Am I being unreasonable?

[Newmama2025]

Am I being unreasonable?

My partner wants to take his twin boys abroad for the week next week out of the blue. He was suppose to have them for the week so we probably wouldn’t have seems him much over the week anyway. Our little one is 3 months.

Maybe worth clarifying I have never met his boys we have been together 3 years and he’s always made plans then they’ve fallen through, his excuse is one of his boys suffers mentally and he’s worried about the effects on him, we have broken up multiple times about this issue. He stays over about 3/4times a week.

His reasons is he hasn’t spent much time with them due to work commitments. And it’s the last time he will get to take them alone as we now have a family. Bear in mind he’s been saying this about every holiday he’s excluded me from for the last 3 years because he won’t let me meet his boys.

I don’t know if I’m more annoyed because once again, I feel rejected and left out and now my little one is too. Or because he thinks it’s ok to leave the country when I’m here looking after his 3 month old daughter while he’s sunning it up!

Am I being unfair?

I agree with other posters. He has another life, another family. Unfortunately you were the shag that went wrong.

are you sure hes not still with the mum of the boys? this is extremely odd behaviour. Seems like hes hiding you

🤷‍♀️

I never met my half brothers or their mother, I found out at his funeral it was because he was still with said wife and had a happy family with his children. He was living a double life, still to this day nearly 15 years later I don’t know how he did it. Your circumstances sound similar

Not unreasonable at all the boys not meeting a new baby sister or yourself just shouts of double life to me.
Is the mum going on holiday with them is that why you've never met them .
Why are you letting this happen to yourself .

You had a baby with someone before you met their kids ?!

@Newmama2025 make sure it's the last time he does this to you both. Do you want your child to be sat waiting on this man and him let her down too? He's playing you, don't allow this to continue. You two deserve more than a part timer.

She must be glad you have pointed this out.
It can't be changed now. The future without him will be a positive move.

This is completely irrelevant to OPs initial discussion.

But I am not disagreeing with some of the PP

Oh gosh, this really does sound like he has another family, I'm so sorry. Have you ever stayed at his home?

Being told she couldn’t have children actually is relevant in the sense that it’s highly unusual and unlikely that anyone would tell her this unless she had been ttc for a long time (ie in a committed relationship) and either hadn’t fallen pg at all or had had repeated miscarriages. Posters are raising an eyebrow at this in the context of unexpectedly falling pg to a bloke she doesn’t even live with due to presumably not using contraception. She is behaving in the naive way of an early twentysomething falling for his shit but her medical past indicates she is older than this and has sustained a serious relationship in the past.

It’s surprising that someone would have had investigations and been categorically told this if they weren’t actively ttc unless they had a very unusual health condition. It is generally very difficult to get this stuff investigated even when actively ttc and referrals, investigations and results take time.

Just like it’s very unusual that he would have twins, that she’s never met them, or that he would take them on a term time holiday, or that he would not know about this holiday well in advance, or that she would just blindly accept this bizarre situation as a good one to have/raise a baby in.

It’s all really weird and people are not wrong to ask the OP further questions to try and work out what on earth is going on here.

Despite a child together you are living separate lives.
I would be discussing this with him 1) the reasons why he doesn’t include you with his boys 2) is he ready for a new relationship because it sounds like you are sitting on the sideline and that’s definitely not fair and 3) how he sees your future together.

He is quite clearly still with the mother of his twins!

If you haven't been allowed to meet his twins OP what evidence do you have that they actually exist? Have you been there when he talks to them on the phone for instance?
Whether they actually exist or not it seems pretty clear that he has a whole other life when he is not with you.
I think you should end your relationship with him. But make sure he financially supports your wee baby.

Not unreasonable but quite naive/foolish.

It sounds like you and your daughter haven’t met the twins because they would talk. They would tell their mother everything they see their daddy and another lady with a baby do. None of them know. In three years you never met them. This man probably knew you about you not being likely to have children. He doesn’t want you to go on a holiday the twins are attending. There are major red flags here OP. Get out for both you and your beautiful daughter’s sakes.

I do want to say that I am so sorry that this is happening to you and your daughter. You aren’t unreasonable at all and you aren’t alone.

I would definitely suggest leaving him and getting more peace of mind. It doesn’t sound like either of you are priority in his life. Don’t let him be one in yours. He’s treating you both badly.

I can relate as in the time together I never met a single member of my now ex’s family in person. I spoke on the phone to ex’s parents and heard my ex on the phone to them. Ex has other family including children who all knew about me. I spoke to others of ex’s family. I was often at ex’s house and saw friends and neighbours too. I never saw a single family member though. It was longer than three years. Have you met his parents or any other family or friends of his?

So much love to you OP xx

Despite a child together you are living separate lives.

It will be for benefits reasons. Guaranteed

It will be for his benefits' reasons. Like he doesn't want his wife to find out.

Yes but another factor will have been the op remains in receipt of full single parent benefits

This, I'm afraid

None of this really rings true to me.
Getting pregnant accidentally, father not living with OP, taking twins away on holiday term time, nobody has met anybody.
It all needs unpicking.

OP doesn’t come back…….

It does have a hint of hmm about it

Agree with others, it doesn't sound like he committed to you, I am really sorry!

I totally get home wanting to holiday with his boys - but it makes no sense that you have never met them, as the mother of their half sister.

I would tell him the sleepovers end, and pursue him for maintenance. I assume he is on the birth certificate?

Have you been to the house he supposedly lives in when not with you?

Are you sure he isn’t still living with his wife? Sounds like it.