How many times per week?

[oddball21]

Settle a debate for me please. If you're married or have been in a long term relationship for 20 years or more, how many times per week are you having se x?

Would like to see for myself but also demonstrate to my husband that I'm not abnormal.

Thank you!

More than 40 years ago, I was told an old saying. "Put a penny in a jar every time you have sex for the first year of marriage. Thereafter, take a penny out and the jar will never be empty".

Once upon a time, a tiny child had clambered in between us. Nowadays it's a cat.

Well not had sex for 5 years alot of reason y but im not happy once a week twice a week I would say

We’re 22 years in. Usually 2/3. This is curtailed somewhat during school holidays, as we are the kind of people who don’t have sex when the children (teens) are home. It’s overwhelmingly day time sex though and I realise how lucky we are to be able to do that (wfh etc)

We’ve been together nearly 42 years and are both late 50s. I think questions like this are as long as a piece of string. There have been times we’d have sex several times a day, I fondly remember nights when we literally did not sleep, when we stopped the car on the way home (sod being late back for the babysitter), when we begged a relative to stay with the children for a weekend so we could go to a hotel and spend the weekend naked. If you offered to stay tomorrow I’d be packing his bag and mine and finding an airbnb with a hot tub and an off licence nearby.

There were also times when we didn’t have sex for long periods of time - once, weirdly, when we first moved in together, another of about 18 months after a difficult birth, during peri was difficult, and last year was terribly difficult for about 7 months as we were particularly stressed, tired and a bit traumatised.

The trick, perhaps the decider, is whether you can talk to each other about WHY you’re not having sex, and tell each other that you WISH you were having sex even as you acknowledge that there is no end to this dry patch in sight. If you cannot say ‘I just don’t feel like it with all this going on’ or whatever and receive the answer ‘I get it, I’m with you, but I hope we can sort this’ then there’s trouble ahead.

Sometimes zero, sometimes two or three times. Usually don’t go without for more than 3 weeks or so (usually bc I’m more reluctant, dh is always up for it though his sex drive did take a bit of a dip last year - he’s 52 - but it now seems to be back with a vengeance!)

It seems a bit juvenile and formulaic to keep a tally when you’ve been together that long!

Tbf it's a bit weird to pop up and ask people about their sex lives. It's even weirder that people just dove in and answered as well like.

You wouldn't walk up to a group of strangers and ask IRL.

I disagree entirely.

It’s not the type of thing you’d ask in RL but something a lot of people wonder about (whether they’re relationship is “normal”) and would ask on an anonymous forum.

It’s really not a weird thing to ask and I’m guessing the OP is feeling under pressure from her dh to put out more and he’s making her feel guilty for not doing so. In which case I can totally see why she’d want reassurance.

Since the OP has not contributed at all, we can only guess really.

I'm not arsed if people want to give the info freely or not though.

@gamerchick - you took the time to read the post and replies so I can only assume you were intrigued. It's simply curiosity, that's all. I'm not on here often hence not contributing much. There are people on these forums who discuss a lot worse!

@Dollyfloss - exactly that. Thank you

im 39. Married 15 years. Probably once a year. DH makes out that I am utter freak for wanting to have a sexual relationship. It's a v sad and lonely place to be

Married 20 years. Once a week or fortnight or once in three weeks. With work and kids I get into bed to hug the pillow and practically cry at the thought of getting up the following morning! I do feel bad for him and hate that he reads into it but I’m so tired!

That is awful and he’s not a good partner for making you feel that way. You could have a good 20/30 years of libido left in you - do you really want to spend it with someone who makes you feel bad for wanting sex/affection?

39 is too young to be giving up on that side of things if you still want it imo.

27 yrs together, both mid 40s. Typically 2/3 times a week however, if stresses at work/home etc it can be once a week/10 days. Important though during this time that there is still affection or cuddling shown as it keeps the connection for us but we are all different in what we need.