Is texting cheating??

[Mumofmabes]

12months ago I found out my partner of 1.5 years had been texting and ringing his ex for 12months behind my back. At the time I was 7months pregnant and forgave him.. but 12 months on and I can’t stop bringing it all up everytime we argue. I lt gets me so angry when I think about it. Would you class this as cheating? Or am I being unreasonable and just need to get over it like he says

What were the texts? I wouldn't count it as cheating if it's an old ex and general chat.

It was his most recent ex before me, they split up on bad terms. both said it was just general chit chat and checking up on each other (which annoyed me more) but I didn’t see any texts other than a screen shot which was asking how she was

Not cheating. I'm still friends with a couple of exes. We were better friends than we ever were partners. Some came to my wedding. One of them is my DW really good friend now too, tbh I think they get along better as friends than we ever did 😅

But would you hide the fact you was texting and ringing your exs to your partner? For me if you’re hiding it you don’t it’s not right. Also he always told me how toxic her and the whole relationship was lol

The fact he was hiding it would be the major red flag to me

If you’re doing something g involving another person that you deliberately hide from your partner then yes I count that as a form of cheating

That’s why in my eyes it’s cheating, he was sneaky, lied and hidden what he was doing and was caught out. But now I’m being made to feel like I’m over reacting

Hmm, the hiding it is strange, I wouldn't feel the need to say to my OH "I've been texting X, Y and Z do you want to check them". We don't really discuss things like that, but they're not a secret if that makes sense? I have no idea who she messages on her phone, I know she is in regular contact with some pals from work but I don't even know their names.

Was he just not mentioning it, or actually hiding it?
Are you the jealous type who would kick off even if nothing was going on? Or did he not tell you simply because he didn't see it as important?

If he's genuinely been hiding it on purpose, then yes, weird and suspicious x

Unless they have kids together and need to discuss some practical issues around that such texting is problematic. It shows that you nor his child with you were his priority. It does not matter whether it is his ex or any other woman, it is emotional cheating. I am sorry that this happened to you.
I would be livid and I would probably not be with this man any longer.
Especially the time you are expecting a baby together should be a wonderful time of closeness for a couple instead he was emotionally not present.
I presume you keep bringing it up because nothing in his behavior has shown you that he and your child are his priorities in his life. You cannot change him, you can just change your situation by stepping out of this relationship where you will always only get crumbs.

Is he generally sneaky? Do you trust him to share with you honestly?

But does your partner already know that you are friendly with exs?
I have never truly trusted him as I was warned about him, so I regularly checked his phone. And twice his exs number was open on what’s app but no messages, the first time I ignored it. The second time I confronted him, he downplayed it said he needed to ask her something. So I got in touch with her where she revealed he had been randomly texting and ringing when drunk for over 12 months pretending he didn’t mean it to start conversations. Then it was just random messages about football and how her and her child was doing. Yes I am jealous but also very insecure as I was pregnant too x

This whole relationship sounds toxic. You should not be going through his phone. This explains why he hasn't told you stuff. But he also sounds like he is going behind your back. It's not going to work when neither of you seem to trust or like eachother. Just call it a day.

Exactly. He called her rotten to me for months, said she was toxic, the relationship was a sham. But yet he kept feeling the need to get in touch with her and hide it from me. He also seems to think me being pregnant doesn’t make it worse

No I don’t trust him, especially after all this

It depends what they were saying. It could be an emotional affair if its very involved. Id probably consider it annoying but not cheating unless they were seeing each other.

I can only go off both their words, which makes it harder. It’s the whole hiding and deleting the messages I find hard to cope with. Like he wasn’t considering my feelings or what the stress of it all would do to me when pregnant

You're never going to be happy with this one OP, I really think you'd be better off without him.

Texting is cheating. But you accepted what he did when you forgave him.

By bringing up back up it means you didn't forgive him.

It's not cheating but it's lies and dishonesty and now the trust is broken in your relationship. Your feelings are totally valid.

This.

It could be there's still a bond, but the toxic levels pushed them apart or trying to clear the air and resolve some of the anger issues that might spill over in to your relationship.

Texting itself (as some others have said) isn't always cheating, but that is depending on what said. The fact that the messages have been deleted, as well as hiding the fact he was doing it, certainly flies a red flag in my book.

Definitely cheating, especially when it's a significant or recent ex because there would be a lot more emotions involved. And even if people don't see it as cheating, It's a huge betrayal, and made worse because you were pregnant.

I have never truly trusted him as I was warned about him, so I regularly checked his phone

So, why were you with him in the first place?

Anything a person feels the need to hide is cheating IMO.

Tbh I have occasionally chatted to exes, a couple of whom are in the same interest group from long ago. Nothing sinister, just friends, no threat at all. These were younger days though and not serious. Xx