Found out why he doesn’t want to wed

[Blodwyn66]

My Step-daughter met someone five years ago. He is Italian. A year after meeting they bought a house and are very much together as a couple and planning a family.

At a recent family wedding, the “oh you’re next” comments were made to my step-daughter and her partner, as all knew she does want to get married.

Then the bombshell, that her parents knew nothing about.
Her partner is already married to a girl he met when travelling and working in Australia. She is from Taiwan. They came to the UK a few months after marrying and he then met my step-daughter. He hinted there might have been some “cross-over”!

So it’s a bit of a mess.
Had this news been a few months into the relationship with step-daughter or even before sorting a mortgage and buying a house then steps could’ve taken to sort. But now we’re 5 yrs down the line, feelings are running high especially for my step-daughter’s mum and dad (my husband).

The BF says he is trying to ger things sorted it and has sent (two) texts to his “wife” but she has not replied. I should imagine he needs to see a solicitor?

My step/daughter knew from early on that he was married and I suppose we should all butt out, but emotionally, legally and financially it is a big deal and she will need us to support her.

Any advice on this would be hugely appreciated . Thank you

Yes but it's highly unlikely the period of long separation would be considered as part of the marriage as they're not together.

Does she understand that if he dies without a will then his wife will inherit? Even if he writes a will it could be very complicated.

Yes - the marriage was for visa/residency over here - that’s what he said.

Just that he’s having trouble getting hold if her now . 🥴

Your SD brought a house with a man who is married to someone else? Is that what you're saying?

I think your dsd has put herself in a tight situation.

But she is an adult and I wouldn’t expect her to need you to support her/sort it out/take steps.
Tbh buying a house with someone who you know is already married was crazy in the first place.
Now the only thing THEY can do (and actually it should really be HE - as in her do) is go and see a solicitor sharpish. Sort of a divorce and hope the house they’ve bought together isn’t affected.
I imagine theres also some visa issues going on (fir his wife) so again, that needs to be sorted for both their sake.

He thought that because he married in Australia that the marriage wasnt necessarily valid in England and he’d only married so his GF could come to England with him.

This both a) doesn't make any sense and b) is contradictory.

A: why wouldn't a marriage be valid elsewhere? Does he genuinely think married couples in Australia who emigrate to the UK cease being a married couple on arrival in England? Really? That families that migrate from Australia, NZ, Italy, France, China etc are all 'invalid' on arrival and need to get legally married in the UK? I don't buy it. He cannot possibly believe that.

B: If he didn't believe the marriage was valid in England, why would he even need to marry the GF for her to come with him to England? How does that make any sense? It contradicts itself. If the marriage 'isn't valid' in the UK then why the need to get married then?

No, he sounds like a cheating scumbag who is treating your SD like a fool.

Re the money she put in frim an inheritance, I hope she’s fine things tight so that she doesn’t risk loosing half of it…..

Who dropped the bombshell? Your step daughter is a bit bonkers

Has he been a good partner?
It depends on the definition. They seem to get on well, enjoy time together. Cares for her and will show be affection.
He absolutely did feck up and I get that - it was meant with good intention but he was naive; as they have both been in not trying to sort out the legalities before buying a house together and letting it go on for so long .

It was mentioned upthread, but is she absolutely 100% sure he doesn't have kids, either with his wife or anyone else? Your DSD needs to know this with CERTAINTY before she invests anything else into this relationship. If he has a kid with his wife her case will be stronger.

Only he can sort this by getting legal advice and serving his ex with divorce papers.

Sounds like he hasn't made any attempt to do this, so probably isn't really keen to be divorced.

Other than getting DD's inheritance deposit ring fenced I don't see why you're being so dramatic about this.

Obviously it's a bit hurtful she didn't feel she could tell her mum, dad or you but why the gandering over her needing 'support.

It's not like he lied to her!

He thought that because he married in Australia that the marriage wasnt necessarily valid in England and he’d only married so his GF could come to England with him.

I'd trust this guy as far as I could throw him coming up with that bullshit. That makes no sense. He married her to bring her to England but thought the marriage wouldn't be valid in England?

Try again, dude.

But, your sd knew this. She needs to see her own lawyer if everything she put into this house is at risk and if there's any steps she can take to minimize any more risk.

Was her deposit in the house ring fenced? They own as tenants in common? Or is it jointly owned?

He cheated on his brand new wife, after spending all the necessary money to get married and move to the UK. Then hasn’t divorced so the wife has a claim on the house and if he died tomorrow, the wife gets his half of that house, including deposit money from your SD’s inheritance if she didn’t protect it?

They’re idiots. And she has lumbered herself with a cheater.

He might not have cheated with his wife, if it was genuinely an arrangement to get a visa. It might not have been a particularly intense or monogamous relationship.

Then there wouldn’t have been overlap, like he suggested there was. If there was overlap then it means he was in an actual relationship with his wife, and then met the daughter and cheated.

Your post is a bit gossipy no? Not to mention outing.
Keep your nose out of it!

have her dad and mum sit her down. Step 1, sell the house and take back and bank her deposit. Split any equity after her deposit. Step 2, they get a rental for a while whilst he divorces. THEN she can reinvest her downpayment and ring fence it in a new purchase.

He thought that because he married in Australia that the marriage wasnt necessarily valid in England and he’d only married so his GF could come to England with him.

Oh, come on!

Does he come across as a dope in general?

No one even half-educated would think that a legal marriage in a country like Australia would not be valid in the UK!

A very simple fix would be to quickly remove his name from the house and change it into your DSD name only?

I put it in ' ' because I was having a brainfart as to the correct term but his wife will be able to put in a claim for half of his assets which include the house. And it's not looking to be a short marriage either as it's already 5 years with no effort on his part to start the divorce properly. This could run for another 30 years at this rate.

He thought that because he married in Australia that the marriage wasnt necessarily valid in England and he’d only married so his GF could come to England with him.
So she's knowingly shacked up with an unintelligent, stupid and law-breaking man then. She really needs to untangle her finances from him pronto and start using her brain. One of them needs to.

Yes - the marriage was for visa/residency over here - that’s what he said.

He thought that because he married in Australia that the marriage wasnt necessarily valid in England

Those statements contradict each other. They can't both be true, so somebody's lying. Maybe he lied to your sd, maybe she's lying to you because there's something else that they're hiding. But you and your husband better lock down your financials because there's something shady going on here.