How should I approach potential physical relationship now I'm worried they have an STI

[forestbear]

I have been speaking with a guy for a while though we've only kissed there's been no other physical contact

He's older than me, and we've spoken about sex in the past and I've mentioned I've only had sex if the partner wears a condom (as it's safe plus also don't want to risk pregnancy) he's confessed he doesn't and we've spoke about what that would mean for us if we were to have sex, as he has mentioned he'd like unprotected sex with me (granted I'm on the pill)

Now, he's confessed to me, prefacing all of this as "not contagious or infectious" and speaking that his mother also struggled with this (?), that he has genital warts. He was very insistent it's not contagious and it is just benign warts that have formed there, so a doctor says

Initially I didn't say much as I took his story at face value but went away and did some googling and this is apparently a form of HPV. I am now very anxious about what this would mean for us sexually going forward and will approach this with him again but unsure if any sex at all should be considered until he does something

It’s not a very exciting answer but genuinely my advice would be that if you cannot have these kind of open conversations with a partner, and trust that they are being completely honest, then you should not be even considering an intimate relationship with them.

No no no no no to unprotected sex with this man. In fact, I don’t think I would bother with him at all. Read up on genital warts. Just no.

If there’s warts they are contagious, I 100% would not be having unprotected sex with him and I probably wouldn’t have any sex at all with a man that tries to convince me to have unprotected sex when I have said I always have protected sex especially when they have genital warts

First post nails it.
my simple answer is that you don’t!

it’s not so much that he has HPV but that he is careless with his (and your) sexual health and he is not honest. Has he offered to have a sexual health check up before ditching the condoms? How does he, or you, know that he has no other infections?

Just no !
Throw this one back

Quite honestly OP why would you have unprotected sex with someone who is essentially a stranger and put your health at risk?
Goodness knows what STI's you could end up with.

Why would you approach him about this again? What more is there to say?

Hes lied to you, warts are infectious and knowing he has an infectious disease, said that he wants unprotected sex

What the fuck? Run away from this horrible man as fast as possible

Absolutely do not have unprotected set with this man.
Id be quite put off by the way hes pressuring you into unprotected sex in the first place.

How is this even a question? This man should already be blocked.

Active genital warts are highly contagious. They’re also highly visible and tbh it’s absolutely grim that a man with an active infestation is lining up his next shag 🤢

Even wearing a comdom won’t protect you entirely from genital warts, it’s different than STIs that are passed via bodily fluids, you have skin contact to consider so any part of him with warts that isn’t covered (consider also comdoms tend to shift up the shaft during sex) could very well pass the virus onto you when in contact.
embarrassment might be prompting him to downplay it but it’s very immature and you’re messing with your health, what happens when you split with this guy and you have to navigate this with a new partner if youre infected.
you’re best off out of there sorry OP

Also to add, if he’s that reckless with sexual health he could have anything lurking like HIV for all you both know

Setting aside the genital warts issue for a moment. When you discussed sex you set a clear boundary (you want to use a condom) he immediately failed to respect that?
That’s the point that, for me, discussions of sex would have stopped and I would have moved on.
If he doesn’t respect your boundaries or listen to you in any real way then he is just not a keeper.
You can do better op!

Condoms don’t protect from HPV anyway

This is a thing that some men try on at the start of relationships. It is a load of bollocks and generally considered to be pretty low grade behaviour. If he likes you enough, he’ll wear a condom.

Why hasn't he had them treated?

Yes, this - it's a huge red flag.

Ars you really that desperate?? Come on!!!! It is a signifier of his whole shitty personality.

I would not go near this man's dick if he covered it with a bag for life

No condoms, no sex. Any man who won't accept that is not a keeper.

And a quick google will tell you he's a liar, because genital warts are infectious. And why hasn't he got them treated?

He sounds repulsive and how have you not dumped him already?

Also I think we are all skimming over the fact it looks as if he caught them off his mother

Probably the biggest red flag in the world.

Never have sex with a man who won’t wear a condom unless you’re in a committed exclusive relationship and have had STI tests.

Deary me

Bin this one right now. I would have done so the first time he mentioned that he only wants unprotected sex. Nah, not his choice. No wonder he has an STI and I’m guessing that he doesn’t get regular sexual health check ups given how little knowledge he has, so there’s a chance he also has others.

I work in sexual health and yes, genital warts are contagious, and even if you use a condom. They require skin to skin contact to be transmitted, unlike things like chlamydia, so you can get them simply from touching of infected skin, even if you don’t have sex and even if a condom is used (it only covers the skin on the penis).

He sounds gross. Block him and find someone decent.

So an older man is trying to push you into unprotected sex knowing he has a highly transmissible STI - big hard no fucking thanks.

Honestly you need to look at raising your bar if you’re even considering touching this creature with a 20 foot pole