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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm a killjoy now

35 replies

BackBone · 05/06/2008 13:31

DH went and bought an airgun I was not happy about this to begin with, especially with a teenage boy in the house.

Anyway at the weekend he and DS (13) lined all my eggs on the fence in the back garden and took turns shooting at them. I needed them for tea but apart from that, it ended with all egg running down the fence and onto the patio. To make matters worse the old woman from next door came around to ask if we knew what all the mess was on the fence (her fence too). DH just said "we were shooting eggs" so she said "well can you make sure you clean it up then". DH said he would but as soon as he'd closed the door he laughed and said he wouldn't.

On monday I came home from work to find that DS had put dog poo on the fence and dared DH to shoot at it and rather than telling him off for being disgusting, he did and it ended with poo being splattered all over the old womans washing in the garden.

She came around again and asked if we had a problem with her or if we wanted to discuss anything with her. She thought we were victimising her I felt awful and aplogised and blamed it all on DS because I was too ashamed to admit DH had been involved. I then felt incredibly guilty about DS all day. Later that night her husband came around and said if anything else upset her from "our side of the fence" he'd start recording incidents.

DH still thinks its funny. Last night DS came in and told me that DH had got a football that was covered in mud and water from the bad rain and offered DS a few quid to kick it at the next doors window.

I went mad and had a huge go at DH who swore DS was lying and he went in a massive mood so now I'm wondering if he did or if DS is playing on the previous incidents.

Please tell me I'm not being a killjoy and i'm not the one being unreasonable here??

OP posts:
Spoo · 05/06/2008 13:34

YANBU - Your DH is being completely disrepectful to your neighbour.

Iklboo · 05/06/2008 13:36

How old is DH?
FFS - mid-life crisis alert by the sounds of it

Carmenere · 05/06/2008 13:38

FFS I couldn't have a long term relationship with a half-wit like that, sorry for you.

anorak · 05/06/2008 13:38

How anyone could think this funny is beyond me. I feel very sorry for your neighbour who must be very frightened, confused and upset.

It might sound reactionary but I couldn't live with someone who behaved like this. I would be deeply upset, disappointed, mortified with embarrassment and very concerned as to the example my son was receiving.

StripySails · 05/06/2008 13:39

Ermm, your DH is behaving like like an arse. Has he ever done anything like before, or is he usually a pillar of the community?

Anniegetyourgun · 05/06/2008 13:39

For real?

JodieG1 · 05/06/2008 13:39

Your dh sounds like an idiot. Tell him to grow up and stop bullying your poor neighbours. Great example he's setting to your son btw.

Saturn74 · 05/06/2008 13:39

Shooting dog poo?

poshwellies · 05/06/2008 13:40

Midlife crisis? Sounds like he's quite simply a twunt.

He's not setting a ideal role model for your ds either.

StripySails · 05/06/2008 13:40

Should be just one "like" of course!

You are so not being unreasonable or a killjoy.

alarkaspree · 05/06/2008 13:41

I'm speechless. Your dh is behaving like a badly-brought-up child.

I don't know how you tackle him. He obviously doesn't care about your neighbours' feelings - does he care about yours? Can you make him understand how embarrassing this is for you?

I'd get rid of the gun while he is out, for a start. At least that would make him realise that you feel very strongly about his behaviour.

MascaraOHara · 05/06/2008 13:43

Your dh sounds like a complete twat and you should be embarrassed.

how old is 'old'? you describe her as old.. would be wrong it hey were young but if they are pensioners I am going to be so disgusted with you and your dh

NotDoingTheHousework · 05/06/2008 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

turquoise · 05/06/2008 13:43

What everyone else says, PLUS - it's fucking dangerous, what if the old lady comes out into her garden when they're taking pot shots over the fence?

Your dh sounds an absolute arse.

anorak · 05/06/2008 13:43

As well as the bullying (which it is!) behaviour to the neighbour, it's dangerous, irresponsible and illegal to fire an airgun so close to a house.

tissy · 05/06/2008 13:44

I would take the gun to the police and tell them you "found it" and didn't want it to fall into the hands of a teenager.

anorak · 05/06/2008 13:44

snap turq!

NotDoingTheHousework · 05/06/2008 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MascaraOHara · 05/06/2008 13:46

From what Tissy says.. don't say you found it tell them it's your dh's but he's too irresponsible so you've confiscated it

Original poster
BackBone · 05/06/2008 13:47

I have told him I want rid of the gun by weekend and thats when he started going on saying that I'm a killjoy and everything.

The thing with neighbours is a bit of an ongoing thing, We have a cat and it apparantly poo'd in their garden a few times and her daft husband saved up all the cat poo and then threw it all over the fence into our garden a few weeks back. Thing is though its wasn't just our cat, there are a few of them that wander around. So DH thinks he's in the right because of that.

He has done stuff like this before unfortunately and DS thinks its hilarious and I'm wondering if DH does it to feel closer to DS?

A few months ago they covered the bathroom in wet toilet paper when his mother was due to visit (she's very prim and proper) and when she went in she screamed. I ran in and saw that the walls, ceiling, mirror and toilet seat were covered in wet tissue balls and the carpet was dripping wet. She blamed me

OP posts:
choosyfloosy · 05/06/2008 13:49

My God.

You sound as if you have good priorities. I would tackle this I think in this order:

  1. Tell DH that you are going to come down on DS like a ton of bricks and make him a) apologise in person to the neighbour, b) scrub every inch of the fence and c) sign him up for some form of community based volunteering (it may be that he already does Scouts or similar, in which case I would have a word with the Scout leader about a volunteering project, but if not I would contact your local Community Service Volunteers and sign him up for something involving caring for somebody else). d) Make him take the airgun to the police, explain why he is handing it in and ask them to dispose of it safely.
  1. Tell DH that since he (DH) is an adult, you can't 'punish' him; that you are doing him the courtesy of informing him what you are planning to do with DS, but that he is not acting like a responsible father and he needs to start doing so.

That's just what I'd do. Best of luck.

choosyfloosy · 05/06/2008 13:50

Oh hells bells. Killjoy. Retaliation for cat poo mistake. How that raises my hackles. Killjoy = disapproving adult who has a lot to disapprove of, quite often. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

HuwEdwards · 05/06/2008 13:51

Backbone - I think you need to get yourself one. Seriously.

MascaraOHara · 05/06/2008 13:51

you still haven't said how old they are

AND

your 'd' husband is doing it on purpose because of the cat poo incident.

he sounds like a knob

anorak · 05/06/2008 13:51

choosyfloosy he doesn't sound like the kind of man who can be 'made' to do things.