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Original poster

If you wanted to have sex (not with DH/DP) in the next month, could you?

59 replies

SecretLife · 21/01/2005 13:19

Strange question, I know, but the "have I fallen for the oldest trick" thread got me thinking...

If you decided that you wanted a 'fling' within the next month, would you be able to do it?

By that I mean:

  • is your life so predictable that it would be impossible to 'create' an evening/night out without your DH/DP being suspicious?
  • do you have 'cover' i.e. friends your DH doesn't know, that you could pretend to be with?
  • do you have friends/ex-lovers etc who would be instantly up for it if you made it clear you were interested?

I don't really mean, could you go out to a club, get completely rat-arsed and go home with the first bloke who'd have you - I mean something much more calculated and planned than that.

And I guess the other question would be
"And have you?"

I don't want to get into a discussion about the morals of such behaviour - it's clearly wrong - it's just I have a suspicion that more women are adulterous than perhaps is realised?

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 21/01/2005 15:20

I'm with lulupop on this one. I can totally understand why people do it, but it really isn't worth it. IME it is absolutely soul destroying to have to live with the guilt.

FineFigureFio · 21/01/2005 15:23

sobernow that is hilarious!

secur · 21/01/2005 15:24

Message withdrawn

Blackduck · 21/01/2005 15:24

Could I? - yes...
Would I? - no.....for me that would mean the end of me and dp and I'd have to end it first IYSWIM
I believe you have to trust the other person...had a very odd situation a couple of years ago where dp said I'll be late home tonight - he was actaully so late home he arrived the following night! People at wrk thought it was odd that I wasn't immediately suspicious - I wasn't - I trust him......or perhaps I'm just naive (and he does work with university students )

spacedonkey · 21/01/2005 15:25

I agree with blackduck. IME the first time you break that trust, your relationship might as well be over.

Twiglett · 21/01/2005 15:26

Would I logistically be able to arrange it .. yes

Would I be able to actually do it .. no

Would I want to .. no

Sponge · 21/01/2005 15:32

Agree. My dh has always said that if he found out I'd cheated on him he'd leave immediately. I'm not sure if I would definitely leave in the reverse situation but I know I'd never really forgive him and never really get over it.
Absolutely not worth it.

paolosgirl · 21/01/2005 15:39

Could I? Yes...with an ex

Would I? No.....at the moment...but I'll stop right there.

blush00 · 21/01/2005 15:42

Not only could I get away with it, but I did!! I was really unhappy in the marriage, sex was crap, and I wanted out. However I had the opportunity and took it to have an affair for 6 months. Either dh didn't notice or (more likely) he just didn't know what to say. So I told him exactly what was going on. this was 8 years ago and dh and I now have a fantastic marriage. No-one in rl knows about this (except the chap I sh*gged) and dh and I now joke about my 'sex therapy'. So MNers what do you make of that?

blush222 · 21/01/2005 15:46

Well I would say that it's a similar story to me.
I did it for the same reasons, dh didn't notice, only I stupidly kept the secret to myself for 5 years then confessed to dh

It was hell for months, then we worked it out and have a great marriage

I hope this name change works

paolosgirl · 21/01/2005 15:48

Almost ditto, Blush

anorak · 21/01/2005 15:48

I could do it because dh trusts me. And that's one of the reasons I never would.

I also wouldn't do it because I am a grown-up.

blush222 · 21/01/2005 15:50

I would never ever advise anyone to do it though, if you feel you have to resort to that kind of behaviour, step outside your relationship and get your head clear first.

It isn't clever and it really isn't pretty

paolosgirl · 21/01/2005 15:53

It definitely tests the marriage, and causes a lot of hurt, that's for sure, but it can be overcome and the relationship can be stronger and better. A lot of talking and communication is needed, and a lot of commitment from both sides.
Affairs are not right, and I'm not going to justify them, but affairs can be love affairs as well as purely sexual.

secur · 21/01/2005 15:58

Message withdrawn

handlemecarefully · 21/01/2005 16:03

Christ no I wouldn't do it. It is bad enough having to shag dh without having to shag someone on the side too.

anorak · 21/01/2005 16:03

hmc

KathH · 21/01/2005 16:04

ditto!

handlemecarefully · 21/01/2005 16:04

wish my flippant remark hadn't come straight after your post secur

secur · 21/01/2005 16:05

Message withdrawn

blush00 · 21/01/2005 16:11

Forgot to say I was paying for the sex! That makes it 1000 times worse doesn't it??? Thing is I went to a chiropractor who then referred me to a sports massage clinic - and ummm...... I got more than I bargained for.!

blush00 · 21/01/2005 18:07

bump

blush00 · 21/01/2005 19:16

bump

galaxy · 21/01/2005 19:19

Are you dying to get a reaction or something?

jessicasmummy · 21/01/2005 19:21

wouldnt even cross my mind, even if thigns arent all that rosy here tonight