Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Genuinely hate my partner.

30 replies

VioletSkies89 · 04/10/2025 00:23

So I've finally come to the realisation that I absolutely hate my partner.
He's just a really horrible person, classic narcissist. I'm currently a stay at home mum, actively looking for work as my youngest has just turned 1 and I guess the straw that broke the camels back was when he asked me to pay half towards the food shopping today knowing full well I dont have it. I didnt even ask him to pick up anything just a jar of coffee, so I told him ill pay him a fiver for that.

Baffling.

OP posts:
Robertplantgoddess · 04/10/2025 00:26

Deep breath and know that you are going to be ok. Its a scary path but you have already realised the worst part of it xx

Original poster
VioletSkies89 · 04/10/2025 00:29

@Robertplantgoddess he's the nicest person until he's behind closed doors, then he's just a dickhead. Especially when he doesnt get his own way which seems to be the case tonight.

OP posts:
Robertplantgoddess · 04/10/2025 00:33

You summed it up with narcissist. Often overused but not here I reckon. He may be the nicest person until behind closed doors but you spend most of your life behind closed doors (as we all do to different degrees). He is allowing him to be himself when he doesn't have to pretend otherwise basically x

Original poster
VioletSkies89 · 04/10/2025 01:06

@Robertplantgoddess exactly that, because he knows full well his behaviour is unacceptable else he would act like it all the time. I'm pretty sure he just hates women tbh... xx

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 04/10/2025 01:31

VioletSkies89 · 04/10/2025 01:06

@Robertplantgoddess exactly that, because he knows full well his behaviour is unacceptable else he would act like it all the time. I'm pretty sure he just hates women tbh... xx

What are you going to do?

dizzydizzydizzy · 04/10/2025 01:40

OP, you must be having a tough time. I have been in your shoes too. Women's Aid really helped me. Have you been in touch with them?

Original poster
VioletSkies89 · 04/10/2025 01:43

@DorothyStorm
At the moment there isn't much I can do, I have asked him to move out as he can afford to, but him refusing to is just another way of him having control. Once I am working ill be in a better financial position to leave with the children. So im currently getting all my ducks in a row.

OP posts:
Hairycherry · 04/10/2025 05:20

Why did you have his child then

Rightsraptor · 04/10/2025 06:18

Ignore Hairycherry, whose mission appears to be needling people.

thepariscrimefiles · 04/10/2025 06:48

Hairycherry · 04/10/2025 05:20

Why did you have his child then

You again? Did you get bored of blaming a rape victim on the other thread?

RandomMess · 04/10/2025 07:09

If there is financial or emotional abuse or coercive control you could leave via a refuge.

Is child benefit in your name? If you are living separately within the same house (you do nothing for him such as laundry, don’t share food), you can claim UC as a single parent.

Catsknowbest · 04/10/2025 07:14

VioletSkies89 · 04/10/2025 00:29

@Robertplantgoddess he's the nicest person until he's behind closed doors, then he's just a dickhead. Especially when he doesnt get his own way which seems to be the case tonight.

Sounds like my first husband. Start making preparations to end this OP.

Catsknowbest · 04/10/2025 07:17

thepariscrimefiles · 04/10/2025 06:48

You again? Did you get bored of blaming a rape victim on the other thread?

Show quote history

Jumping in here. I had a child with my first husband. Did not know at that point what he was really like. Clever these narcissistic aholes. Do not take any notice of these kind of baiting comments OP. Always so easy for people to throw these in without caring what harm their judgmental remarks cause. And this is in response to the poster who asked why did you have a child with him then, not the one who rightly called them out on it above

Catsknowbest · 04/10/2025 07:19

VioletSkies89 · 04/10/2025 01:43

@DorothyStorm
At the moment there isn't much I can do, I have asked him to move out as he can afford to, but him refusing to is just another way of him having control. Once I am working ill be in a better financial position to leave with the children. So im currently getting all my ducks in a row.

Arm yourself with advice too OP. I'm an adviser by profession. "What if" benefit checks can be done and signposting to legal and support services is available

WideOpenBeaches · 04/10/2025 07:29

It took a full 4 years of going out together, a year of engagement, a house purchase and a year of marriage (by which time I was pregnant) to realise what a twat I’d got myself involved in.

With the benefit of hindsight (and a lot of information online) it took me a while to understand what I’d taken on. (24 years actually…)

You’ve been given some good advice here op. Please get your ducks lined up and DON’T let on to him what you’re planning on doing.

mickandrorty · 04/10/2025 07:30

Hairycherry · 04/10/2025 05:20

Why did you have his child then

Imagine having nothing better to do than hang around on mumsnet making gormless comments, its a good job its an anonymous forum because how embarrassing for you!

FamilyPhoto · 04/10/2025 07:37

Hairycherry · 04/10/2025 05:20

Why did you have his child then

What a fucking stupid and pointless post.
Men like the op's H dont start a relationship.with a disclaimer that they are an abusive arsehole. They hide their true nature typically until the woman is trapped by children.
Boiled frog .

Mumlaplomb · 04/10/2025 08:54

Are you married OP? I agree with seeking advice if he is financially abusive. Citizens advice, free half hour with solicitor and women’s aid may be able to help. There is legal aid available in some domestic abuse cases if you think that is relevant here. Hope you are ok x

Original poster
VioletSkies89 · 04/10/2025 09:05

@RandomMessyes the child benefit is in my name, I wasn't aware that I could potentially claim UC actually as we have been living separately for quite a while. His behaviour has given me the ick so we've effectively been living separately for quite some time.

OP posts:
Original poster
VioletSkies89 · 04/10/2025 09:09

@WideOpenBeachesthank you, im going to contact WA on monday when he's at work and start making an exit plan for me and the children.

OP posts:
PumpkinSeasonOctober · 04/10/2025 09:10

Is he struggling with paying for everything while you’re a sahm?

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 04/10/2025 09:13

Just realised you aren’t even living together. So how do you afford to live as things are? Do you even need to stay in this relationship for now?

RandomMess · 04/10/2025 09:22

You may have to argue your case with UC but you can state that you are liaising with WA to physically leave safely but you live entirely separate lives under the same roof.

Fantomflangeflinger · 04/10/2025 09:25

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 04/10/2025 09:13

Just realised you aren’t even living together. So how do you afford to live as things are? Do you even need to stay in this relationship for now?

I think it is separate but in the same home

Berlinlover · 04/10/2025 09:26

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 04/10/2025 09:13

Just realised you aren’t even living together. So how do you afford to live as things are? Do you even need to stay in this relationship for now?

They are living together, I’ve no idea why you think they aren’t.