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Original poster

Dumbed on Anniversary of death - A bit evil ?

34 replies

jonathanwoss · 25/10/2025 03:50

So I have had a lovely person come into my life for the last 4 months. We clicked so well, we have so much common (age/ my child is same as hers/same outlook on life /good sex/ grew up in the same town,you name it, it kinda of felt too good to be true )

A bit rocky since Monday but nothing too much ,and on Thursday it was my mother's anniversary of death , I get very emotional around this time because of the events surrounding her death were traumatic to me; I do not even go to work every year.

This person knew for early on and Thursday morning I received the most beautiful flowers , framed photo of her and the best thoughtful message someone could master. Nice touch

Later that evening while our with family for the anniversary I receive : I have just been thinking about our relationship ,I don't think this will work out. Delete my number please .

I am so baffled , bothered ,hurt and any other negative feelings one can feel.

It could have waited til tomorrow ,like what kind of person is this ?

Are people really this evil? Not even sure what I am trying to get out of this post but I just feel like I need a whole year to recover from this .

OP posts:
Blodyneighbour · 25/10/2025 04:08

You're better of without her then. SHe obviously isn't a supportive person.
I mean, unless you have been very over emotional and after only 4 months she obviously doesn't understand you properly yet. She may just want some fun times at the start of a relationship
Sorry you are going through this by the way and personally, I would respect her wishes and delete.
Or it could just be that you've not given her enough attention. Another reason to delete
A new relationship is supposed to be fun. She obviously cant deal with what you are going through right now.
She also may have her own issues to deal with and may think its a bit full on right now

Campbellcarrotsoup · 25/10/2025 04:08

I'm so sorry that's awful. Was he the person who sent the flowers and then dumped you? That's even more messed up and the message tone is so bizarre that in the long term you have dodged a proper idiot and you can focus on you now and spoil yourself rotten x

WatchingTheDetective · 25/10/2025 09:10

Wow you have really dodged a bullet with this one. Was this person thinking they should've been involved in mourning your mother? I'm so sorry you lost your lovely mother 💔

AltitudeCheck · 25/10/2025 09:17

'A bit rocky since Monday'.... What's the back story here?

Also they sent you a framed photo of themselves as a gift on the anniversary of your mother's death? How self centered!

KathyDuck · 25/10/2025 09:19

That’s weird. I would block her. Sorry about your mum Flowers

summitfever · 25/10/2025 09:41

Some people just need to get these things out in the open once they’ve decided. I’m sure it’s probably not evil but certainly selfish and heartless. You don’t really know someone after just a few months so this is their true colours showing a bit and the person isn’t that great in the end. Sorry about your mum

@AltitudeCheckI assume the pic was of the mum

TalulahJP · 25/10/2025 09:50

That’s so bizarre. Why would someone be so thoughtful and then so horrible. Makes no sense.

The only scenarios i can think of are that the flowers were arranged very much in advance and if you’ve had a difficuit few days the person is now thinking that’s what you're usually like, (as opposed to youre upset this week only kind of thing) , and has decided youre not the one.
Or
Im wondering if a jealous child got hold of the phone and sent the message and the person that it’s supposed to be from doesn't even know.

I’d want to speak to the person (by FaceTime or face to face so I know it’s them) to try and understand WTF they are on about tbh. And I wouldn’t be taking no for an answer. Nobody gets to treat me like that and walk away without a piece of my mind.

pinkfondu · 25/10/2025 10:11

That is a narcissist

Original poster
jonathanwoss · 25/10/2025 10:12

AltitudeCheck · 25/10/2025 09:17

'A bit rocky since Monday'.... What's the back story here?

Also they sent you a framed photo of themselves as a gift on the anniversary of your mother's death? How self centered!

No no ,I shared a pic of my mum early on and they actually got it framed and sent it to me as a surprise gift and I have to say it is very very thoughtful morethan anything I ever received before .

It's been rocky only because I said I wasn't available every single weekend for her just as of yet. Her kids is at her dad every weekend so she wants me every weekend to he with her. I did make it clear I would involve her in my weekends eventually so we don't miss out.

Why do this whilst you are already feeling like it's not going to work and drop me a day after ?

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 25/10/2025 10:17

I hate to say but I think you may be too full on for them. They are a nice, thoughtful person (the gift shows that) but perhaps they know they tend to get easily sucked into a codependent relationship where they end up doing a lot of caretaking and they just want to steer clear? That is my take. I think they just don’t want to be involved with someone as complex as you or who is in complex grief.

dontforgettofloss · 25/10/2025 10:18

Yea she’s an arsehole for doing that on the anniversary of your mums death, she could’ve waited to do it another day.
See it as a lucky escape- I’d be really put off someone that insensitive and cruel.
On the anniversary of my own mothers death, I feel very sad, every year, and if someone did that to me it’d be like a huge slap in the face.
sorry about your mum Flowers

zazazaaar · 25/10/2025 10:21

pikkumyy77 · 25/10/2025 10:17

I hate to say but I think you may be too full on for them. They are a nice, thoughtful person (the gift shows that) but perhaps they know they tend to get easily sucked into a codependent relationship where they end up doing a lot of caretaking and they just want to steer clear? That is my take. I think they just don’t want to be involved with someone as complex as you or who is in complex grief.

They are not thoughtful or nice. Just wait a day or two. And anyone other than a 12 year old shouldn't be dumping anyone by text, that's just cowardly.

AgnesX · 25/10/2025 10:26

Her timing was piss poor. Between that and the framed photo of herself (eh?) you're better off without her.

Selfish yes, possibly a bit thick (definitely). Evil takes thought though.

Original poster
jonathanwoss · 25/10/2025 10:28

TalulahJP · 25/10/2025 09:50

That’s so bizarre. Why would someone be so thoughtful and then so horrible. Makes no sense.

The only scenarios i can think of are that the flowers were arranged very much in advance and if you’ve had a difficuit few days the person is now thinking that’s what you're usually like, (as opposed to youre upset this week only kind of thing) , and has decided youre not the one.
Or
Im wondering if a jealous child got hold of the phone and sent the message and the person that it’s supposed to be from doesn't even know.

I’d want to speak to the person (by FaceTime or face to face so I know it’s them) to try and understand WTF they are on about tbh. And I wouldn’t be taking no for an answer. Nobody gets to treat me like that and walk away without a piece of my mind.

I am very scared of being accused of harassment by calling or texting a person who told me to delete their number . I still messaged my confusion anyway and not a word back since Thursday and I will leave it at that.

A lady friend of mine committed suicide when she was accused of harassment via police for simply trying contact her ex boyfriend for closure (phone calls/emails ).

I just have to focus on myself. I guess I will never understand

OP posts:
Original poster
jonathanwoss · 25/10/2025 10:30

zazazaaar · 25/10/2025 10:21

They are not thoughtful or nice. Just wait a day or two. And anyone other than a 12 year old shouldn't be dumping anyone by text, that's just cowardly.

Show quote history

Couldn't agree more ,we live just 10mins away from each other may I add and she is big on calling rather than texting.

Funny how this worked out but definitely I won't look back to try to fix it if she gets in touch .

OP posts:
TalulahJP · 25/10/2025 10:37

zazazaaar · 25/10/2025 10:21

They are not thoughtful or nice. Just wait a day or two. And anyone other than a 12 year old shouldn't be dumping anyone by text, that's just cowardly.

Show quote history

Exactly. So was it her or her kid that sent the message……she may not even know it’s been sent.

I can help but feel youre entitled to closure. I read what you said OP. And you won’t be done for harassment! Im sure the circumstances are entirely different. It’s perfectly normal to check that this is legit as it’s downright weird. One call isn’t too much to ask.

I know someone whose older sister dumped a guy the younger sister was dating by message pretending to the younger sister. Weird. That was years ago but it can happen…

OnceUponATimeInBollywood · 25/10/2025 10:38

You're are well rid of her. If something feels too good to be true-it usually is. I hope you find your happiness.

MimiGC · 25/10/2025 11:14

I also think her marking the anniversary with the lovely flowers and framed photo of your mum is a bit weird, frankly, given that you’ve only known this woman a few months. It’s too presumptuous and …just too much. I can’t think of anyone I would do that for, except perhaps my sister and probably not even then.

Original poster
jonathanwoss · 25/10/2025 12:08

TalulahJP · 25/10/2025 10:37

Exactly. So was it her or her kid that sent the message……she may not even know it’s been sent.

I can help but feel youre entitled to closure. I read what you said OP. And you won’t be done for harassment! Im sure the circumstances are entirely different. It’s perfectly normal to check that this is legit as it’s downright weird. One call isn’t too much to ask.

I know someone whose older sister dumped a guy the younger sister was dating by message pretending to the younger sister. Weird. That was years ago but it can happen…

Show quote history

Her kid is 3 , Def not the kid.

I do not feel entitled ,I just wanted to understand why this out of all the days and just clarity on my confusion because her actions to do all this and dump me within 24 hours are weird.

We actually had been communicating well throughout the day.

I am just baffled but of course are entitled to do as we wish after all, she is not my wife.

OP posts:
Original poster
jonathanwoss · 25/10/2025 12:11

MimiGC · 25/10/2025 11:14

I also think her marking the anniversary with the lovely flowers and framed photo of your mum is a bit weird, frankly, given that you’ve only known this woman a few months. It’s too presumptuous and …just too much. I can’t think of anyone I would do that for, except perhaps my sister and probably not even then.

I wouldn't find it weird tbh because the relationship was kind of full on quite early, I have been to her house and she has been to mine as we live only 10 minutes apart .

I just wished to know what I did wrong and take it on board I guess but anyway ,life goes on.
I guess it's a first I have been dumped before (I am 40) and it's Def unexpected and knocking me down a bit

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/10/2025 12:19

She has a really disorganized attachment style, wanting to be full on but terrified of closeness. Love bombed you to get you but can’t deal with you having emotions. Get rid of her and move on.

TheBlueHotel · 25/10/2025 12:22

zazazaaar · 25/10/2025 10:21

They are not thoughtful or nice. Just wait a day or two. And anyone other than a 12 year old shouldn't be dumping anyone by text, that's just cowardly.

Show quote history

Don't be silly - ending a brief relationship by text is totally normal and expected in 2025. That doesn't mean this woman wasn't totally horrible to do it when and how she did.

Gofaster2023 · 25/10/2025 12:29

She sounds like a prize prick. Everyone has it in them to do nice things and everyone has it in them to be an insensitive arsehole. I'm sorry that it upset you and that the timing was awful but they sound quite impulsive - an elaborate personal gift so early on and an immediate dump. I doubt they even connected the two and I bet they are quite emotionally unintelligent. You'll find better.

Gofaster2023 · 25/10/2025 12:32

I'm always sad on the anniversary of my mums death. I would actually find it weird if my husband gave me a framed picture of my mum on the day. Its a bit misery vampirey.

Mammyloveswine · 25/10/2025 13:45

what a nasty cow! Dating is brutal these days! Be kind to yourself