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Original poster

He’s not that into me, is he?

32 replies

FatalCattraction · 14/10/2025 21:48

Met a guy a week ago. Very good time, lots of conversation. We kissed, it was good kissing.

Since then, messaged a few times back and forth , referred to the sparks but not asked for a second date.

Yes, I could ask him but I’ve done that before.

Each time encouraged by friends he must like you, he’s still messaging you etc etc, so I suggest the second date.

Each time those guys, they weren’t that into me. I always knew it. I’d get hurt, usual story.

One of them I ended up having a long term relationships, with kids. I knew then too, but settled as I was in the last chance saloon. That’s now ended.

Its now a week later, this most recent date has not directly asked to see me again. He’s confident, and had no issues initially with the banter and chat.

We met online. I think he’s hedging his bets, keeping me interested with chats and a bit of flirting but deep down I think he isn’t that into me, is he?

OP posts:
Brightbluesomething · 14/10/2025 21:50

If he wanted to see you he would. I’d keep looking.

MeetMyCat · 14/10/2025 21:50

If he wanted to see you, he would be asking. Lots of us have learnt that the hard way.

strawgoh · 14/10/2025 21:50

Maybe he's got more than one option to test drive.

Bide your time and see what happens.

lovecookiedough · 14/10/2025 22:11

Some guys just like casual dating and like many women but isn’t wanting to settle for just one, likes breadcrumbing for attention, but doesn’t sound like he’s crazy into you, I find you don’t need to chase if they can’t wait to see you again as he wouldn’t want to lose you to another man.

Bittenonce · 14/10/2025 22:12

Sorry, but you’ve got to leave this one, block snd delete.

Beamur · 14/10/2025 22:14

Yep. Chalk it down as a nice date but going nowhere.

Elixir86 · 14/10/2025 22:18

I'd probably say once you've had one date and you've seen his personality type in person, "confident", then yeah, if he wanted to see you again he'd ask.
Isn't always the case as a friend of mine took 3 weeks of chatting online to pluck up the courage to ask the girl out as he was really keen but massively nervous. They are still together over a year later.
But I think that's more the exception and not the norm.
It now depends on what you want. If you enjoy chatting then you can but I'd be getting back out there and not waiting for him.

Lighteningstrikes · 14/10/2025 22:19

Don’t chase him.
If he wants you, he’ll get you.

LemonLass · 14/10/2025 22:24

FatalCattraction · 14/10/2025 21:48

Met a guy a week ago. Very good time, lots of conversation. We kissed, it was good kissing.

Since then, messaged a few times back and forth , referred to the sparks but not asked for a second date.

Yes, I could ask him but I’ve done that before.

Each time encouraged by friends he must like you, he’s still messaging you etc etc, so I suggest the second date.

Each time those guys, they weren’t that into me. I always knew it. I’d get hurt, usual story.

One of them I ended up having a long term relationships, with kids. I knew then too, but settled as I was in the last chance saloon. That’s now ended.

Its now a week later, this most recent date has not directly asked to see me again. He’s confident, and had no issues initially with the banter and chat.

We met online. I think he’s hedging his bets, keeping me interested with chats and a bit of flirting but deep down I think he isn’t that into me, is he?

Hi @FatalCattraction
That situation sucks. If you knew for sure he had other potentials on the side or that he simply didnt want to have another date, what would you feel about that?

I am asking because it may help identify why you care about seeing him again when you get that (same as previous relationships) feeling he isnt interested? Do you like men that play hard to get (enjoy pursuing)? Totaly genuine question for reflection (not for a response for the forum).

I hope you spread the net wide, pursue other potential partners for yourself and see that this one's enthusiasm doesnt match yours. Doesnt make him a bad person but hardly Mr Keen 🤔

AtBeaverGoat · 14/10/2025 22:53

Lighteningstrikes · 14/10/2025 22:19

Don’t chase him.
If he wants you, he’ll get you.

Or maybe he is just waiting too see how interested the woman really is

Goodtick · 14/10/2025 23:06

AtBeaverGoat · 14/10/2025 22:53

Or maybe he is just waiting too see how interested the woman really is

Show quote history

He isn’t waiting to see how interested she is

Endofyear · 14/10/2025 23:21

I think you're right, he's just not that into you. If he was keen, he'd definitely have asked for a second date. Don't waste any more of your time messaging with him.

JJZ · 15/10/2025 11:01

AtBeaverGoat · 14/10/2025 22:53

Or maybe he is just waiting too see how interested the woman really is

Show quote history

Exactly, contrary to Mumsnet popular belief, not ALL men like to chase. I have a male friend who’s 46 and has NEVER asked a woman out/approached someone but has had many girlfriends. He was engaged to my sister at one point, and he adored her. She still had to do the running.

Retro12 · 15/10/2025 14:31

FatalCattraction · 14/10/2025 21:48

Met a guy a week ago. Very good time, lots of conversation. We kissed, it was good kissing.

Since then, messaged a few times back and forth , referred to the sparks but not asked for a second date.

Yes, I could ask him but I’ve done that before.

Each time encouraged by friends he must like you, he’s still messaging you etc etc, so I suggest the second date.

Each time those guys, they weren’t that into me. I always knew it. I’d get hurt, usual story.

One of them I ended up having a long term relationships, with kids. I knew then too, but settled as I was in the last chance saloon. That’s now ended.

Its now a week later, this most recent date has not directly asked to see me again. He’s confident, and had no issues initially with the banter and chat.

We met online. I think he’s hedging his bets, keeping me interested with chats and a bit of flirting but deep down I think he isn’t that into me, is he?

If he wanted to see you again I would say he would have asked you by now.

He is probably speaking/going on dates with others and keeping you an option. I would park this one up and carry on dating. x

workshy46 · 15/10/2025 16:33

AtBeaverGoat · 14/10/2025 22:53

Or maybe he is just waiting too see how interested the woman really is

Show quote history

I’ve seen this advice a lot on here .. op messages and it is always the same result .. not interested. He knows you are as you kissed him and still messaged .. he’s either dating others or not that bothered and if you ask will probably meet again but again no real interest from his side. It’s not that complicated.. you will know if a guy likes you as he will show it .. you won’t be confused .. if you are it means he doesn’t like you that much .. maybe exceptions but generally that’s the rule

THisbackwithavengeance · 15/10/2025 17:06

Kids in a sweet shop OP sadly…

aquashiv · 15/10/2025 17:10

Ask him out if you're interested. Don't wait; I can't deal with these games. If he says no, then move on.

Blushingm · 15/10/2025 17:13

Just ask him??? Why should he be the one to ask you on a date? He might be thinking the same - you’ve not suggested anything so aren’t that in to him?

games are for kids - if you like him just say you’ll like to see him again?

AtBeaverGoat · 15/10/2025 17:14

workshy46 · 15/10/2025 16:33

I’ve seen this advice a lot on here .. op messages and it is always the same result .. not interested. He knows you are as you kissed him and still messaged .. he’s either dating others or not that bothered and if you ask will probably meet again but again no real interest from his side. It’s not that complicated.. you will know if a guy likes you as he will show it .. you won’t be confused .. if you are it means he doesn’t like you that much .. maybe exceptions but generally that’s the rule

Show quote history

I’ve never understood this sit on your hands mentality when it comes to dating- no one is ever encouraged to do nothing in any other aspect of life

sloshis · 15/10/2025 17:20

If he likes you, you’ll know. If you’re confused, he doesn’t.

Laiste · 15/10/2025 17:25

sloshis · 15/10/2025 17:20

If he likes you, you’ll know. If you’re confused, he doesn’t.

yeah this

if you're the sort of person who likes to be swept off your feet you'll be left wanting by this one sadly.

if you're happy taking the lead then go ahead.

momtoboys · 15/10/2025 17:26

I think they call what he is doing "breadcrumbing". You deserve better.

workshy46 · 15/10/2025 17:36

AtBeaverGoat · 15/10/2025 17:14

I’ve never understood this sit on your hands mentality when it comes to dating- no one is ever encouraged to do nothing in any other aspect of life

Show quote history

Im not saying sit on her hands, I'm saying move on as hes not that interested. She could ask but she will either get a non committal reply or a flat out no, why give him the satisfaction

Original poster
FatalCattraction · 15/10/2025 18:16

Thank you all for commenting, I am out of practice with all this malarkey but I’m tired of the one asking and arranging. It’s never served me well in the past.

I am sure we could meet again and have a nice evening. Some flirting. Kissing. Nice way to spend an evening when in town. But I don’t want to be his or anybody else’s diary fodder. 😂

He comes to my city for work every fortnight so he’s got limited time here. If he wanted to see me again, he’d make sure I was free next time he’s here. He hasn’t. I think my gut is right.

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 15/10/2025 18:27

You are right. Bloody timewasters

When I met my dh i was actually so fucked off at every movie / book / random piece of shite media foisted on women about "overcoming obstacles" to "get the guy"
And how if you are "enough" he will love you.
Its bullshit.

When I met my dh it was just nice.
No butterflies.
No nerves.
No dizzying highs.
Just really lovely nice times (which sounds slame but was amazing)
I never doubted him, he messaged when he supposed to, i wasnt checked whats app for delivered stamps, it was just consistent and there were no games. We met 3 times a week and made ot works even if the dates were bit weird (Canada water on a tuesday at 8pm in 2016 anyone?)

He told me years later he thought he'd be verrry lucky to get a shot with me when we matched on hinge he was like "yesssss" and he just generally really wanted to "lock it in" with me 🤣