He’s not that into me, is he?

[FatalCattraction]

Met a guy a week ago. Very good time, lots of conversation. We kissed, it was good kissing.

Since then, messaged a few times back and forth , referred to the sparks but not asked for a second date.

Yes, I could ask him but I’ve done that before.

Each time encouraged by friends he must like you, he’s still messaging you etc etc, so I suggest the second date.

Each time those guys, they weren’t that into me. I always knew it. I’d get hurt, usual story.

One of them I ended up having a long term relationships, with kids. I knew then too, but settled as I was in the last chance saloon. That’s now ended.

Its now a week later, this most recent date has not directly asked to see me again. He’s confident, and had no issues initially with the banter and chat.

We met online. I think he’s hedging his bets, keeping me interested with chats and a bit of flirting but deep down I think he isn’t that into me, is he?

I’ve never understood this sit on your hands mentality when it comes to dating- no one is ever encouraged to do nothing in any other aspect of life

@AtBeaverGoat i agree that such a stance is never recommended elsewhere, but I’ve seldom heard of success where a woman pursues a man. It’s one thing to hint at an open door, but beyond that, I wouldn’t bother. I guarantee there will now be several posters who made the first move successfully but they seem to be in the minority

it’s not passivity, it’s observation.

Because men regularly shoot their shot with women they have no chance with.

There is NO way they wouldn’t with a woman they like who they could have futher dates with. No asking for another date nearly immediately equals lack of interest.

Yes i agree with pp.

The majority of men will chase what they want. It's how our society (and arguably biology) is and is the expected norm.

No it doesn't HAVE to be this way but it generally just is. Therefore as a woman if you don't feel chased it's most likely because you're you're not (being).

To my mind, the key word is 'confident'. It is a subjective assessment by OP and there is a scale within the realms of confident men. However, a confident guy that was having a nice date with a girl he liked, whose locality he was in every two weeks would set the next date before leaving the girl that evening - and certainly within a few days.

Unless he wasn't sure, had other dates on the go, very much enjoys being in control, or didn't mind her having a change of heart in the period of time until he finally got around to asking her out.

Move on.

Furthermore, what about the other girl he sees in his home city?

My expectation of FWB or no string sex would be that you would talk first to establish what you want and your boundaries - which is almost as much work as a relationship. He's not going to ask you out if he thinks you want to date him but he doesn't want that but doesn't know what you want.
With regards to the sex chat, unless you are both upfront about what you're looking for I can see that it's tiring to do that when you don't feel anything is moving anywhere.
Also why does he have to ask you out? Your the one that wants no strings sex, why can't you tell him what you want?

What if he's been through the same situations asking for second dates and is right now having this same conversation with his friends or even online. Asking if she is into me she'd ask for a second date.

People get way to hung up on little things. If you want a second date. Ask for a second date. If he says no then move on.

It's that old adage. You dont ask, you dont get.