Online Dating Advice - Male

[N10]

Hi, I just finished reading the
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5332163-shit-men-on-dating-apps
thread and I was signed up to reply but thought it was probably best to create my own

The very short version is I’m 45M, I had a amazing marriage with a successful wife who I’d been with since our early 20’s, 2 DD’s (13 & 9)
I admit I was a bit lazy as I allowed her to deal with all the kids stuff, cooking, direct debits, clothes washing all that sort of stuff

Then out of the blue my wife was diagnosed with a aggressive cancer which very quickly robbed her of most normal functions, I became her carer as well has having a crash course in running the household and looking after my DD’s.
We were initially told we had 18 months but she died after only 8

Fast Forward to today and I feel I’m ready to date but I haven’t had a first date for over 20+ years
despite living in London meeting someone “like the old days’ seems unlikely as bringing up my DD’s on my own and a full time job limits my social time, so it seems it will have to be a online app

I read I shouldn’t put on the profile I’m widowed and feel that if I say I’m a single father living with my children it would limit matches who may otherwise match if they knew the reason.

After reading the above thread makes me realise I’m lost when it comes to it and would love some female advice please

I met my DH on tinder. My basic screening process was to look for some information on their profile (not just generic "I like the cinema") and something that made me laugh (but I don't think this is necessarily essential). I like honesty and simplicity, so something like "lone dad to two wonderful girls after sadly losing their mum" wouldn't put me off if I was happy to take on kids in general.

Sorry for your loss OP - I can’t even begin to imagine how rough it’s been for you and your girls ❤️

I also met my DH on a dating app.
His profile stood out to me because the pictures weren’t posed - they were very natural: him engaged in an activity, him at a friend’s wedding etc rather than selfies.
His bio was also engaging - really gave me an insight into who he is as a person rather than just a list of tidbits (or worse: a blunt list of qualities he wants in a woman. Might just be me, but that’s a major ick!).

And I guess my best piece of advice is: just go with it! Have fun with it. Talk to people and learn who they are as people instead of going into it with a view of the endgame.
And for me: honesty from the start. Personally I’d want to know that you’re widowed rather than divorced.

First of all I'm sorry for your loss

If you can garner anything from dating threads on here it's be honest, put yourself out there as you. If you lie and you meet someone genuinely lovely then they won't be impressed, and if someone doesn't like the idea of a widower with two DD then they aren't worth your time. Stay genuine

Good luck

I was / am in a similar position to you!
I hadn’t dated since last century!! 1996!
I started OLD in August and the first site I signed up to was Chapter 2- specifically for widow(ers)
I then got cold feet about actually meeting a widower (even though I’m a widow!) so went onto Match - where, ironically, I ended up having a couple of dates with a widower!
So I went back to Chapter 2 and messaged back a guy who had ‘liked’ me the v first week and we’ve been (slowly) seeing eachother since then!
I found it nice to speak to someone who ‘got me’!
It’s not easy as I have to fit around his teenage children (my children are older) but we’ve both been v v honest from the outset and I don’t think there’s any other way you can be!
Good Luck!

All good advice, thank you

I’d read that if you say on the profile your widowed it opens you up to scammers

I think you have to be wary about scammers regardless, they'll use any chink in your armour. But they can't scam you if you are sensible, so I wouldn't stress about it too much.

Scammers will look out for any vulnerability - you have to keep your eyes open!
I did have a date - within 10 minutes of meeting he was suggesting retiring early and pooling our resources- I had to laugh!!