Found out why he doesn’t want to wed

[Blodwyn66]

My Step-daughter met someone five years ago. He is Italian. A year after meeting they bought a house and are very much together as a couple and planning a family.

At a recent family wedding, the “oh you’re next” comments were made to my step-daughter and her partner, as all knew she does want to get married.

Then the bombshell, that her parents knew nothing about.
Her partner is already married to a girl he met when travelling and working in Australia. She is from Taiwan. They came to the UK a few months after marrying and he then met my step-daughter. He hinted there might have been some “cross-over”!

So it’s a bit of a mess.
Had this news been a few months into the relationship with step-daughter or even before sorting a mortgage and buying a house then steps could’ve taken to sort. But now we’re 5 yrs down the line, feelings are running high especially for my step-daughter’s mum and dad (my husband).

The BF says he is trying to ger things sorted it and has sent (two) texts to his “wife” but she has not replied. I should imagine he needs to see a solicitor?

My step/daughter knew from early on that he was married and I suppose we should all butt out, but emotionally, legally and financially it is a big deal and she will need us to support her.

Any advice on this would be hugely appreciated . Thank you

She knew he was married.

She's an adult, and must have realised he must get a divorce before they can marry. Guessing it wasn't really priority to either of them?

She needs to get her own solicitor to find out her rights regarding the house and any other financial ties. Right now his wife has "ownership rights" over that house.

What an absolute mess though.

Edit - agree with pp though. She's an adult and knew he was married and she didn't care. It's not your place to do anything except suggest she looks into separating her finances more, until the divorce at least.

This is what I was going to say - his actual wife could divorce him and he would have to count this house in his assets for her financial settlement.

She’s an adult - naturally the parents are upset but imo this is a moment to keep their emotions under wraps. Yes he should see a solicitor but I’d imagine he knew that 5 years ago.

Thh, she’s not his ‘wife’, she’s his wife.

I don't see why it's a big deal - it's not to her as she knew all along, and it's not to you or her parents as it's none of your business.
Unless I'm missing something - why do you practically think this is an issue? Just saying "emotionally, legally and financially it is a big deal and she will need us to support her" doesn't make sense. Need you to support her with what?

At the very least he needs a will pronto, otherwise it all goes to his wife.

Did DSD know? If not, that's a lie that can't be forgiven IMO.

Well I guess if the wife divorces the finances could get very messy very quickly

So him and his wife came to a new country and he cheats on her after a few months.
My sympathy lies with his wife. I hope she gets what shes due.

I do think you need to be careful and get DSD to a solicitor asap. If the wife finds out he has a large asset like this your DSD might find they have to sell if she does decide she wants to divorce. Make sure she knows if they are holding the property as Tenants in Common or Joint Tenants before going to the solicitor. Don't post it all over socials unless you want his wife to find out.
He sounds like an absolute knob end to put both women through this.

He sounds like a prince.

Whose names are on their mortgage? But really, this is her problem to sort out, given she went into it with her eyes open. Did her parents give her a deposit for the house or anything?

It's a big deal because the step-daughter has bought a house that her partner's wife may have a claim on.

There is also the question of residency which I assume is why the wife is not in contact.

He would have gained indefinite leave to remain when Brexit happened. As long his wife is still his wife, I assume she has the right to be here too. If they divorce, will that still be so?

I foresee non-co-operation from the wife and a claim on his finances. What a mess.

Are there any children he's forgotten about? They need to separate their finances until he gets divorced his wife can and probably will take half of everything. And if he dumped his wife like that, no reason to suppose he won't dump the current gf if something better comes along. If she knew and didn't push him to get a divorce they sort of deserve each other, what a pair of idiots.

Sounds tricky. But your step daughter is an adult who chose to buy a house with a married man. Who had an affair with her and will likely be named as the OW in the divorce. The house will likely be a marital asset in the divorce so yes that will get complicated. They might not have told you but they knew this and it’s for them to resolve it, not her parents.
She has to deal with the consequences of her life choices.

Not sure a will would fix anything, he has a wife and half of everything he has is hers until he gets a divorce and the wife gets a final financial settlement, only then can him and his gf safely build a financial future together.

To answer - yes DSD knew from early but didn't say anything to her Mum and Dad - just let us go along with accepting her BF.
For my husband, this lack of honesty is hurting him.

Think we’re all just stunned that they were both naive enough to think this could be just swept under the carpet.

He thought that because he married in Australia that the marriage wasnt necessarily valid in England and he’d only married so his GF could come to England with him.

The only financial tie is the mortgage though DSD paid the deposit after inheriting money.

Its very doubtful his wife has any claim over their house including 'ownership rights' which is not a legal term. It was a short marriage so both parties take from it what they brought in to it.

That’s what we thought.
He really needs to see a solicitors

If I were in your situation I'd advise her to expect to lose her deposit that she invested. She needs to really understand that this man has potentially lost this for her by not knowing his own financial responsibilities, and she has been very stupid not to check them and rely on his knowledge.

It must hurt your DH but he really should be clear with her that he will not be financing any more foolish plans the two of them have - they need to sort this out on their own and take responsibility.

I wouldn't even dream of starting a family with a man like this. I suspect he has played her, as he would never have been able to get the deposit without your DSD.

This is not true. His wife is unlikely to be able to claim anything as it's a short marriage. He should make a will leaving everything to his current partner explaining with an addendum why he has left nothing to his wife.

Of course if the house is held as joint tenants that would be unnecessary.

It might all be fine, especially if this was a marriage for visa/residency. It's a pain that he isn't in contact, because that's the bigger issue. Although in this day and age it's hard to disappear from social media etc.

But your SD is an adult and this is her pickle to unpick. I don't see why it's causing you all stress.

What’s this man generally like? Has he been a good DP to her? How old are they?
if he is otherwise a decent man who fucked up then tbh I would strongly recommend they speak to a solicitor regarding the house but carry on as normal- people fuck up and it isn’t your relationship.

It's not a short marriage, he is still married so his marriage continues until he is legally divorced.

Thank you as always for sage advice and comments.

You’ve all just echoed what we thought.

As the story was being relayed I just wanted to say “WTAF!”

They are still married so the longer he takes the more years she can say she has claim.

She is uncontactable which is a worry as this could hang over the two of them until she is sure her claim will benefit her the most. She may well have had legal advice already.

Your DSD needs her own advice too, not just him, but I would have her to it separately so she can have independent advice to check her rights.