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Original poster

Is he interested

36 replies

Jojo123425 · 17/10/2025 07:02

I'm a 42 year old woman who met a 48 year old man online and we've been dating for the last 8 weeks. He said on the first date that he wants to take things slow so we only see each other once a week on a Friday at the moment. He also said that he wants to date someone who has their own life and he has his as well as us meeting up for dates. Our life styles are very different as he's a divorced man with two children (18 and 13). His divorce was finalised a year ago. I've never been married or I don't have children but I've had relationships in the past that obviously haven't worked out, some of them have been rushed and haven't lasted long so we both have different reasons for wanting to take it slow. When we're on dates he's a lovely man who's company I really enjoy, he's affectionate, we kiss a lot at the end of dates and I love the way he just holds me and we talk loads. We always text each other when we get home from a date to say thanks for a lovely evening. We have slept together twice and he is a respectable man in the bedroom. We always meet up on a Friday so we always text on a Thursday to arrange our date as he can never say before Thursday if he can definitely meet that Friday or not. He doesn't seem to have a problem in initiating a conversation but in the conversation he doesn't ask me out for a next date, that's normally me. He does follow through no problem though. The only time that he has asked me out for a next date is when I spent the night at his place which was when we slept together for the first time. I will point out that the general feeling I get from him is that he's an introverted man and he has said that he likes his down time to himself at the beginning of the week. He is a busy man has he likes to see his kids as much as he can, he has work during the day, and he likes to go to church twice a week. We don't text each other much in-between dates. Either of us might send the odd text message to see how our days have been but that's pretty much it. This all sounds good but because I'm the one normally initiating the messages to arrange dates, I'm not sure if he's following it through just to go along with it or if he's maybe not sure if I'm not interested in him, or maybe he's not the sort of person that takes the lead when It comes to arranging dates. What does anyone think on this?

OP posts:
Epidote · 17/10/2025 12:02

I agree with PP seems like you are bending to meet his style. If you want to know there is not better way than trial and error.
Ask him for another date, another day or don't ask and wait for him. Don't be shy, what you don't want is get very attached to him to discover that he is not going to take the relationship anywhere other than a bit of conversation and sex every now and them.

NuffSaidSam · 17/10/2025 12:02

I would say don't overthink it, don't waste time and energy over analysing and worrying and building it up in your head.

Go with how you feel about it. If you're ok with it carry on. If not, communicate this to him, see how things change and then how you feel about that and so on.

His style of dating will be fine for some people, not for others. There isn't an objective right answer, just what's right for you.

CeffylCoch · 17/10/2025 12:36

I would take a step back and see what happens

tripleginandtonic · 17/10/2025 12:40

DaisyChain505 · 17/10/2025 07:33

Well next week don’t initiate and see what happens. If you don’t hear from him you know what his intentions are. Simple.

This. If he's interested he will make an effort OP.

PoliteEagle · 17/10/2025 14:28

Right, so you are just sitting and waiting whether he will find time for you this Friday? Dont you think you need to value yourself more

Original poster
Jojo123425 · 17/10/2025 15:07

Badbadbunny · 17/10/2025 11:21

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt really at such an early stage. It may be that his break up was prolonged and painful and he's wary of getting too deep with someone new too quickly, or he may be "busy" with his teenage children who he presumably still sees quite a lot - there may be limited days when his kids aren't staying at his. Only a year after divorce isn't much time to have got over it all and be ready to be serious with a new love interest. What are his work commitments, what are his hobby/interest commitments. He may be juggling more than people think.

I understand that OP wants to spend more time with the new man, and presumably new man wants to spend more time with OP, but compromise has to be made if things are complicated for him. His children will always come first - perhaps they've taken badly to the divorce and need a lot of attention/care and maybe he's not even told them about his new relationship yet?

When I first met my now DH, he was glacially slow and I got very frustrated as he just wouldn't spend the kind of time with me that I wanted and wouldn't commit to dates etc in advance. It was so bad that after 2/3 months, a different bloke started sniffing around me and I ended up seeing them both at the same time for a few weeks, the new guy was a lot more available, and I was seeing him 3/4 dates per week against first guy's one per week. I eventually gave first guy an ultimatum that I needed to see him more, or we were through. He couldn't so that was it. However, new guy only lasted a few months as the initial excitement quickly wore off and I realised I didn't actually like him that much and it was only his availability that I was craving, so I ditched him. Luckily first guy was still "on the scene" in the background, we didn't date during that period, but we still talked and saw eachother in non dating occasions, and we ended up back together and I think it knocked some sense into him, in that we started seeing over 2/3 times per week instead of once. Still not enough for me, after a year of knowing each other, but it was a compromise I could accept for the greater good. Now been together 38 years! He eventually opened up and explained why he was wary of committing too much at the early stages of a new relationship (past awful break up, family, work etc) which were entirely reasonable and I wish he'd spoken out a lot earlier - he was basically scared of getting stung again, and had a lot going on in the background with his parents and work - all genuine.

OP probably needs a few serious heart to heart talks with her new man to help her understand why he only wants to see her once a week. There may be genuine reasons, or he may just be stringing her along. But second guessing is not good. Get the facts and be assertive.

I'm seeing him this evening for a date so I'm going to ask him about seeing each other twice a week and just see what he says.

OP posts:
Rumpledandcrumpled · 17/10/2025 15:11

Is it really you think he’s thinking you’re not interested, or more you’re thinking he isn’t that interested due to the fact he doesn’t really ask you out.

as a pp said, don’t initiate see if he just lets it go or reaches out. It’s clear you want more, it’s odd you need to ask to see each other twice a week. Thay sort of stuff should be natural right now in the honey moon period.

StrengthPleaseToday · 17/10/2025 16:08

Bellevue858 · 17/10/2025 07:38

Sounds more like an ‘arrangement’ than a relationship to me, one that’s on his terms.

I was thinking this

Peaknique · 17/10/2025 16:31

Jojo123425 · 17/10/2025 15:07

I'm seeing him this evening for a date so I'm going to ask him about seeing each other twice a week and just see what he says.

Show quote history

He might say he will, tonight, when he wants to have his weekly shag. But, for some complicated reasons, he won't ever be able to see you more than once a week.

momtoboys · 17/10/2025 16:36

I hope the conversation tonight goes the way you want it to.

YumYa · 17/10/2025 16:38

I personally wouldn't bother asking and see how long it takes for him to ask. If he didn't I'd move on.

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