Genuinely hate my partner.

[VioletSkies89]

So I've finally come to the realisation that I absolutely hate my partner.
He's just a really horrible person, classic narcissist. I'm currently a stay at home mum, actively looking for work as my youngest has just turned 1 and I guess the straw that broke the camels back was when he asked me to pay half towards the food shopping today knowing full well I dont have it. I didnt even ask him to pick up anything just a jar of coffee, so I told him ill pay him a fiver for that.

Baffling.

Deep breath and know that you are going to be ok. Its a scary path but you have already realised the worst part of it xx

@Robertplantgoddess he's the nicest person until he's behind closed doors, then he's just a dickhead. Especially when he doesnt get his own way which seems to be the case tonight.

You summed it up with narcissist. Often overused but not here I reckon. He may be the nicest person until behind closed doors but you spend most of your life behind closed doors (as we all do to different degrees). He is allowing him to be himself when he doesn't have to pretend otherwise basically x

@Robertplantgoddess exactly that, because he knows full well his behaviour is unacceptable else he would act like it all the time. I'm pretty sure he just hates women tbh... xx

What are you going to do?

OP, you must be having a tough time. I have been in your shoes too. Women's Aid really helped me. Have you been in touch with them?

@DorothyStorm
At the moment there isn't much I can do, I have asked him to move out as he can afford to, but him refusing to is just another way of him having control. Once I am working ill be in a better financial position to leave with the children. So im currently getting all my ducks in a row.

Why did you have his child then

Ignore Hairycherry, whose mission appears to be needling people.

You again? Did you get bored of blaming a rape victim on the other thread?

If there is financial or emotional abuse or coercive control you could leave via a refuge.

Is child benefit in your name? If you are living separately within the same house (you do nothing for him such as laundry, don’t share food), you can claim UC as a single parent.

Sounds like my first husband. Start making preparations to end this OP.

Jumping in here. I had a child with my first husband. Did not know at that point what he was really like. Clever these narcissistic aholes. Do not take any notice of these kind of baiting comments OP. Always so easy for people to throw these in without caring what harm their judgmental remarks cause. And this is in response to the poster who asked why did you have a child with him then, not the one who rightly called them out on it above

Arm yourself with advice too OP. I'm an adviser by profession. "What if" benefit checks can be done and signposting to legal and support services is available

It took a full 4 years of going out together, a year of engagement, a house purchase and a year of marriage (by which time I was pregnant) to realise what a twat I’d got myself involved in.

With the benefit of hindsight (and a lot of information online) it took me a while to understand what I’d taken on. (24 years actually…)

You’ve been given some good advice here op. Please get your ducks lined up and DON’T let on to him what you’re planning on doing.

Imagine having nothing better to do than hang around on mumsnet making gormless comments, its a good job its an anonymous forum because how embarrassing for you!

What a fucking stupid and pointless post.
Men like the op's H dont start a relationship.with a disclaimer that they are an abusive arsehole. They hide their true nature typically until the woman is trapped by children.
Boiled frog .

Are you married OP? I agree with seeking advice if he is financially abusive. Citizens advice, free half hour with solicitor and women’s aid may be able to help. There is legal aid available in some domestic abuse cases if you think that is relevant here. Hope you are ok x

@RandomMessyes the child benefit is in my name, I wasn't aware that I could potentially claim UC actually as we have been living separately for quite a while. His behaviour has given me the ick so we've effectively been living separately for quite some time.

@WideOpenBeachesthank you, im going to contact WA on monday when he's at work and start making an exit plan for me and the children.

Is he struggling with paying for everything while you’re a sahm?

Just realised you aren’t even living together. So how do you afford to live as things are? Do you even need to stay in this relationship for now?

You may have to argue your case with UC but you can state that you are liaising with WA to physically leave safely but you live entirely separate lives under the same roof.

I think it is separate but in the same home

They are living together, I’ve no idea why you think they aren’t.