This whole scenario has caused me so much worry and anxious feelings, and for me, it's felt like its gone on a long time. I feel silly for feeling like I do, but I feel so hurt. I dont even know how to explain this all simply as its all so complicated in my own head, so apologies in advance if it doesn't make sense. Family wise, this is all of my husbands side of the family, regarding my sil who I did at one point have a good relationship with, and she was even asked as one of my bridesmaids. My husband knows all of how i have felt and what i feel now. (He thinks that im overreacting and should just let it go.) ... my questions are has anyone experienced something like this, and what way do I go forward with this? Do i do something or just do and say nothing?
For context I gave birth to my 2nd baby (boy) almost a year ago. During the first few weeks of my pregnancy, my brother in law & his wife were also expecting their baby ahead of us, but unfortunately their pregnancy didn't last. After this happened we still had not yet shared our news with them or with the rest of the family, and we decided out of respect for them we would tell them after we were at least past 6 months pregnant, I felt so guilty to tell them after what they had to go through. I checked in with her to ask how she was on multiple occasions. I even made the offer to meet for a coffee etc. It was me reaching out to her each time. The rest of my pregnancy the contact between me & sil was nothing, as i felt like communication was all one way. I went through a difficult pregnancy and then haemorrhaging during labour, and a very prolonged recovery. A congratulations text was sent by her after I gave birth to my son.
My son is almost a year old now and she has still yet to meet him. I could understand that it may have been difficult for sil to be around babies. My brother in law has visited alone about 3 times in total (during easter or birthdays, to pass on gifts for our children).... my fil is also very low contact with both my children now, hes barely made any effort with my son since hes been born (pronably only seen him 5 times in the last year).
When my son was about 6months old, we were told that sil & bil were expecting another baby. Which we all were very happy to hear.
Again, even while she was pregnant, she still hadnt met my son, or been in touch with me.... Fast forward to now, their baby is now born, and I feel abit taken back by how she has been towards me. My Bil called over last week to give my eldest her birthday present, and my husband decided to give him their baby gift etc then. After he left I got a text from sil saying thank you, the gift was lovely etc, and just general small talk about my eldest's birthday.. no acknowledgement about how there's been zero contact between us for pretty much the past year. No acknowledgement of how she hasn't ever even asked how my son has been. Or how i have been. I cant help but feel so hurt and angry, because my in laws are doting over their baby, and its like the past year my baby boy didn't even exist. I feel like i just have to keep my mouth shut because im scared of how my husband will react but the whole thing has really upset me. A large part of me doesn't want to visit their baby. I feel terrible to admit this, but i feel so hurt about this. She's made no effort to see or check in with my son, even during her pregnancy. Reasons I can only assume that being around babies would have upset her, but she's able to go to work etc and no doubt see strangers babies when out doing her shopping. I honestly dont feel like shes even that bothered about how the past year has made me feel within the family. I cant bear to even read the messages in the family group chat, as my son after he was born was never treated the way their baby's being treated. Im dreading the future because I dont know how i can get past this with my sil.