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Original poster

Sex post-childbirth - need help from gurus [sad]

33 replies

3rdwiseman · 04/06/2008 11:10

(not a troll, I know all about cod, the bat, soapy's christmas appeal, the grapes, the tablecloth, the macaroons, the cube of poo etc)

First child is now past 6 months and the sleep situation is improving to the point that regular sex (rather than hasty blowjobs etc) is a possibility.

However, not to put too finer point upon it, the midwife appears to have put in one stitch too many. I'm too tight .

Even after three glasses of wine, extensive foreplay and extra lubrication sex is bloody painful, and not just at the moment of penetration but for the whole time.
I am starting to find myself avoiding sex, which is crap because I want it and so does DH and we now actually have the opportunity.

Hints and tips?
Is it just practice?

(I am seriously hacked off with the MW - bet she thought she was being helpful )

OP posts:
Hassled · 04/06/2008 11:13

Go and see your GP - whatever woman is in the GPs' practice if you're happier with that - and get them to check everything actually is how it should be. They only stitch up the bits that have actually torn, not random other bits, so I'm not convinced by your MW extra stitch theory. Unless she was particularly incompetent.

LittleMyDancing · 04/06/2008 11:17

It might take a while to feel 'normal' again - I had a CS and it still felt like everyhing had been rearranged in there and started off being quite painful. took a lot longer to get ready and up to speed, iyswim, but it has got much better over time. think practice is part of it!

but your GP will check things are ok if you ask them.

HTH

Original poster
3rdwiseman · 04/06/2008 11:18

at 6wk check everything was pronounced absolutely fine

have been swabbed for suspected infection (was clear) since then, also pronounced fine

I had a tear and the MW said size-wize it was on the very edge of what they'd normally stitch and would I like it done. I (in obv postbirth distracted state) said 'Oh go on then'...

OP posts:
Hassled · 04/06/2008 11:20

Is it possible it's psychological? Are you tensing up because you're worried it might hurt, thus making it a self-fulfilling prophesy? The's a word for this condition which I can't remember - anyone know?

Original poster
3rdwiseman · 04/06/2008 11:22

I don't think so, Hassled - it's, well, size specific

OP posts:
LindenAvery · 04/06/2008 11:34

3rd you still need to get this checked after this time to rule out other reasons for pain during sex.

Have you tried different positions such as 'spoons' or 'side-by side' which limit penetration? Maybe not focus on intercourse as much?

Pain and discomfort can continue in this area for months even though the tissues have outwardly healed. Sounds like you are doing all the right things so understand why it is frustrating - and now worrying about it could make further attempts uncomfortable/painful. PANTS!

Important thing is to keep talking to your OH, it just may take you both a little longer to resume this part of sex, so if you now have time explore other things maybe.

soapbox · 04/06/2008 11:39

You should go and discuss this with your GP - it may need to be re-stitched.

I had a tugging stitch after my DD which was painful but not excruciatingly so! I was considering having it re-stitched when I becama pregnant with DS so never bothered. The sewing up job after DS sorted it all out and have never had a problem since!

The thought of being cut and restitched is a bit off-putting I know - but well worth it, I think

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 04/06/2008 11:43

Are you breast feeding? This can cause you to be a bit dryer than normal, which could explain the problems you are having.

Original poster
3rdwiseman · 04/06/2008 11:51

Dryness not a problem.
Limited-penetration positions don't help at all - it's the very entrance that's sore, not inside.
Limited-movement positions are more to the point but difficult to find satisfying ones.

Are there anti-pelvic floor exercises or something I can do?

OP posts:
MrsTittleMouse · 04/06/2008 11:54

I've had lots of scar problems post-birth. I was told by my gynae that my "capacity" was on the small side post-birth and she gave me some dilators (basically graded sized dildos) that I used to gradually increase my capacity. They were very useful - not just because they helped stretch the area, but also because it was useful to practise having something inside me outside of the heat of sex itself, if you see what I mean.
The other possibility is to have the area restitched but not so tight.

Libra1975 · 04/06/2008 11:59

Are you sure your DH hasn't been using those pills so regular advertised if you have any sort of email account

It sounds like you have started down the right route with extensive foreplay and extra lubrication but for peace of mind it's probably worth going to a GP.

Mumsnut · 04/06/2008 12:03

Ask him to check for signs of Lichen Sclerosis, cos that can cause narrowing of the entrance to the vagina. Not common, but also usually overlooked by GPs.

chuggabopps · 04/06/2008 12:11

mumsnut- do you have any advice for anyone who has that? or recommend any sites to look at for treatment. The e45 type cream i have seems better than nothing but isn't curing it.

Original poster
3rdwiseman · 04/06/2008 12:15

have just read up on lichen sclerosus - have no matching symptoms but thanks for the idea

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 04/06/2008 12:16

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OhNooo · 04/06/2008 12:21

3rdwiseman, I had the exact same problem after having DD. I was really dry and felt much smaller and it hurt a lot during sex.
I did go and see my GP who said all is OK down there but that it could take a long time for sex to be the same as it was before DD. It probably didn't help that I tensed up before penetration like a previous poster said. It did take trail and error and took me about a year and a half before I really started enjoying sex again.

HTH

sarah293 · 04/06/2008 12:28

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hadthat2 · 04/06/2008 12:38

Same here. 6-7 mths, sex impossible. Thought something v wrong/way too tight. 7mths started period - sex (and reg tampon - TMI?!) out of the question. 8mths - bit better. 9mths - back to normal! Really was that quick! Still bf but think weaning and starting period seemed to fix it. Don't know why - hormones? HTH

MrsTittleMouse · 04/06/2008 12:46

riven - The stretchy things were given to me by the gynae from her desk drawer. I don't know if you can get them direct. It would make sense - after all they are very low tech and it would be difficult to injure yourself with them. The name is "FEMMAX Dilators" from a company called MDTi.
I have had the same issues as you in that I don't have the typical problems after my epi - I didn't get infected and I don't have a ring of scar tissue around my vagina for a simple restitching. I've just healed really really badly. So I think that most doctors just didn't know what to do with me. I'm going back to see her (the gynae) soon to discuss my future childbirth (I'm due in October), so I'll be quizzing her again on other treatment.

DitavonTeese · 04/06/2008 23:28

3rd Wiseman, I had exactly the same thing as you - following 3rd degree tear. My prob was that too much scar tissue built up around the stitches near the vaginal entrance, meaning my DH basically couldn't get in (scar tissue is pretty inflexible).

A few weeks ago I had what's called a Fenton's Procedure - basically a quick op under general anaesth to remove the scar tissue. Still sensitive down below and haven't tried sex yet but have managed a play with a small vibrator - amazed I could get anything more than a super tampon up there. Really pleased about the op.

If I were you I'd contact your GP or the hospital direct. Good luck.

NotQuiteCockney · 05/06/2008 08:48

There are a range of possible explanations here, and it may be that several of these explanations are right:

  1. You may have been sewn up too tight
  2. You may have dryness issues w/ breastfeeding etc
  3. You may be tight from underuse
  4. You may be tensing up.

The first one is the only one that requires medical intervention, so maybe it's best to assume it's the other 3 and see what you can do.

So ... I'd recommend lots of foreplay, lots of play. Find ways that you and your DH can have fun without penetration. Only do penetration that feels good - one finger?

Use lube, and just enjoy yourselves, and see where it gets you.

6 months is very early days, and you're doing well to want to have sex, it's a pity your body isn't quite there right yet.

Original poster
3rdwiseman · 05/06/2008 09:17

you can get tight from underuse?

It does make sense though - when I wrote the OP I was trying to think about how to describe the pain / tightness and the closest I came was how it felt THE first time.
I suppose this is the longest break I've had from sex since I started having it - it's no surprise my bits are out of practice...

OP posts:
JoDivine · 05/06/2008 10:19

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woodstock3 · 07/06/2008 22:18

i had a cs and was therefore expecting sex to be exactly the same as it was before dc and it was blardy AGONY -significantly worse than losing my virginity. initially i too blamed being out of practice but a bit more, ahem, practice didnt help.
then i stopped bfeeding and all was normal once again. it wasnt dryness - i was told that in some women bfing hormones does something (forget what now) to your membranes that essentially makes the surface of your vagina more raw and sensitive. worth considering anyway

chipmonkey · 08/06/2008 01:39

My dsis had this problem. she actually put up with the pain until one night, she was having sex with her dp when she felt something "pop" After that, all was fine! She felt that she had been stitched too tightly and that she was just lucky that a DIY "unstitching" worked.