Odd comment

[Isafahan]

I've been seeing someone for the past 6 months. We have really good fun together, good laughs, he's kind, warm, helpful and we have good physical chemistry.

He is divorced, it was over 5 years ago, separated for a lot longer before and I know he was the main breadwinner and they went through some hard times as they had five children. Now he's in a good position financially, his children are all grown up and in their twenties etc. etc. I am fairly secure myself, which I am so grateful for and I never forget how lucky I am. I'm not incredibly financially well-off, but am always generous towards him when we go out and if I see something I think he would like, small gifts and food, I will treat him.

The other night he made a really odd comment. I've noticed he thinks aloud almost and since coming off an anti-depressant, seems unable to even contain his thought processes. We were talking about finances and the cost of living and he said "You cost me around 5k a year. I've worked it out!"

I was really taken aback. It made me laugh but also made me a bit annoyed if I'm being entirely honest. I took the mickey out of him for saying it and now he says he regrets even bringing it up. He "only did it because at one point in his life he really struggled".

I doubt I even cost him that much. I like going out for the odd meal and can drink a bit on and off, but I'm not always asking to go out. It's not even once every couple of weeks.

What do you all think? The fact he has taken time to calculate the cost of me as his girlfriend has now made me see him as rather mercenary.

You've made the right decision. I am probably a bit too generous for my own good, which is another reason why I dislike meanness. But this idea that you have cost him almost £1,000 a month in the space of your dating relationship is insane. You've dodged a bullet there for sure and that reference to your inheritance.... highly dubious. Honestly, onwards and upwards my lovely.

Sounds a right charmer(!)

You've only been seeing him for 6 months, this should be the best time of your relationship. It's never going to be better than now - if he's talking this way now, imagine how he's going to be in 6 years.

Good decision to throw him back. There are plenty of men out there who will appreciate you for who you are & treat you tons better.

Good luck. 😘

sorry a bit off topic but I bet he is a a Taurus! They are notoriously tight in my experience

"only partially joking". Also that I have misunderstood him. I am the one with the problem.

Again well done you for getting rid of this person. He sounds like a very nasty, potentially abusive person & you've dodged a bullet.

Remember this when he <inevitably> tries to come crawling back claiming that he was only <partially> or maybe even totally joking whatever that is meant to mean.

That’s killed any romance hasnt it. Once you start calculating who’s paid for what that’s a bit offputting.

I think your friend might be right

Thank goodness you ended it

Jeez this will get worse. Run

That is the most sweeping generalisation I have seen today on mumsnet :) I am an extravagant Taurean

Your friend was right- well done for ending it.
Is too stressful dealing with someone like that.
Recently had a discussion with my boyfriend about couples we know and their attributed to money. We have never discussed our own finances, but it is obvious that neither of us wants to be paying less than the other, and we do fairly modest stuff. I am probably on paper s lot wealthier than him, but we just take it in turns to pay for things so neither feels like they are tsking advantage of the other.

I know you ended it but I would have hung around to see exactly when he would start asking to move in with you, then I would laugh in his face and say, no bloody way mate. Just to see his reaction.

Scarper pretty sharpish and thank your lucky stars you had this warnig

From part of your response 'Time to be less generous and next time I see him and he suggests a meal at his favourite restaurant, I shall politely decline!'
I'd be less than polite I'd say 'No we are not eating there because I don't want to be adding to that massive debt I seem to be somehow accruing with you'

Ugh, he’s tight and frankly a bit weird - what a turn off. You have defo done the right thing op.

Life’s too short to time people in the shower. That’s so controlling.

I did wonder.

Horrendous. He's the one wasting water by leaving a sprinkler running too long in his garden... the irony...

Also, anyone who is disrespectful about the mother of their children can go in the 🗑️

I was going to ask for all my gifts back. I've given him around £200 of clothes. My Dad passed away and there was a lot of brand new stuff that he never wore, which I was planning on donating to a hospice charity.... then whenever I saw something I knew he would love, a shirt, jumper, or some nice socks, I would treat him. I got the impression initially that nobody had been kind or generous towards him. He kept going on about how I am such a warm person.... ha! Now he's seen the other side of me.

Obviously I won't ask him to return the clothes. He offered to return a bottle of spirits I bought the other day and I told him nope, give it to someone else. I don't want to see hair nor hide of him again.

Word!

At the same time though, he was wistful about her. She probably sent him packing for being a mean spirited bloody miser!

Not a Taurean, Pisces actually. Makes zero difference though.

Mind you, I did date one ages ago who seemed to have a problem with me using too much Radox!

Well done for getting out. He was clearly assessing your future worth!

She probably did. I’m not extravagant about spending but misers are red flags 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩

@UpDownAllAround1 am glad your not like the ones I met x lol

So he either spent £5k or didn't....but you spent a lot more than he has...in 6 months...maybe it's time to share bank statements and credit card bills for clarity....

Oh no we're not!