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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he interested

36 replies

Jojo123425 · 17/10/2025 07:02

I'm a 42 year old woman who met a 48 year old man online and we've been dating for the last 8 weeks. He said on the first date that he wants to take things slow so we only see each other once a week on a Friday at the moment. He also said that he wants to date someone who has their own life and he has his as well as us meeting up for dates. Our life styles are very different as he's a divorced man with two children (18 and 13). His divorce was finalised a year ago. I've never been married or I don't have children but I've had relationships in the past that obviously haven't worked out, some of them have been rushed and haven't lasted long so we both have different reasons for wanting to take it slow. When we're on dates he's a lovely man who's company I really enjoy, he's affectionate, we kiss a lot at the end of dates and I love the way he just holds me and we talk loads. We always text each other when we get home from a date to say thanks for a lovely evening. We have slept together twice and he is a respectable man in the bedroom. We always meet up on a Friday so we always text on a Thursday to arrange our date as he can never say before Thursday if he can definitely meet that Friday or not. He doesn't seem to have a problem in initiating a conversation but in the conversation he doesn't ask me out for a next date, that's normally me. He does follow through no problem though. The only time that he has asked me out for a next date is when I spent the night at his place which was when we slept together for the first time. I will point out that the general feeling I get from him is that he's an introverted man and he has said that he likes his down time to himself at the beginning of the week. He is a busy man has he likes to see his kids as much as he can, he has work during the day, and he likes to go to church twice a week. We don't text each other much in-between dates. Either of us might send the odd text message to see how our days have been but that's pretty much it. This all sounds good but because I'm the one normally initiating the messages to arrange dates, I'm not sure if he's following it through just to go along with it or if he's maybe not sure if I'm not interested in him, or maybe he's not the sort of person that takes the lead when It comes to arranging dates. What does anyone think on this?

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 17/10/2025 07:04

Sounds like you want to spend more time with someone than you are getting, and that’s reasonable. It’s up to you if this is enough.

dollyblue01 · 17/10/2025 07:11

Two months in , one date a week wouldn’t be enough for me to create that bond with Someone, are you happy with that , when will it progress to more ? And will it ?

Jojo123425 · 17/10/2025 07:19

PersephoneParlormaid · 17/10/2025 07:04

Sounds like you want to spend more time with someone than you are getting, and that’s reasonable. It’s up to you if this is enough.

Once a week at the moment is ok with me but I had thought about maybe suggesting twice a week. The thing I'm more concerned about is the fact he seems to hold back when It comes to asking me out for the next date, even though he initiates the conversation. I wasn't sure if he was just going along with things or just a guy who holds back for whatever reason.

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 17/10/2025 07:23

Just make sure you’re not being used for sex. He’s not giving you much considering it’s a new relationship where you should be loved up. I’d be worried what the future would look like if you stay together long term, but maybe you shouldn’t worry about that if you’re happy and you feel safe with him.

DaisyChain505 · 17/10/2025 07:33

Well next week don’t initiate and see what happens. If you don’t hear from him you know what his intentions are. Simple.

Bellevue858 · 17/10/2025 07:38

Sounds more like an ‘arrangement’ than a relationship to me, one that’s on his terms.

Moresparecashplease · 17/10/2025 07:50

I would be concerned about the " always on a Friday" that he had other women on the go that were "always on" other days of the week.

ForTipsyFinch · 17/10/2025 07:54

Why doesn’t he know before Thursday if he can meet up?

All this creates an impression that you’re waiting around for him to say whether he can or not. How would it go if you decided you couldn’t meet one weekend? I suspect not well. He seems to be calling all the shots here.

ChristmasFluff · 17/10/2025 08:31

Funny how when men want to 'go slow' that never extends to sex, and only to how often they have to see you.

Endofyear · 17/10/2025 09:06

Maybe stop initiating the next date and see what happens?

Ceci693 · 17/10/2025 09:50

I’d be a bit wary OP. Maybe stop initiating things and let him take the lead so you can get an idea of where he is at. Does seem like he’s calling all the shots. Maybe don’t be free on Friday . Mix it up a bit. Personally I wouldn’t be happy with this. I’d want more !

Girlmom35 · 17/10/2025 10:37

This wouldn't sit well with me.
It's not wrong of bad per se, but I would feel very unsatisfied dating someone who doesn't take any initiative to spend time with me.

Planesmistakenforstars · 17/10/2025 11:07

What is the reason for only going on dates on a Friday specifically? Why does he only know the day before if he can see you? It all seems very much on his terms only.
If you did not initiate a "next date" chat, would he? Because if he would just leave it, then you have your answer really. At two months in I'd want to be dating someone who was excited to see me, even accepting that he's busy/wants to take things slowly (though not in regards to sex, only in regards to hardly seeing you.)

carmak · 17/10/2025 11:08

Presumably you only know what he's told you OP.

Kids, work, church, fair enough. Not much time for a proper relationship though, unless he really, really wants one.

Retro12 · 17/10/2025 11:14

I would refrain from reaching out and leave the ball in his court, you will then see what he's intentions are. If you're looking for more, and to be a priority, don't settle.

Peaknique · 17/10/2025 11:17

So you keep your Friday evenings free for him, and he only tells you on a Thursday whether he'll deign to sleep with you see you that week?

Nope.

Badbadbunny · 17/10/2025 11:21

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt really at such an early stage. It may be that his break up was prolonged and painful and he's wary of getting too deep with someone new too quickly, or he may be "busy" with his teenage children who he presumably still sees quite a lot - there may be limited days when his kids aren't staying at his. Only a year after divorce isn't much time to have got over it all and be ready to be serious with a new love interest. What are his work commitments, what are his hobby/interest commitments. He may be juggling more than people think.

I understand that OP wants to spend more time with the new man, and presumably new man wants to spend more time with OP, but compromise has to be made if things are complicated for him. His children will always come first - perhaps they've taken badly to the divorce and need a lot of attention/care and maybe he's not even told them about his new relationship yet?

When I first met my now DH, he was glacially slow and I got very frustrated as he just wouldn't spend the kind of time with me that I wanted and wouldn't commit to dates etc in advance. It was so bad that after 2/3 months, a different bloke started sniffing around me and I ended up seeing them both at the same time for a few weeks, the new guy was a lot more available, and I was seeing him 3/4 dates per week against first guy's one per week. I eventually gave first guy an ultimatum that I needed to see him more, or we were through. He couldn't so that was it. However, new guy only lasted a few months as the initial excitement quickly wore off and I realised I didn't actually like him that much and it was only his availability that I was craving, so I ditched him. Luckily first guy was still "on the scene" in the background, we didn't date during that period, but we still talked and saw eachother in non dating occasions, and we ended up back together and I think it knocked some sense into him, in that we started seeing over 2/3 times per week instead of once. Still not enough for me, after a year of knowing each other, but it was a compromise I could accept for the greater good. Now been together 38 years! He eventually opened up and explained why he was wary of committing too much at the early stages of a new relationship (past awful break up, family, work etc) which were entirely reasonable and I wish he'd spoken out a lot earlier - he was basically scared of getting stung again, and had a lot going on in the background with his parents and work - all genuine.

OP probably needs a few serious heart to heart talks with her new man to help her understand why he only wants to see her once a week. There may be genuine reasons, or he may just be stringing her along. But second guessing is not good. Get the facts and be assertive.

MayaPinion · 17/10/2025 11:25

If you have to ask, the answer is no. A man who is mad about you will want to see you, want to contact you, want to spend time with you. Men really aren’t that complicated. If they want to be with you, you’ll know.

Peaknique · 17/10/2025 11:28

MayaPinion · 17/10/2025 11:25

If you have to ask, the answer is no. A man who is mad about you will want to see you, want to contact you, want to spend time with you. Men really aren’t that complicated. If they want to be with you, you’ll know.

He's got a cushy number at the moment. OP is constantly available to him on Friday nights, he just has to decide if he can be bothered to see her or not. She even does the running!

OP, you're being taken for an absolute mug here.

UpDownAllAround1 · 17/10/2025 11:33

Tell him what you need re communication

seanconneryseyebrow · 17/10/2025 11:36

Honestly don’t bother. He’s not initiating, it’s not equal, you are second guessing whether he likes you - it’s not worth it! Your communication styles don’t match. Discussing it won’t help cos then you will always feel it isn’t authentic and he’s initiating cos you asked/demanded he did which doesn’t make it intrinisic.

ive been where you are, and then I met my boyfriend and I had zero doubts, it was completely equal so by 3
mths we were in love and we both feel completely secure cos our communication and needs match. I wasted years on people where that wasn’t the case. The right one it’s easy (wish someone had told me this in my twenties!)

Mammyloveswine · 17/10/2025 11:38

Ok I’m also two months in but I’m a single parent and only have other weekend free! We plan every other weekend when we are gonna see each other, text every day and ring probably every other night, we have had a few extra dates when my dad has babysat too! It’s hard as a single parent but if you want to make it work there’s ways to! Time for an upfront and honest convo I think! Xx

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 17/10/2025 11:45

The question isn’t so much ‘is he interested?’ but is he interested in the same type of relationship as you?

It sounds like he’s been quite clear about what he’s looking for. If you want more that’s completely reasonable but it’s probably not going to be with him.

Greenwriter76 · 17/10/2025 11:52

The way to find out is don’t suggest meeting up when it comes to Thursday, and see if he does. Do something else for yourself on Friday. If he doesn’t mention it I wouldn’t panic, leave it a week and do the same the next Thursday. You don’t have to see him every Friday especially if he isn’t initiating meeting up. See what happens if you leave it a second week.
I think you’re making it too easy for him and also if you keep doing it, he never will, and if that continues you will continue to feel frustrated.
Make him take the lead which will also reveal his intentions.
To add, by 2 months in my now DH and I were talking about our future together and making plans. And we only saw each other at weekends at that point as we lived 1h45m apart. Obviously not everyone is the same or goes at the same pace though.

Didimum · 17/10/2025 11:56

It seems like you're bending yourself into a shape to fit his style of dating and communication. It doesn't sound like it's actually for you, but that you are very much having to make the effort to second guess what's happening and what happens next.

Say what you mean and mean what you say, and if he can't come to the table for that, then you have your answer.