Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am just done with my “friend”

41 replies

ThatLadyLadyShesTheMan · 28/10/2025 16:34

im posting here to mainly just vent, to be honest.

I have a friend who I met on my university course in early 2020. I saw her in person a few times and then everything shut down for Covid and our friendship shifted to be online. We met up a few times in the intervening years but it has largely stayed online due to the fact we live at opposite ends of the country.

at the start of the pandemic she said she had a boyfriend, and things were serious.

she would often say that her dad (who she was living with at the time), had eaten her up. Across the course of the pandemic she told me multiple times she was at the police station, at court, he had been arrested and then eventually she said he had been convicted. It’s important to note that there is no evidence of this conviction anywhere. When googling her dad he’s a local businessman in her area and he regularly posts about his kids on his social media, including her.

In November 2021 I was going through an awful time - my dad was very unwell and my nan was terminally ill. I tried to lean on her for support but she always had excuses, and then on the night my nan was in ICU after surgery, she let me know that she was pregnant and she’d be getting an abortion.

I supported her in this because obviously it was her choice to make. She was very open about what she had been through and posted about it and used it as a way to endorse abortion rights in the UK.

Things seemed to settle down at this point until 2024. We met up to go on a short trip together and she started making horrible comments about my weight, how I looked and everything I did. This continued when we got back and she would regularly refer to me in conversation as “fatty”, “pig” “fat cunt” etc.

ive always been quite open with her about the fact I am insecure about being single. She has always sympathised but late last year she told me she was engaged and had bought a house with a partner she had been with for three years.

this is when I started to realise that nothing she has ever told me has made sense. Three years she told me she was with a guy who she was ending things with because he never makes time for her. The timelines of that old relationship and the new one seemed to overlap and when I confronted her she went from saying she had cheated, to saying things had ended earlier than she told me.

I looked on her social media and although she’s active she hasn’t posted a thing about the engagement or the house. She’s very open and posts about everything so to me this is a red flag. Looking back, everything she has ever told me just doesn’t seem to have happened. I just feel so confused and don’t understand why she’d do this, it’s like she’s lived out some sort of a fantasy world through our friendship, for some sort of sick pleasure. I feel so used and hurt, that someone I have trusted with my own feelings has just been lying the entire time.

OP posts:
strawgoh · 28/10/2025 16:43

Words fail me.

ThatLadyLadyShesTheMan · 28/10/2025 16:44

strawgoh · 28/10/2025 16:43

Words fail me.

I know.

I feel sick to my stomach when I think of it, because this is someone I trusted with everything, but she’s just been living this weird little life where she’s lied to me about everything. Every lie would come when I had something going on in my life that she could overshadow.

OP posts:
LittleMonks11 · 28/10/2025 16:45

The mind boggles, and then some.

PrioritisePleasure24 · 28/10/2025 16:46

Forget what she’s lying about. No friend calls you names like she has. Cut contact and find real friends.

Seaoftroubles · 28/10/2025 16:46

She is no friend. Regardless of her tall stories and make believe life the fact she insulted and belittled you should be enough for you to end all communication with her. Find new friends, people who you actually meet in real life and who treat you with respect and consideration.

Arlanymor · 28/10/2025 16:47

So she's a pathological liar.

She should have been 'done with' from the very moment she first insulted you - why would you remain friends with someone who used those words about you? It's appalling.

SquaredCircled · 28/10/2025 16:47

she would regularly refer to me in conversation as “fatty”, “pig” “fat cunt” etc

OP, read this back to yourself. Who cares whether she's invented an engagement or a criminal father or a termination? Why would you contemplate continuing contact for a further thirty seconds after someone referred to you in conversation like this? You sound incredibly vulnerable. Do you have other friends?

Rainbowcat77 · 28/10/2025 16:48

I think the friendship would have ended a long time ago for me (perhaps at the point where she randomly referred to me as a fat cunt??)
I’m sorry this has happened to you Op she actually sounds mentally quite unstable. Do you have IRL friends/family who are there for you?
All you can really do is block her on everything and move on.

Holluschickie · 28/10/2025 16:48

How is it I can't even get people to meet me for a coffee while other people can get away with calling their friends cunts?
Who knows if she is lying. No friend calls another by those names.

ThatLadyLadyShesTheMan · 28/10/2025 16:49

I have plenty of other friends.

she would always apologise for calling me those types of names and say that it was because of something going on in her life. I just find it very hard to reconcile her actions against the person she used to be, because at one point we had been very good friends.

i also find myself quite concerned because she works with children and at times I feel like she gets so angry she could be dangerous

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 28/10/2025 16:49

OP, she is a horrible woman. Tall tales aside, she insulted you in the most appalling ways. Cut her off and never look back, and please, seek some help in understanding why you tolerated her shit so long.

Holluschickie · 28/10/2025 16:50

We all hsve stuff going on. Doesnt give us the right to call each other names.

Arlanymor · 28/10/2025 16:52

ThatLadyLadyShesTheMan · 28/10/2025 16:49

I have plenty of other friends.

she would always apologise for calling me those types of names and say that it was because of something going on in her life. I just find it very hard to reconcile her actions against the person she used to be, because at one point we had been very good friends.

i also find myself quite concerned because she works with children and at times I feel like she gets so angry she could be dangerous

People don't call other people names because of things going on in their life. They might have a shorter fuse, they might not have the bandwidth to uphold their end of the friendship, but they do not call people names. That's abject nonsense and you must know that. Also people change and her changes have not been for the better - I would cut her entirely out of my life, which also means not wasting any of my time or energy on thinking about what she does for work. Unless you have a genuine safeguarding concern - in which case you report it as appropriate. If you have plenty of other friends then just think about the fact that you can spend more time with nice people now that she is an ex-friend.

strawgoh · 28/10/2025 16:54

ThatLadyLadyShesTheMan · 28/10/2025 16:49

I have plenty of other friends.

she would always apologise for calling me those types of names and say that it was because of something going on in her life. I just find it very hard to reconcile her actions against the person she used to be, because at one point we had been very good friends.

i also find myself quite concerned because she works with children and at times I feel like she gets so angry she could be dangerous

Her anger issues would be yet another reason to cut this person completely out of your life.

Fletchasketch · 28/10/2025 16:57

you don't say how old you are, but guessing from your post you're still early twenties. I think the lesson that some friendships are not meant to be forever can be a tough, but an important one to take and learning how to let people go equally important. I agree with the previous posters, she is not your friend, she is an abusive bully. The sooner you can let her go and concentrate on the friends who support and uplift you the better. You have not done anything wrong here and nobody in their right mind could blame you for cutting her off.

ThatLadyLadyShesTheMan · 28/10/2025 17:04

It just feels quite sad to me. At one point we were really very close and it felt like we had almost got each other through the pandemic, I in particular struggled a lot during lockdown. But looking back it’s obvious that she has used me, and saw me as someone she could use for this fantasy.

OP posts:
Morningsleepin · 28/10/2025 17:07

OP, I am very concerned about you. Where are your boundaries? Why would you continue a friendship with anyone who talked to you like that?

Uricon2 · 28/10/2025 17:11

She is not your friend. However, I don't think you ever had the sort of relationship where leaning on her for support was going to work and really clearly, she is not a very nice person anyway.

winkywanky · 28/10/2025 17:15

I reckon she is insecure, hence the lying and trying to bring you down with calling you names. Life is too short to put up with people like that. You deserve nicer friends OP

ThatLadyLadyShesTheMan · 28/10/2025 17:16

Morningsleepin · 28/10/2025 17:07

OP, I am very concerned about you. Where are your boundaries? Why would you continue a friendship with anyone who talked to you like that?

You don’t need to be concerned for me, thanks.

her and I were both very overweight when we first met. Me more so than her, but I lost a lot of weight. I think I tried to see the comments as her just being upset and angry about her struggles to lose weight, because I still saw it as a friendship. It’s only recently that all of the lies have become apparent

OP posts:
Lostworlds · 28/10/2025 17:27

I think the hurtful comments she’s made to you are awful and personally I would have ended the friendship on that alone.

Who knows why she’s made up stories but she’s loved the attention and the drama behind it all. She’s liked you checking in on her and being centre of attention.

I would back off from this friendship, if it’s mainly online then I would stop replying to her and phase her out. Usually I would encourage you to explain why to her but she seems to have excuses all the time for her poor behaviour so I think she would come up with another excuse!

ThatLadyLadyShesTheMan · 28/10/2025 17:29

Lostworlds · 28/10/2025 17:27

I think the hurtful comments she’s made to you are awful and personally I would have ended the friendship on that alone.

Who knows why she’s made up stories but she’s loved the attention and the drama behind it all. She’s liked you checking in on her and being centre of attention.

I would back off from this friendship, if it’s mainly online then I would stop replying to her and phase her out. Usually I would encourage you to explain why to her but she seems to have excuses all the time for her poor behaviour so I think she would come up with another excuse!

I think it’s the lying about the abortion and abusive dad that’s really done it for me. I had no suspicions until I realised she’d lied about the engagement. Then it all fit together and it’s made me feel sick.

OP posts:
UpDownAllAround1 · 28/10/2025 17:38

Block

PucaBandearg · 28/10/2025 17:40

ThatLadyLadyShesTheMan · 28/10/2025 16:44

I know.

I feel sick to my stomach when I think of it, because this is someone I trusted with everything, but she’s just been living this weird little life where she’s lied to me about everything. Every lie would come when I had something going on in my life that she could overshadow.

@strawgoh is right, words fail me! Not because of her lying (although that's bad enough) but because you seem to think it's OK that a friend calls you those names and treats you so badly.
DTB Dump The Bitch.

Morningsleepin · 28/10/2025 17:45

ThatLadyLadyShesTheMan · 28/10/2025 17:16

You don’t need to be concerned for me, thanks.

her and I were both very overweight when we first met. Me more so than her, but I lost a lot of weight. I think I tried to see the comments as her just being upset and angry about her struggles to lose weight, because I still saw it as a friendship. It’s only recently that all of the lies have become apparent

I'm so glad she hasn't managed to harm you but still why be friends with someone who wants to hurt you?