Is texting cheating??

[Mumofmabes]

12months ago I found out my partner of 1.5 years had been texting and ringing his ex for 12months behind my back. At the time I was 7months pregnant and forgave him.. but 12 months on and I can’t stop bringing it all up everytime we argue. I lt gets me so angry when I think about it. Would you class this as cheating? Or am I being unreasonable and just need to get over it like he says

YANBU. I’d treat that particular scenario as cheating. Makes me think if he went on and on about the ex being horrible just so he could throw you off the scent as it were so if ever he did get caught you’d be naive enough to think it was harmless because he’s already told you ‘he can’t stand her’ 😐

I’d bet she’s not the toxic one. I bet she’s perfectly reasonable. Especially if you’d been warned about him. New gfs rarely listen to warnings. It’s always going to be different with them. Except it isn’t. Toxic men always say the exes are toxic/ crazy and it was the toxic, crazy behaviour caused the split. In reality, they are the cheats, liars and toxic. They project their faults onto others, because they cannot bear to be to blame. They have to be the victim.
They also cannot let go. They don’t like women but they need them. And feel ownership. Once owned, never forgotten. Even years later, they will get in touch.

It is possible to be civil to exes, but if it’s hidden, minimised, lied about, it’s as bad as cheating.

Why would an insecure person hitch their wagon to someone they were warned about? So he is drunk telephoning/ texting his supposed toxic ex. I suspect he’s the toxic one.

This is who he is and you either accept him or move the hell on, why are you subjecting yourself to this?

He has broken your trust by going behind your back. It will keep coming up in arguments, because he didn't reassure you or was not apologetic enough, to prove to you that he was really sorry and it would not happen again. If possible, you should sit with him and tell him that you want to put the issue to bed for once and for all, but to do that he has to tell her that he won't be communicating with her again, as it upsets you - if he's not willing to do this, then you are not a priority. You will not be happy or have a future with him if you can't trust him.

Hmm, difficult one. I'm friends with most of my exes, and I keep in contact with them. But everyone is open and honest about it, I don't think anyone thinks there's an agenda apart from we still like to be friends. If he's hiding something, that's along the lines of cheating for me, but maybe it depends on the context - is he hiding it because he thinks you would be worried about their chats? Is he wanting to stay friendly but concerned how you feel? Regardless it probably needs a discussion to establish boundaries.

Given your reaction OP, I can quite see why he hid them.

I would say it depends on the content and tone of the messages, but if it was just general chat I’d be absolutely fine with it and certainly wouldn’t class it as cheating.

Obviously it’s not ideal that he hasn’t been open about it with you, but that might just be because he thought you would over react.

My husband and I have been married for over 30 years. I am still in touch with a couple of ex boyfriends and he is still in touch with a couple of ex girlfriends (and an ex-wife). Neither of us routinely tells the other when we have contacted our ex-partners, but we do tell them about any interesting news. I’d have thought that was normal, rather than stopping all contact with someone you used to be very close to.

You need a different word, not cheating.

Cheating means infidelity. Texting can be cheating if it's the kind of texts that you would and should only be sharing with your partner.
Flirty, sexual, romantic, declarations of love, overly personal texts, those could be seen as cheating.

Texting casually back and forth is not cheating.
It is however inappropriate, especially when it's done in secret! It's a lack of transparency, it's boundary crossing behaviour, it's disrespectful to you as his partner. But still, not cheating.
You're very much entitled to feel upset and angry about it though.

However, can I also comment on the relationship as a whole. You got pregnant with someone you hardly knew, a few months into the relationship, and already at that point you were snooping on their phone due to lack of trust.
Maybe your judgement isn't the best either?

He's been a bit dishonest but you stayed with him, you either forgive and let it drop or end the relationship.

Yes it's cheating OP. If she was that fucking awful why has he been secretly texting her for a year? Why is he texting her at all when his pregnant partner should be his priority. I'm afraid he's lying on every level. She wasn't a monster after all and he wants to get back in her knickers. If he hasn't already.

No one else's opinion on this matters. Your actions and words here clearly show he crossed YOUR boundaries, just end it before you both end up doing it in 5 years time but full of more bitterness

Depends on context. Do they have children together?

Texting is cheating if the people have an intention to deceive their partners. If your DP was hiding it from you then what other conclusion can you draw.

checking in on an ex? Why does your DP care about their ex? If it's to discuss childcare then that's a different matter, it's for a specific purpose,

and it's all about trust. Neither my DH or I expend energy texting people we used to date to find out how they are. We have no motivation or desire to be in touch with those people, they are in the past, permanently.

you need to question your DPs motives. If you're pg, a feckless male will often see that as an opportunity to keep you where he wants you and play away. That is the stark reality of many men's attitudes to women, being pg can be a vulnerable time for a woman, sadly.

I wouldn't be concerned about DH texting his exes, but would be concerned about him hiding it.

You obviously don't trust him if you feel the need to check his phone. I wouldn't make a point of telling DH about everyone I text, but I also wouldn't delete messages to hide them from him.

We are not secretive with our phones, but I wouldn't look through DH's phone without him there and I would find it odd if he looked through his. If I ever use his phone for anything, for example if mine is on charge I wouldn't feel the need to start scrolling through his messages.

Texting is cheating. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Not cheating in itself. I have a couple of exes I'm friends with and so does my partner. It's the content that matters surely?