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Original poster

Partner never takes me out

53 replies

FedUpDuck · 31/10/2025 20:01

Anyone else have a partner who just makes no effort to date you? I am really getting fed up and out of ideas to get him to make some effort.
He knows I hate staying in weekend after weekend but apart from the odd Sunday dinner out when he can tell I am really fed up. He just doesn't bother!
I'm not after expensive days out I just want to do stuff together. Apart from the one week holiday, we have had for the past 2 years we have hardly done anything else together.
I wouldn't mind but I also moved away from family and friends to live with him and I have tried so many clubs and things to meet people around here so I could have a social life without him but it's just a lot harder as you get older.

OP posts:
PashaMinaMio · 31/10/2025 20:25

Sadly like in a lot of relationships you are going to have to drive this. Plan date nights & weekends away. Go 50-50 if necessary just to get out of the house and routine.
He sounds very dull.
It’ll be even worse as you get older.

You need to have “the conversation” with him.

If he doesn’t get the message the writing’s on the wall isn’t it? What a waste of life …

Fidgety31 · 31/10/2025 22:31

Tell him what you want to do and when you want to do it . If he won’t join you then get rid and find someone that will.
take some ownership over your life .

blackwhitepink · 31/10/2025 22:32

Are you not able to just discuss going out?

littlejo67 · 31/10/2025 22:57

Do you ever take him.out?

cornflourblue · 31/10/2025 23:01

Do you not just discuss it? Like, what shall we do this weekend? Does he dismiss your suggestions or are you wanting him to take the initiative?

reversegear · 31/10/2025 23:04

I just had this exact conversation with my DH he never organises anything. Drives me spare but I’m out all the time, I just do my own thing.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2025 23:05

What’s the point of this relationship? Doesn’t seem to make you happier and isn’t that the point of them?
I just find relationships like this so strange - why be in it?

OuijaBoard · 31/10/2025 23:05

Need more info. Is he refusing to go out at all (except for the occasional dinners you mentioned) or is he willing to go but only if you plan everything, and you want him to do his share of the planning? Or is he going out without you leaving you home, and you have no one else to go out with/don't want to go alone?

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 31/10/2025 23:34

Do you ever offer to take him out?

FeistyFrankie · 01/11/2025 02:06

He sounds lazy. My first boyfriend was similar and just never wanted to go anywhere (or take me out on dates either). My next partner was super keen to go out, but all the planning/organising fell to me, which i found really annoying after 15+ years.
Latest DP loves to plan and organise dates and things to do. However, I was single for a long time before meeting him.

Personally I think it's a pretty common issue for men to just not bother planning or organising things. I know you mentioned not having much of a social life - can you work on that first? Maybe you're depending on your DP a bit too much, when what you really need are some friends to hang out with now and again?

I think you definitely need to address this with your DP as well though. It does sound like maybe you're misaligned. But see if you can fix it first. Have a chat, be clear about how you're feeling, and also put a bit more effort into meeting people and creating your own social circle.

Original poster
FedUpDuck · 01/11/2025 06:50

Yes, It's me who intiates going out, like I said he will only suggest when he sees I'm fed up then it's only for Sunday dinner.
Not only this but he makes no effort with coming to see my family yet it always assumed that I will go and see his, we had a massive falling out at the beginning of the year about this but he's just gone straight back to square one. We both have good jobs, we don't have small children to look after. We live in a lovely place and there's loads to do like walks and stuff but I always end up doing it alone.

OP posts:
greenbuckets · 01/11/2025 06:58

Sounds frustrating OP, especially if you don't have many other people to do stuff with. What do you get out of the relationship generally?

girljulian · 01/11/2025 07:00

Do you like him? He sounds boring.

BreakingBroken · 01/11/2025 07:04

Why are you with him?
(Presumably) He has sex on tap. organized house, no financial commitment to you (dp vs dh).
Sorry, dealbreaker as he obviously doesn’t care about you.

SoScarletItWas · 01/11/2025 07:07

He doesn’t need to ‘date you’ because you made it easy for him - you moved to where he already lived, you did the running. Why should he now bother to ‘try and keep you’?

A decent man who cared about you and keeping the spark would not be behaving like this.

You’ve told him what you want and he doesn’t care enough to make even the smallest effort.

Not sure that would be enough for me. Sounds like time to move on, sadly.

Shoxfordian · 01/11/2025 07:12

He doesn't seem to care about making you happy or spending time with you - its all quite low effort.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 01/11/2025 07:13

FedUpDuck · 01/11/2025 06:50

Yes, It's me who intiates going out, like I said he will only suggest when he sees I'm fed up then it's only for Sunday dinner.
Not only this but he makes no effort with coming to see my family yet it always assumed that I will go and see his, we had a massive falling out at the beginning of the year about this but he's just gone straight back to square one. We both have good jobs, we don't have small children to look after. We live in a lovely place and there's loads to do like walks and stuff but I always end up doing it alone.

Have you had a conversation about all this? What does he say?

Original poster
FedUpDuck · 01/11/2025 07:15

He just says he's not as sociable as me but he will try, but then it just slips back to no effort and excuses.

OP posts:
BCBird · 01/11/2025 07:18

I'd suggest one day u do something together and one where u don't. The one day where you don't, do anything together do your own thing, take yourself out. I would not expect to visit each others parents ' every visit either

Aweekoffwork · 01/11/2025 07:19

My husband doesn’t like going out, he’d rather be at home gardening, doing DIY around the house, cleaning cars, etc. He’ll go out when invited or if I suggest something. We’ve been together nearly 30 years but it works because I have several friends and family I go out with regularly and spend time cycling and walking.

once we retire I will keep doing what I like, joining new groups and taking up hobbies and leave him at home. No issue with it

TattooStan · 01/11/2025 07:21

My DH is not perfect, but he is good at this. He will suggest we go out for dinner and drinks, and get a table booked.
I do so much at home and to keep our lives ticking over, so do expect him to put some effort in to wining and dining me.
And I don't care if that sounds old fashioned. I'm the higher earner, and we've got a modern relationship in all other respects, but I like to be "taken out" from time to time. If anything, it gives me a reason to get dressed up, which I always enjoy.

Dery · 01/11/2025 07:42

This sounds like an area of incompatibility between you. If i’ve understood correctly, you’ve only been together 2 years so if this is how he is with you now, it seems unlikely to change for the better. So i suppose the question for you is - do the good parts of your relationship outweigh these negative parts?

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 01/11/2025 07:43

FedUpDuck · 01/11/2025 07:15

He just says he's not as sociable as me but he will try, but then it just slips back to no effort and excuses.

When you have two people who have very different social needs it rarely ends well - unless the more sociable person can get their needs met by friends or other family members.

If this is how he’s always been, either accept it and get your needs met elsewhere, or end the relationship and find someone more on your wavelength.

Jellybunny56 · 01/11/2025 07:45

Dery · 01/11/2025 07:42

This sounds like an area of incompatibility between you. If i’ve understood correctly, you’ve only been together 2 years so if this is how he is with you now, it seems unlikely to change for the better. So i suppose the question for you is - do the good parts of your relationship outweigh these negative parts?

This.

You can’t really “change” this about yourself, or him, so you either accept how it is or make moves to leave because that resentment will only grow.

Not everybody likes to be busy/doing things in their time off, that’s totally fine and okay, some people do like being busy & social in their free time and that is also totally fine and okay- but a relationship between those two people is never going to work seamlessly because you have fundamentally different ideas on how free time should be spent.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/11/2025 08:43

FedUpDuck · 01/11/2025 07:15

He just says he's not as sociable as me but he will try, but then it just slips back to no effort and excuses.

Was he like this from date 1 op?