Advice please, is my husband cheating ?

[Somedaysoon92]

Hello

I received a call from a no caller Id on Friday, don’t normally answer but I’m Awaiting a call from the hospital and they have rang me previously with a withheld number.

So I pick up and this woman says I’m just letting you know your man cheats on you.
I did not know what to say, but my response was since when she said since forever. Then she hung up.

So I’m shaking after that call , I go and confront my husband and ask him why have I just received a call from a woman saying my man cheats on me.

His response wasn’t really what I expected, he’s denying he has done anything. Saying it could be anyone playing games.

We haven’t spoke since Friday and I quite frankly don’t know what to do, how would someone get my number even if he has cheated ?

What was his reaction? Not what did he say but how did he seem?

Do you have any reason to be suspicious other than this phonecall?

No no reason at all. Past few months we have been working hard. He doesn’t go out
Apart from his normal shifts does 1 overtime a week Other than that he’s at home.

He was angry. Basically blaming me for believing the person that rang.

Strange. I wouldn’t automatically believe a call like that. If they really wanted to inform you they could give you facts you could verify. As it is, it sounds like they didn’t even know his name if they just used ‘your man’. Could be a prank but a really nasty one.

Does your DH have opportunity to cheat? Has he displayed any other signs of cheating I.e. secretive with his phone, change in behaviour etc? Do you trust him? Has he been unfaithful previously?

I would have probably demanded access to his phone then and there and would have expected him to do what he needed to, to reassure me.

But if he didn’t it could be that he knows it’s nonsense so didn’t feel the need to entertain it. Did he seem shaken about it at all? Did he ask lots of questions about the call or did he dismiss it straight away?

If I had been accused of something I didn’t do I would want to get to the bottom of it.

Why was his reaction not expected?

Id have thought a denial would be the most common reaction whether he was or wasnt!!

He was saying it could have been one of his enemies, which is strange to me . As I’m unaware he has enemies. Surely to have enemies you have to of wronged people.

Has he not asked more questions and appeared genuinely miffed and surprised as you are?

Usually denying and then turning the blame around on you for understandably getting upset and getting angry is a sign of guilt… it feels a bit DARVO

'So I pick up and this woman says I’m just letting you know your man cheats on you.'

'Your man' sounds generic, like the caller didn't actually know your marital status which would lead me to believe this was a prank/nuisance call.

From who though? It was a real woman on the phone.

Did they just say “your man” - I wouldn’t take it seriously if they didn’t even say his name or give any details. It could be people messing and calling random numbers.

Not that you can go back now, but I think I eould have kept the information close to my chest and watch out for suspicious activity and get my ducks in a row to deal with a break if necessary.

Unless there is evidence….

Agree with this - if genuine they'd surely say "Dave is cheating on you" - and saying 'forever' also points to this as it avoids giving a timescale that wouldn't be possible.

I have always sort of thought with things like this you can tell from the reaction whether there is any truth to it. Only you know OP but I’d have a think about that.

If there is no other evidence or anything else to suggest that he is cheating, in isolation the phone call is meaningless.

Have you seen the extra income or proof of it from the 1 overtime shift?

At this point you've done all you can do by asking. You cant prove anything either way. Unless she calls back with proof or you find anything out, there's no point in dwelling on it (easier said than done I know).

So what if it was a real person who called. Sounds like someone trying to cause trouble. If they didn't even use your DH name, or say 'your husband', then it's far too generic. Unless you have any suspicions of him cheating beforehand it seems a bit of a reach to suspect him based on this one call. I'd be pissed too if my husband received a call like that and jumped to believing them straight away.

The only thing I might question him on is his use of the phrase 'my enemies'. Ask him how many he has and why he's made enemies of them.

That’s a really odd response. That alone would make me suspicious. Who has enemies?

I thought that too. Surely she would give his name. Not even 'your husband', 'your fiance' or 'your boyfriend' - but 'your man'? I mean, Irish people often refer to every adult male as 'your man'!

Also, did she even address you by name, OP - or ask to confirm it was who she expected who was speaking? It seems a very half-hearted way of communicating a message that she'd gone to the trouble of finding your number and contacting you about - and unnecessarily risky if she got the wrong number or, say, you had a teenage/adult DD who might have grabbed your phone and answered for you at your request whilst you were in the middle of something.

Obviously, it could be true; but there are a lot of nasty people out there who would find it 'funny' to prank somebody in this way - even somebody random. If it were a prank, saying 'your man' would be a very obvious and deliberate way of making it apply to as many potential victims as possible.

What enemies is he talking about? I’d want to know about this as it does sound an odd thing to say. But if there is no evidence then I wouldn’t be jumping to believe some random. It does sound extremely generic with no name or details. But I would expect ‘who the fuck would do that?’ not ‘my enemies’.

I think if wrongly accused you would try anything to settle to other persons mind, showing phone bill, messages to prove you’ve had no secrets, his reaction of being angry would make me suspicious , it’s no your fault someone else has put this upon you, of course you want to know the truth. Having one overtime per week is enough to cheat, he might not be working, can he show you payslips?

I don't think it can be real if they didn't use his name (or yours?)

I would be worried about his talk of enemies though!

I don't think his gettinng angry means much. I'd be angry.

She didn’t address me by my name. Or ask to speak to anyone.

All she said was I want to let you know your man cheats on you

There was no laughing in the background or nothing. She seemed serious.

But she did ring twice and didn’t say anything when she first rang so I put the phone down.

loads of stuff have gone through my head these past few days . Thinking it could be someone I know. I can’t get her voice out my head.