Does your husband/wife flirt with you

[sexlesshusbandwoes]

I’ve just had the most bizzare conversation
i asked my husband why he doesn’t flirt with me and he got really angry and annoyed and started shouting at me. His eyes were darting everywhere

I asked him why he was still here if he thought it was that strange and his response was ‘I like it here’ 😕

can anyone advise me where to go from here

Maybe you need to have a calm conversation. What do you mean by flirt? Compliment? Explain to him why it matters. Do you flirt with him?

You could have caught him totally off guard and he could think you are accusing him of something.

Hmm maybe
he did seem super defensive

Depends on what your definition of “flirting” is I guess….

My DH is not remotely subtle about it 😂 And it’s quite comedic a lot of the time (think cartoon character doing some suggestive eyebrow wiggling! 😂).
Sometimes it catches me off guard, like the other night, I’d just got in bed to read my book and realised I’d left my glasses in the en-suite. Got up to go get them and he hits me with “I hate it when you leave, but god I love watching you walk away” whilst staring at my bum 🫠🫠😂😂😂

Do you flirt with him?

Strange thing to get angry about. Begs the question does he flirt with other women and thought you may have found out?
Do you two have sex regularly? If so then perhaps flirting is almost irrelevant, as it's just a build up to sex surely?

Thinking about it, I don't really flirt with DH, apart from perhaps when we're about to get jiggy with it lol. If I'm honest though I may flirt sometimes flirt with other men - just for fun though, I'd never do anything.

Well no wonder it was a bizarre conversation.
It seems a really weird question to ask.
It sounds as though you were trying to catch him out: he must have been quite lost as to what was an acceptable answer

If he is your H surely your relationship is much , much deeper than flirting?

Or have you noticed him flirting with other women and you were actually trying to catch him out?

Sounds like your DH wouldn’t put ‘flirting’ and @OP in the same sentence even if it came with a dictionary. What an OTT reaction to a simple question. It's less ‘caught off guard’ and more ‘emotionally off grid. and to those dissecting what flirting means, come on, it’s not quantum physics. If someone says, ‘do you flirt with your spouse?’ and you’re genuinely confused, the correct response is a cheeky grin and a raised eyebrow not courtroom drama.

I dont flirt with him because I would get the exact same confused reaction/awkwardness

No not any more. And the sex is dead. In fact he doesn’t try flirting at all any more and I’ve given up.

ive had to stop saying “love you” because I realised he never ever says it.

and he has stopped making an effort for Events where he used to - bdays, Christmas, valentines etc. and he forgot our anniversary this year.

so no flirting. Quite sad really after decades together.

coasting towards the bitter finale ?
”it’s not you, it’s me, feels like just friends, time to move on” type chat.

Yes, I think we flirt without recognising it as flirting as such. I certainly know how to use my wiles to get what I want and I suspect DP does too

Your DP's reaction was v odd

Absolutely. I think my husband is hot and he feels the same about me. My first marriage was not like this at all (I wasn't physically attracted to him tbh and he never showed an interest) so it was very important that this was a solid part of any relationship going forward. For us both it is an important part of our marriage and we try as much as we can to connect intimately.

I’m sure that’s a quote off a tv series or film

Sexual attraction is important - but if it’s extremely important what happens if someone newer and hotter comes into one of your lives as you get older and looks begin to fade? What if one of you gains a lot of weight due to a medical issue or injury ? Loses your hair? How will you compete or maintain a high level of sexual attractiveness if that’s such a massive aspect of your relationship?

@SomewhatAnnoyed I've definitely gained some weight since we had our daughter and peri, and husband now has a significant spinal condition. But it's deeper than that - it's more than surface level. He makes me feel sexy, even though I'm 45, peri and having had three children. He got glasses a few years' ago and to me, he's even hotter! I think sexual attractiveness can definitely grow the more you fall in love with the person.

So basically he's there because it's convenient.

And he's possibly also either gay or having an affair. They tend to get angry when confronted with their lack off interest in you.

Doesn't sound like a very nice person tbh.

Thelma and Louise… Geena Davis says similar to Brad Pitt..

All the time, it still feels like when we first met many years ago.
Bit of a strange reaction from your OH.

OP - do you think he is attracted to you? How was it in the early days?

Hope you don't mind, but I noticed you commented elsewhere that you wish you hadn't married him. So whether he flirts with you or not seems a little irrelevant. I imagine he knows you wish you weren't with him. He's hardly likely to flirt under those circumstances.

Mine sometimes tries the 'old flirty moves' on me
Some work, some don't.
Mind you it was the same 56 years ago.
Some worked, some didn't.
The lovely smile always gets me.

My wife got super defensive and often used anger or got annoyed when I brought up things like this. I'd ask why she was avoiding me. We'd talk about us and she would say we dont do anything so I would try to organise a date and got anger about it.
The worst was driving in the car once and I said something about us after being shrugged off and she absolutly lost it and wanted me to pull over so she could get out. Instead I drove her home and me and the kids stayed in the car and went out. I had to try and explain what had happened. My teanage daughter told me to stop talking. She said I had done nothing wrong.

She was right. The anger and hostility. Snapping at simple questions. Lack of flirting or anything resembling affection. That was all because she was having an affair.

I certainly hope that is not the case for you.
It was thay unexpected hostility when asking questions about our relationship that made me start to suspect.

think this is about lack of sex.

OP, given your user name, is your problem that your husband doesn’t ‘flirt with’ you, or that he doesn’t want sex? Because ‘flirting’ doesn’t mean someone is ‘sexless’. Plenty of people have happily active sex lives without ‘flirting’. I also think flirting equals different things for different people.

If what you really want to know is “Why doesn’t my husband ever want to fuck me?” then say so - coy questions about flirting aren’t going to be very helpful. And nobody can tell why your husband got angry because we have context or background about how the conversation happened or what your marriage is like in general.

It’s is - Michael says it in The Office 😂😂