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Original poster

He’s hard to read...

50 replies

Winterlove · 26/10/2025 22:55

TL;DR - have hung out with an old work colleague 4 times now but unsure if he likes me and if/how to make the next move.

I met a single guy through work last year but he left a few months ago to start a new job. We always got on and I found him attractive so I gave him my number to keep in touch.

We first socialised out of work after he left as a group for drinks. We spoke a fair bit 121 that night. He’s not on social media but text me occasionally the following month or two.

We share an outdoorsy hobby and have met up a couple of times alone for this reason and enjoyed each others company. He has also been to my house twice for dinner, once for his birthday last week.

He’s quite a shy, private person so I don’t know how to read him and I can’t bear to ask him directly. How can I be more discreet in figuring out if he’s attracted to me too? I’m seeing him again next weekend.

OP posts:
FajitaNightCap · 26/10/2025 22:59

Just ask him. Life’s too short for all this wordless ambiguity.

Gymbunny2025 · 26/10/2025 23:02

It sounds like you’re dating him already to me! What are you doing next weekend?

Original poster
Winterlove · 26/10/2025 23:06

He’s coming for food and to watch the next episode of a show we saw together last week.

Are we dating though? 4 meet ups and no kiss so far.

OP posts:
FajitaNightCap · 26/10/2025 23:18

Winterlove · 26/10/2025 23:06

He’s coming for food and to watch the next episode of a show we saw together last week.

Are we dating though? 4 meet ups and no kiss so far.

So say ‘What’s going on here, Nigel? I’m looking fur a relationship, not someone to watch tv with.’

Gymbunny2025 · 26/10/2025 23:19

I’m assuming you invited him again? Has he initiated any of the meets? If not sit on your hands and see if/when he does next- that will tell you a lot about his feelings for you.

Original poster
Winterlove · 26/10/2025 23:25

First meet was my suggestion, second was his, third was mine to my home, fourth was his suggestion inviting me to his home but logistics of what we both had on earlier that day meant that it ended up that we spent the evening at mine. So it’s been a 50/50 split.

OP posts:
tragichero · 26/10/2025 23:31

I'm pretty confident he likes you (unless he is gay, or something else glaring which means he wouldn't see you as a potential date). He must be aware that what you are both doing looks and feels very much like dating!

Would you have the confidence to go for a kiss, maybe after a glass of wine or something? In my experience some men find it really difficult to make a first move like that - they feel they are being predatory, and feel more comfortable if the woman takes the lead.....

(No doubt some women feel this too, I am not trying to be sexist!).

Original poster
Winterlove · 26/10/2025 23:39

I don’t believe that he’s gay. He is quite reserved and private as a person though so I’m not sure he’d make the first move. He has made a few playful nudges in conversation whilst joking with me, he makes eye contact, he’s made effort in terms of bringing things when he’s visited my home. Despite him being on the quieter side, he talks much more on a 121 basis than in a group and it’s never awkward or silent between us.

I would maybe make the first move but wanted to put the situation out there for advice first as I’d hate to read it wrong and make a fool of myself. I’m typically used to guys making the first move in terms of initiating a kiss.

OP posts:
Pryceosh1987 · 27/10/2025 00:41

It looks and sounds like he is already attracted to you. perhaps you could ask him, in a off the cuff way. Do you want to have a relationship? ask him what he thinks of you.

mondaytosunday · 27/10/2025 00:51

So when he leaves how does it go? Any lingering looks? Any hesitation in terms of a possible good night kiss? Or is it ‘thanks for a good evening! Bye’ with a quick wave and off he goes? My experience is if a guy likes you he shows you. I don’t believe in ‘he’s [too] shy and private’. He may be but if he likes you he’ll let you know.

gottamoveon · 27/10/2025 05:07

You need to make a gentle move that will open the door to perhaps more (e.g. move closer to him, put your hand on his knee, quick peck on cheek, a hug, etc.). I think it sounds like he’s a bit inexperienced. He might be hoping for the same, but very unsure (or perhaps scared) that the next move is misinterpreted- and possibly thinking that it could get him in to trouble with work.

Original poster
Winterlove · 27/10/2025 08:44

We don’t work together anymore so it’s not as if there’s a risk or either of us getting into trouble. I sort of got the feeling he might be hoping for the same but isn’t sure how to initiate it. We have hugged when we see each other and there are lingering looks generally at times. It’s as if one of us needs to bite the bullet and make a move but both are nervous to be the first to do it!

OP posts:
donaldson7111 · 27/10/2025 08:48

As a man I am sure he likes you.

Seaoftroubles · 27/10/2025 08:52

Maybe he's waiting for you to set the pace? He sounds as though he likes you but is a little shy. When you are sitting together snuggle up a bit and hold his hand. Holefully he will get the message! If not then when it's time to leave just kiss him!

Original poster
Winterlove · 27/10/2025 09:06

@donaldson7111 why do you think that out of curiosity?

@Seaoftroubles yeah when I see him next week I’ll make an effort to be more tactile and obvious that I’m open to more.

OP posts:
Gymbunny2025 · 27/10/2025 09:06

donaldson7111 · 27/10/2025 08:48

As a man I am sure he likes you.

Agree ☺️

missingse3 · 27/10/2025 16:12

Guy here, you did birthday dinner at yours for him and he keeps being around and available.

I wish more women asked us out, happened to me once and it lasted 4 years. I suggest you start being flirty by being close to him when you see each other and just check the temperature.

DO not flat out ask as you may hate the response and spoil the frienship

missingse3 · 27/10/2025 16:17

Winterlove · 26/10/2025 23:06

He’s coming for food and to watch the next episode of a show we saw together last week.

Are we dating though? 4 meet ups and no kiss so far.

def not dating, you are hanging out

Original poster
Winterlove · 27/10/2025 19:15

@missingse3 yeah so for me we’re not dating because nothing had happened like a kiss/sex.

I don’t want to ask him directly either because I don’t want to lose a friend. Hopefully I can try to be more tactile and open things up naturally if things are going to move in that direction.

OP posts:
Mydahliasareshit · 27/10/2025 19:55

There's no rush at all OP. Enjoy getting to know each other and figuring out the connection. The wait can be delicious when you finally get to know and trust each other. It's also reassuring down the line that lust wasn't the only factor. Relax, enjoy the build, and both of you will gain confidence in each other and know when the time is right. It's still very early days.

donaldson7111 · 27/10/2025 20:40

Winterlove · 27/10/2025 09:06

@donaldson7111 why do you think that out of curiosity?

@Seaoftroubles yeah when I see him next week I’ll make an effort to be more tactile and obvious that I’m open to more.

he Gives you his time. Repeatedly. He is interested but too scared to make a move. Make the move yourself. He clearly needs you to chat yourself up but I reckon when you give him the ignition you will have a roaring flame on your hands. Keep us updated.

donaldson7111 · 27/10/2025 20:51

I went out with a load of student colleagues one night. One female who had shared some ‘fruity’ information with me earlier that day invited me back to her house to sober up and I can go home in the morning. Anyway I wasn’t sure if she wanted something to happen between us. I did nothing. That was 21 years ago. I remember it t on this day and I still regret it. Don’t let this man be in my shoes in 20 years time.

Let me help you. Next time he is over your place ask him if he has ever been back packing in Europe.

make sure he answers the question. Then watch season 8 episode 4 of friends. The one with the videotape.

if he doesn’t make a move that night then kick the idiot out and tell him to look you up in 21 years.

therewasafishinthepercolator · 27/10/2025 20:58

Mydahliasareshit · 27/10/2025 19:55

There's no rush at all OP. Enjoy getting to know each other and figuring out the connection. The wait can be delicious when you finally get to know and trust each other. It's also reassuring down the line that lust wasn't the only factor. Relax, enjoy the build, and both of you will gain confidence in each other and know when the time is right. It's still very early days.

Completely agree with this. I love this part. I do think he's interested and it will happen but I would give it time.

Original poster
Winterlove · 27/10/2025 21:31

@donaldson7111 you’re going to think I’m lying but I kid you not, I watched that episode of friends today! Thanks for the advice. I wonder why he’s scared to make the move.

And thanks for the others too for the comments about enjoying the moment and getting to know each other. I’ve enjoyed the time spent with no pressure. It’s been so refreshing and I’m feeling that spark building between us.

OP posts:
Gymbunny2025 · 27/10/2025 21:43

Winterlove · 27/10/2025 21:31

@donaldson7111 you’re going to think I’m lying but I kid you not, I watched that episode of friends today! Thanks for the advice. I wonder why he’s scared to make the move.

And thanks for the others too for the comments about enjoying the moment and getting to know each other. I’ve enjoyed the time spent with no pressure. It’s been so refreshing and I’m feeling that spark building between us.

Maybe he’s just letting things develop slowly and naturally too. I think he sounds very respectful and lovely. Do keep us updated!