how to tell step sister to go to hell

[AuntieMeemz]

Stepsister has lived with my stepfather, abroad for 20+ years. She hasn't worked for even longer. She has lived off stepfather even before she moved out to live with him.
Stepfather has become ill and step sister is demanding i go over there and 'step up, even for a few days'. Mainly based on the fact that step father helped bring me up, and iv'e been keeping him company by email for several years, and i'd be selfish and ruthless if i don't go. .

The journey would entail an hour long drive to get to the house, which scares me as step sister has a drink problem,and is probably an alcoholic.

I'm the kind of person that always would help others, and often get pushed into things i don't want. I really feel that none of them has done anything for me, and if anything good is to be had, i would absolutely be last in the line! However, I really cannot think of a kind way to say 'no'. Would appreciate some ideas.

so they live in a different country? Just say no… I can’t do that. what she gonna do? Come and find you and drag you there by your ear?!

Give reasons if you want…money…time etc or give none you don’t owe them anything.

Just say no - you can’t travel, can’t afford the flights, whatever. You’ll find an excuse. As pp said she isn’t going to be coming across to drag you over there.

sorry I don’t have that depth of relationship with your father

If she lives with him, why can’t she help him? Isn’t that the point of her having a free
life with him and not working. Plus is she his bio daughter ? Where is your own mother?

I'd just ignore her pleadings. Send a nice parcel of goodies to stepfather with a letter instead to let him know you're thinking of him.

You do not owe them anything, not blood related. Just tell her she can now repay him by taking care of him.

Well when someone gets very infirm it takes more than one person to care for them and she deserves a break as much as anyone

does not make op responsible though

Or no sorry that doesn’t work for me

Just don’t reply at all.

What’s your relationship with your stepfather like? You email him but you also say that none of them have done anything for you.

So he brought you up. He’s only an hour’s drive away. Don’t you want to see him? If you don’t then obviously you shouldn’t-but it’s nothing to do with your step sister.

They live abroad, I think the hour was the journey from the airport.

It's hard to work out what the actual journey time would be.

If he'd helped bring me up, I think I would probably try to do a bit of helping. Take your point about the potentially unsafe drive, though.

I dont understand. He helped bring you up, you keep in regular contact, but you dont want to see him now he's ill?

Dont see what difference it makes that the SS doesnt work and lives with him?

Thank you all so much for your replies, it's really helped. The hour journey is from the airport. It would basically take me awhole day to get there.
I don't feel i really owe stepfather anything, i was always very much last in line! He did of course, an awful lot more for his own children. I've always had the sneaking suspicion that with me, he is out for what he can get.
i had always said i would email and chat with them on the phone, but not do any favours. I think it is time for step sister to return the favout to stepfather.
I will do as suggested, send a nice parcel and say as mentioned by childofthe607080s.
Thank you all again for all your help, much appreciated.

The phrase “I don’t think so” works very well for this.

I wouldn’t reply, just ignore her. I am a heartless bastard now though.

Just say no

HelpMeGetThrough- sometimes we need to be! When step sister demanded i step up, wish I'd said 'no, you need to step up, you have lived off stepfather for years'.

"hey stepsister, go to hell"

HTH

too true. Probably easy to get the furious response now and get it over with.

Assuming your mum isn't around, and sounding like a mercenary bitch, is there any inheritance at play?

Tillow4ever · a good phrase I will keep in mind.

Ohmygodthepain- I had thought that step sister could have the house when the time comes. TBH with her drink and drug problems, I'd rather she have my share and stay where she is! In the past when their family members have died, I have not benefitted, so i'm only counted as family when it suits them.

So SS gets your mother’s share of the estate too or have you already inherited from her? Is your own mother alive?

AuntieMeemz all you have to say is: you have other much more important responsibilities of your own that you attend to 24/7.
Never bother attempting to add details or explanations, that’s where getting confused can start for me.