Are we being unreasonable?

[Dontneedthedramaimtooold]

At 6:30pm my mother in law walked in, we were upstairs.

My husband had to pop out and as he did his mum said so am I staying the night then?

He replied with we haven’t agreed anything and she assumed she’d be able to have dinner with us despite not knowing and therefore not planning anything and expecting to stay over.

My husband has already had to ask her stop just turning up and coming into our bedroom!

Maybe lock the doors if she keeps wandering in?? Also she's cheeky expecting to stay over....

Change the locks or get deadlocks for use when you are in the house. Then practice saying the word “no”.

You know you're not being unreasonable.

But I am curious. Like, does she live nearby or travel from afar to spring this stuff on you?

She lives 2 minutes drive away!!!

She’s needy and she’s obsessed with being the most important person in het sons life: the things she’s done and said and I’ve forgiven would make your toes curl but she’s his mum but hates the fact that Im 16 years in married for 12 whereas his other relationships were short

I have so many questions!

How did she get into your house? Was the door unlocked? Does she have a key? If so why haven't you taken the Kay back/installed a door chain or deadbolt/changed the locks?

Why didn't your DH tell her to leave? Why didn't you tell her to leave? What's to talk about, she's rude?

Why do you live so close to such a difficult and intrusive mother / MIL?

She can think whatever she likes about her relationship with her son, you and your husband are allowing her to walk all over you both

She's bonkers then.
Very hard to deal with bonkers people when they're your own flesh and blood.
I know from personal experience
Sorry, I've got no advice only empathy.

She was rendered homeless during Covid and she doesn’t have a pot to piss in and there was a maisonette that came up! Naively while trying to do a good things it’s ended up with us being in ti worst possible situation!

Why does she have access to be able to walk into your house?

How does she manage to walk into your bedroom though?

Put a lock she doesn't have the key for on your front door.

If he is too much of a coward to ask for the key back, you need to fit bolts and/or door chains, and use them. She is seriously overstepping boundaries.

By the way, do you have keys to her house? If you do, then maybe the pair of you should start turning up unnanounced at hers.😁

Lock all doors so she can’t get in and get a ring doorbell,then you can watch and laugh at her standing on the doorstep.

You have a DH issue here.

This is his mother and he needs to be the one telling her that she’s being out of order and asking her to leave.

Keep your doors locks and don’t answer if it’s her.

Your husband needs to be letting her know that she needs to call before coming over and she needs to respect the fact that it won’t always be a yes. She is also not to stay over, she is a grown woman who had her own home and you are a married couple who want privacy in their own home.

You’re all weird

Weird how?

Does she have a key? That's your first mistake!

No she doesn’t but the door isn’t locked. I’m not saying she has to knock necessarily but she turns up most days and wonders wherever she wants

I'd keep your door locked then. No-one should be able to just walk into your house whenever they feel like it!

You know she does this but you don’t lock the door, particularly when you want privacy. Sorry that’s on you both

Yes she is being unreasonable but her behaviour is not something that is going to change overnight so in meantime you need to take some action to keep the boundaries

I'm sorry, but why the hell aren't you locking your door? I'm not particularly paranoid - I actually answer the door unlike most Mumsnetters - and I live in a sleepy cul-de-sac in a sleepy town, but I always make sure the door is locked. It's basic common sense, surely?

I can't, it's Saturday night man!

Seriously OP, when you can't see the obvious then nobody can help.

Lock the door so nobody can walk in on you riding seabiscuit. That's all you have to do.

🤣 Stop complaining here and go lock your door!

Why would she stay over? That’s really weird if she lives around the corner. She’s not six!

Because she’s lonely and we care about her feelings we just want some consideration

Lock the door.
and your partner should have another conversation with her, reducing her expectations of how much time you are able to spend/ wish to spend with her.

You are not going to get it unless you put in some actual boundaries. Boundaries are things you put in place and keep. That means you take whatever steps necessary to ensure they cannot be overstepped. If you want privacy in your own home, make a habit of locking doors. Still have the conversation and hope she complies (I highly doubt she will) . You then take steps needed to ensure she can't overstep -lock the doors.