How to deal with overbearing friend

[Fluffymammoth]

I have been friends with this person for a long time but this friend has started to be quite overbearing, if I mention casually joining a club she will join it despite not being interested in the activity as she says she gets fomo, if she finds out I am going out say with a group of friends for lunch she will be in the cafe where we are going when we get there, its almost like she doesnt like me doing anything without her, in the past I have included her in other friendship groups but the dynamic changes and she tends to belittle me in a group so now I avoid this and usually just meet her one to one but Im starting to wonder if this friendship has run its course

Stop telling her stuff.

Low contact, no contact, grey rock.

To be honest it sounds like she’s trying to steal your friends! Belittling you in front of your friends means she’s not a real friend. And going to the same place on purpose despite not being invited is just really weird!

Put her on an information diet.

Or better yet just stop being friends with her, I really don't understand why people insist on keeping people in their lives who have a negative impact on them. You're grown, you don't have to be friends with anyone.

The behaviour you’re describing isn’t ‘overbearing’, it’s stalking. Why are you putting up with someone who’s stalking you and then belittles you once you’ve invited her to a group thing? I mean, why wouldn’t you just say ‘Sharon, do fuck off’?

I had a friend like this. Good friends for over 20 years. She become unbearable to the point where I had to go NC. Not an easy decision after all those years but it was having an impact on my mental health.

Tell her how she has to treat you. I've just had this issue with a family member. She phoned me and when I answered she said hullo you old bag. I said I beg your pardon and she addressed me properly after 2 more attempts. I then sent her an email saying that I consider these types of comments abusive and it wasn't to happen again. She tried to phone me later but couldn't answer the call. I could hear others in the background on the message she left for me so I didn't return the call. I believe as in past behaviour she was going to deny it all and deny that comments like that are abusive. That it's a joke and Im being too sensitive. haven't heard from her again yet but I will. Best of luck.

Yeah,lol

Pretty much this. It can backfire though. On them.

I once casually mentioned joining a new book club.I d seen on social media. Friend asked to know which one it was. I sent her the link immediately.Because to be honest with you, I wasn't bothered myself. It was just something I d seen, and I was thinking about it. But actually, when I really looked into what it entailed, I didn't think it was really for me.

My friend though kept sending me updates that she d joined both waiting lists for the closest areas for the book club. She later texted me a couple of weeks after saying she d got a place, says one had opened up. This is just something I mentioned to her casually off hand and she turned it into this.

She joins the book club and after two sessions sShe tells me it's completely not for her all they're reading is chick lit and it's full of early twenties. You had to pay for that and sign up by direct debit. So more fool her. I don't know what it was with her: she seemed to want to get in before me to prove some kind of point, and then she hated it. But I didn't even really want to join in the first place. It was just something I had seen. And was considering. But ultimately decided I wouldn't have the time to commit to it.

Why not start feeding her misinformation and saying you re going to a different cafe. She makes the effort to turn up to it. And then queries, just say, will you changed your plans last minute.

But I know what you mean, it's very annoying to have such an attached friend.

Honestly, she sounds like she’s in high school and hasn’t moved on. Your best bet would be to not include in anything and you don’t have to tell her what you’re doing. You don’t even have to answer her text or phone calls. I’d leave her as a past friend trying to horn in on your current friendships and that’s not good. Ignore her from now on. We all know someone like this.

Sounds like a milder form of what my niece went through in her sixth form that was classed as bullying and the college stepped in. The bully did pretty much everything your friend is doing plus overtly pressurising her to stop her making any other friends.

Personally I would be stepping back from your friendship

Such a person is not suitable to be your friend.

Seems like you are kind of enjoying it too be honest. Like having a bit of control over her. Sound like a bit of a codependent friendship. Where you have both helped each other out in certain ways but not with good intentions.

Stop telling her stuff. ‘I can’t do Sunday, the girls were talking about something- not sure what I’m not the planner but said I’d leave it free.’

How about growing up a tad and tell her to fuck off? And yes, STOP telling her your stuff as well - SMH.

I like the idea of an information diet, it didnt used to be as bad as it is now, as I have started to branch out and meet new friends the more clingy she has become, I guess we have been friends for a long time so I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt when I get asked a million questions about my plans, but recently each time we meet I feel drained after and not how you should feel when you have caught up with a friend, but writing it down though actually made me think Im not sure why I havent actually been firmer, and I think the people who said shes not your friend are probably right, I know she has other friends that there is no way she treats them like me, they wouldnt put up with it so I think I need to be more assertive and either call her out on stuff or go very low contact with her.

Belittling you is not cool and not something a friend would do.

stop telling her things, and phase her out of your life.

I wouldn't bother calling her out. There will be drama, tears, protestations of undying friendship etc. Don't get in touch with her. If she asks you questions, you are under no obligation to answer them. Have a phrase ready ie "not sure yet what I'm doing" or something similar. Tell her nothing. She is not a friend

My daughter has a friend who is 11 and already displays signs of this behaviour.
Her parents struggle with her so give in to her wanting to join every club my daughter does, wants to go everywhere we are going and has taken my daughters bestie and invites her over to her house for sleepovers. I have spoken with my daughter who was upset at first but now we “let them” and have an information diet. This is repeated behaviour from the girl as she has alienated every friend she has by being too much.

Grey rock her by being vague is your best option at the moment.

I would cut it.

Tell her you are going somewhere totally opposite to where you really are .She will get the message when she is sitting waiting on her own for ages.

You seem to be enjoying it op.

Why do you think that?

Sounds as though she is being controlling, she is inserting herself into your life and policing what you do. If you are now finding her draining then it's probably best to step back.

It is extremely easy to fix this, but you choose not to - feeding her the details so she can embarrass herself turning up. It sounds really unkind to do this to someone that clearly doesn’t have many friends. If one of my friends turned up, they would immediately be invited over and could join in.

You are not a friend op, and use your other friendships as a way to play oneupmanship with her feelings. You clearly don’t like her, so why do you even bother to meet up with her? I feel sorry for her. Is she ND? Because it sounds like it.