Am I being unreasonable?

[Newmama2025]

Am I being unreasonable?

My partner wants to take his twin boys abroad for the week next week out of the blue. He was suppose to have them for the week so we probably wouldn’t have seems him much over the week anyway. Our little one is 3 months.

Maybe worth clarifying I have never met his boys we have been together 3 years and he’s always made plans then they’ve fallen through, his excuse is one of his boys suffers mentally and he’s worried about the effects on him, we have broken up multiple times about this issue. He stays over about 3/4times a week.

His reasons is he hasn’t spent much time with them due to work commitments. And it’s the last time he will get to take them alone as we now have a family. Bear in mind he’s been saying this about every holiday he’s excluded me from for the last 3 years because he won’t let me meet his boys.

I don’t know if I’m more annoyed because once again, I feel rejected and left out and now my little one is too. Or because he thinks it’s ok to leave the country when I’m here looking after his 3 month old daughter while he’s sunning it up!

Am I being unfair?

Didn't see this before I listed. Sorry.

im sure your DD is gorgeous💕

but seriously, I'd put good money on him still being married/in a relationship with his kids mum (if he even has kids).

get it sorted & stop waiting 'for the time to be right' to meet his kids & have a proper life together.

Do it while DD is still a baby,

None of your business & NOTHING to do with the thread.

Irrespective of his current status with the mother of the children, you and your daughter aren’t his priority and you’re wasting energy trying to make it so, when you could be living a less stressful life without him.

You're not unreasonable, but foolish.

Sounds like he is playing you 😞

YABU. He is prioritising the children he planned for, and it is right that he does his best by them. It is not in their best interests to meet you when your relationship is so unstable, so their holiday time with their Dad shouldn’t change. They do deserve to know they have a sibling, but that’s his problem, not yours.

If this man wanted a future with you, he would be making you part of his family. An accidental pregnancy doesn’t create a family.

Your problems are way bigger than him talking his kids on holiday, but obviously, he should take his kids on holiday.

Does he stay at yours Monday-Friday?

You’re unreasonable to be focusing on that as the problem in this…situation. That sounds like the only normal part of this.

Where does he live when he's not staying at yours, and have you ever been there?

So you were told that you could categorically under no circumstances conceive naturally, so you started having unprotected sex in a fairly new relationship?

OP, people are going to try to twist this thread into your poor life choices, because that's what people do. When a man acts like a useless piece of 💩, they don't hold the man accountable, they point blame at the woman who chose him for choosing poorly.
And maybe in part that's true, but that's a whole other topic.

OP, I'm sorry to have to repeat what others have said, but this man isn't your partner. You're not part of his life and he's showing no motivation to change that.
If you were to start reading his actions like he was speaking to you through them, then his actions would be loud and clear:

• I don't care about you
• I don't want to involve you in my life
• I don't want to be a partner to you
• I don't want to be a father to the child we created together
• I don't want to create a family with you and our child
• I don't want to take responsibility for you or our child

He may use very different words, but anyone can string a few syllables together and make a sentence. That doesn't make it true. His actions hold the truth. Try reading them from now on and go from there. Is this the kind of life you want? Is this the life you'd choose if you could do it all over again? I'm not talking about your little girl, I'm talking about him.

You don’t live together
but you are together
and you have a baby together

ok so… well at least you get full housing benefits and benefits as a single parent!

The op will only get housing benefit if she is renting, not if she owns her place. She is probably on maternity leave and will return to work in due course.
.........
I do feel for you, can understand how you believed this man was on his own and he might be but it doesn't sound like it. I also understand you not trying to prevent pregnancy if you'd been told you couldn't have children.

There's no point in wishing you hadn't go involved, what's done is done and you have your little daughter which is wonderful.

You need to do some serious investigation and find out the facts about this man. It all sounds very dodgy. Does he love his baby daughter? Three month old babies are gorgeous.

I don't think he is going to come out of this well but you have the right to know the truth so dig away, then lay it on the line to him.

Be prepared to bring up your daughter on your own but get some financial support from her father if you can, then go on to live your life.

I wish you all the luck in the world and I know everyone else here does too.

You're his dirty secret! Totally unacceptable! You are the "other" mother to his child. Dont accept this behaviour, at least for your daughters sake.

Are you sure he's not still married, very strange.

I agree with the others OP. You need to move on he is obviously still with his wife.

Yabu to have an issue with this, when you chose to have a baby with him under these circumstances

You hear woman say this so often, you'd imagine doctors would stop saying this by now 🙄

Seriously, they might say a low chance.. I doubt I doctor would say you couldn't have kids unless you literally didn't have a uterus.

This.

My thoughts too. So very stilly to think it’s the new baby he is rejecting - he isn’t - it’s the OP he has a problem with

You were together a year ish before falling pregnant and you've never met his kids? It sounds like a shag that has went wrong for him. I'd get rid op, you're worth more than this.

You are being played. He hasn't split from the boys mother has he? Open your eyes.

Are you not worried you are just the OW?

This!

Does his wife and boys even know about you & their sister ? Very odd situation you are not a family if he only stays with you snd daughter 3 nights up your bar what an awful father and partner you & your daughter deserve better. Have you actually met any of his family?