds like you have a nice day planned.

there is NO excuse for your H not even getting a card.

Thank you! Xx

Happy birthday. I hope your day improves significantly and you enjoy every moment of your afternoon.

There is no excuse for your husband not giving you a card or making any effort. Please do not stand for this, OP.

I’d be really angry with him (stepping over my balloons and saying nothing!!!) and I would want to shock him so I’d say
”you’ve made so little effort for my birthday that I told friends I wouldn’t be surprised if you came home & announced you are leaving me”

but then I can be really mean.

What a piece of shit he is.

No more wifework buying his parents, or him, anything. Ever again.

Happy Birthday!!!
Im hoping that he is planning to surprise you with something nice. It doesn’t have to be expensive to be thoughtful and kind. Hope I am right OP 🤞

For what it's worth, happy birthday 🩷

Happy birthday!

Tell him "I know you say you're broke at the moment so you can't do anything for my birthday, but there are loads of things you can do to make me feel special, so of you're not prepared to do even that, then we need to talk about what's really going on."

And also tell him he can sort his own family's Christmas and birthday from now on.

Thank you everyone!
Had a lovely afternoon with the little ones, the toddler loved the fuss I made with cake & balloons.
He came back with nothing, said he’s got no money and will make up for it when he gets paid at the weekend. I feel so hurt, not even a card.

His behaviour is a language.

what the hell do I say to him? I know he told me not to expect anything but it’s really sunk in now and I’m so upset. It’s not about the birthday it’s the fact he hasn’t bothered and been so thoughtless.

I’m sorry.Happy Birthday 🎁 🎂🥳❤️❤️

I’m so sorry that’s rubbish. Definitely stop the buying. I have never bought or organised anything for my husband’s family that’s up to him at the most I would act as a sounding board ie flower earrings or heart ones . For everyone else start as you mean to go on.

Tell him op. Tell him how hurt and sad you are.
No accusations. Just express that your birthday is today and a simple card or note would have made you so happy.
What he does over the weekend doesn’t matter when it’s a vague “I’ll make it up to you”
He could say “I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything but I’m taking you out to such and such place at the weekend” and that would mean more because there’s thought in that.

Tell him he had enough to at least buy a card and that you’ll be reciprocating the level of effort he’s put in for all future events.

No nothing right now. Wait until after the weekend. See what he actually does with no additional prompting. How he comes back says a lot.

Has he done the little things? Cups of tea, done the washing up, cooked, ‘don’t lift a finger darling’?

Stop doing anything for his side of the family. He needs to learn.

Happy Birthday! It sounds like you’ve had a lovely special time with your little ones 🎂🎈

What everyone else said about his mum and dad's Christmas presents, but to add: tell them he never bothers and you are making it his job now.
Also: don't get him anything for Christmas. He doesn't deserve to receive anything if he doesn't get anything for his wife and kids.

It’s hardly like your birthday is a surprise. He could have saved a tenner to at least treat you. Or a couple of quid for a card.

id tell him you are hurt and upset by him. It is thoughtless and uncaring and the fact he didn’t get you a card is inexcusable. Then id just stay quiet.

Happy birthday @Sycomore1 🎉🎁🎂🥳

I agree with above. Did he wish you a happy birthday, make you some tea/ coffee/ breakfast, make the dinner? Anything to show he cared about you and your day.
The thing is, cards don't have cost a lot so it is hurtful he didn't even get you one. I'd understand re the present if things are tight, but a simple bunch of flowers doesn't cost the earth either. I really hope he more than makes up for things this weekend

If he couldn’t afford a card he could have written you a lovely letter or note which would have cost nothing. I’m so sorry as you deserve more.

So sorry @Sycomore1 there really is no excuse for his thoughtless, uncaring behaviour. Of course he had enough money to buy you a card and write a loving message.
I'm afraid that if he is acting totally out of character then there will be something else going on.
I would tell him how much he has upset you and that it's not so much the lack of present but the lack of sensitivity or care towards you. I really hope he takes this on board and apologises and then makes amends.

🌹Happy Birthday from the US, @Sycomore1!
I’m glad that you’ve had a special day despite your H’s appalling behavior.

You are right - his words and deliberate diminishment of your birthday are indeed cold and mean. He has chosen to hurt and put distance between you, and there will be a reason which has nothing to do with finances.

He knows how you feel about celebrating your Day and has previously written lovely messages to you. This year he could have easily bought a card or included your toddler in making a homemade card to lovingly present to you before work. Instead he has intentionally sabotaged your joy and allowed your child to observe his neglectful and uncaring behavior.

The current lack of funds does not account for his cruel mean-spiritedness on your birthday. Let him know how deeply he has hurt you, and do shift the responsibility for his family’s gifts over to him.

Something is amiss, @Sycomore1, and I’d be getting to the bottom of it.

@Sycomore1

Happy Birthday! I’m pleased to hear there have been some positive aspects to your day, and I wish you a lovely year ahead.

I turned 40 recently and my Husband who is not struggling financially (not rich either!) bought me a card and a nice bunch of flowers which he gave to me the evening before - but that was it, no more presents and no Birthday decorations. I was so upset by it. I really would expect more for a ‘big’ birthday. He barely spoke to me either. I could tell by my parents’ faces that they were really annoyed with him.

My two children were really sad about it as they didn’t get to help choose anything for me, nor help wrap any presents nor fuss over who will pass me which present. I’ve since shown them how to make tea and coffee and have told them that a wonderful Birthday present I can enjoy all year round is for them to make me a drink when I’m working overtime on my laptop.

How are you doing today, @Sycomore1?