Finance disputes in pregnancy - help!

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Hi all. Just wanted some general advice and peoples thoughts please :)

I bought my own home in 2022 as a single woman. I met my partner and he moved in, we decided to split the bills and food (£500 a month each) but I didn’t charge him any rent.
He quite openly said anyway he would refuse to pay rent and move back in with his family if I was going to ask him for it.
However, i was never going to ask him for rent because he earns around about 40% less a month than me, and he wanted to save to put an investment in the house and come on board the mortgage at some point, which is something we are now in the process of finalising. I welcomed this and wanted to give him the opportunity to save as much as he could as my mortgage was financially quite draining since interest rates went up, and it made sense for our next stage in our relationship.

We are expecting our first baby in November and tonight we have had a disagreement regarding the finances surrounding what I deem our baby’s essentials.
We got some money from his family towards our travel system, and my family paid for our nursery furniture so we have managed to save quite abit of money with family being so generous. We split the rest of the cost of the travel system (around £400 each), and I have asked to halve a couple of shops I’ve done for baby essentials (crib, baby monitor, bulk buys of nappies/wipes etc) costing around £250 each.
I have paid for all the baby’s clothes plus more essentials, including my breastpump, baby’s carrier, baby books, toys, maternity clothes etc (costing in the region of about £650/700 to myself in total). He hasn’t bought anything for the baby himself without me ordering it and asking for some money (inclusive of the £250) Lots of things have been delivered for the baby and not once has he asked “did I help towards these things?”
I generally pay for afew more bits month to month for any extras for the house and routinely offer to pay for the occasional thing if he was running low on money that month.
Tonight I asked if he would be happy to pay half towards an Amazon shop for the last few bits of baby stuff (blankets, crib sheets, Moses basket sheets, white noise machine etc) which came to around £75-80 each. He said he wasn’t happy to be paying out £75 for more baby stuff when he had so many outgoings this month. He said “£75!!!!!! Each???!!??”
I don’t think he realises how much things cost for baby stuff but it’s not cheap.
I snapped and said “Well you shouldn’t have had a baby if you’re not prepared to contribute towards what they need” - which I realise now was pretty harsh.

But if I’m honest, I feel abit taken advantage of. Not even due to the money itself but more the expectation that it’s okay for me to pay for so much towards our baby without him offering or even saying thank you. He still doesn’t acknowledge or seem to understand how much I’ve actually spent solo on getting things.
I feel I have been very reasonable financially towards him since we met, whilst taking on extra burdens for myself ( I work 32hrs in one job, and have two self employed jobs on the side). I wanted him to feel financially stable and not panicked regarding his newly increased outgoings. I have offered to go back to one of my self employed jobs one day a week from when the baby is around 3-4months old to lessen the financial burden on us as my income is going to half on maternity leave.

Other than communication surrounding our baby’s finances though, our relationship is great. He is very loving and caring towards me, the bump and our dog. And generally day to day we don’t argue and have built a great team dynamic in every other aspect.

Question is:
Should I be worried regarding the lack of enthusiasm for wanting to pay towards his child’s essentials or extras? Or am I being unreasonable to expect him to pay for more stuff when he earns less than me when I knew that when we got together?

Im so tired and hormonal, and in very much need of some advice going forward as I don’t want it to be something that eventually comes between us.

Thank you :)

I think there is a difference between sitting down together and agreeing a budget for items and then splitting it or saying 'by the way I have bought something for the baby and you owe me £100'

Is he in agreement with what you are buying? Remember especially with clothes babies grow quickly and will pretty much live in baby grows for 6 months. If you haven't consulted him in what you are buying and why and he feels you are going mad with a credit card and billing him after then I can see why he is annoyed. As someone with two kids who are now teenagers- people will want to get you presents - things like perfect prep machines and nice outfits are ideal.

I agree with this. Setting a budget together and agreeing the priorities for spending it would be one thing. But it ends as if you are just spending on what you think is a priority, then asking him to cough up money for his share without any thought or impact to his budgeting for the month. Sit down with him and have a proper conversation with him on what else you both feel is important to buy, how much and when you will spend.

Exactly this 💯

I’m sorry OP. Unless you pull out of this relationship now, you are setting yourself up for years of misery.

DON'T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PUT HIM ON YOUR MORTGAGE, YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET IT"

Almost every person coming online this morning to give you advice has said the same thing.
You have been warned.
Best of luck with your baby💕

He quite openly said anyway he would refuse to pay rent and move back in with his family if I was going to ask him for it.

This is when you should have left him. The next best time is now.
You don't need the stress of going through maternity leave and raising children with a stingy, using fucker.

Why oh why as women do we continue to make such terrible choices?

Sorry but it's not ideal you have just bought a load of stuff yourself as you've set the precedent. We barely bought anything before baby arrived, you don't need most of it, and I was too paranoid to get more than necessary before baby here safe and well. Anyway, it's far more important you agree how you're going to split living costs whilst you are on maternity leave, as you'll be making the financial sacrifices. I would personally stop the process of letting him have any legal entitlement to your house.

Maybe he's thinking you're ordering too many unnecessary things for the baby? Perhaps discuss with him what you're about to purchase, if you're wanting him to contribute.

If he's on your mortgage and entitled to a good chunk of your house and you were to split next year you may be forced to sell. You could find it very difficult to get another good mortgage as a single parent on mat leave / working part time.

You could end up either tied to him, unable to leave due to finances or with a lump sum that isn't enough to buy somewhere that you would then have to spend on rent.

Please hold off adding him to the mortgage for a year or so, see how life is with him and a small baby and decide if he's bringing enough to the table to want to go all in with him.

OP if you haven’t put him on your mortgage, if it hasn’t been completed legally, put the brakes on it. Say you will reconsider in a year. See how things go with the baby and whether he steps up financially and practically.
it sounds to me like he’s seen you as a means to financially better himself and I would keep him on probation as a baby really puts a strain on even good relationships.

He’s doing great isn’t he, got you knocked up, sharing your wealth with him, place to live you can’t thrown him out of, you going back to work early to meet the gap. Very nice.

how a man is about money is who he is. There’s no such thing as a generous caring man who’s just tight with money. There are cocklodgers and non cocklodgers.

Firstly throw him out. Get him off your mortgage. Give the baby your name. Put in for appropriate child support.

He can moved with his parents now, before he is in the deeds.

I my opinion, he already told you several times very loudly that he is there to take advantage of your bigger salary.
Either you make an agreement now when each one put on a pot a proportional sum to cover all the expenses, or he should be out your life before you are on maternity leave and he will be still moaning about money.

OP this all sounds very stressful and not something you need when you're pregnant. Tbh he's shown you consistently that he's stingy and selfish. You just need to decide if having him around is worth paying more for everything for the rest of your relationship. You might be alright with that if he contributes in other ways, but it will likely continue to wear on you as it clearly already has.

Please don't add him to your house. You'll need the security of having your own place when you get sick of his miserly ways.