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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you feel...

33 replies

searching123 · 30/09/2025 16:03

If you and your partner were at dinner in a restaurant and you started having an argument, and your partner said, ‘You’re embarrassing me,’ how would you feel?

OP posts:
Greentopping · 30/09/2025 16:07

That i should keep it for later as it's not ok to ruin other peoples' enjoyment of their meal.

Dudgeon · 30/09/2025 16:07

I think a lot more contextual information is necessary. How loud was this argument? Were you disturbing other diners? Was he trying to be quiet and you were shouting?

BettyTurpinPies · 30/09/2025 16:07

Why were you arguing?

StrawberryWater · 30/09/2025 16:07

What was the argument about
Who started it
How loud was it

etc, etc

ainsleysanob · 30/09/2025 16:07

Depends if I was embarrassing him.

WatchingTheDetective · 30/09/2025 16:07

It depends. Were you embarrassing him or was he using that as a weapon?

rainbowstardrops · 30/09/2025 16:08

Greentopping · 30/09/2025 16:07

That i should keep it for later as it's not ok to ruin other peoples' enjoyment of their meal.

This

nosleepforme · 30/09/2025 16:10

Mad. It takes two to have an argument. If he’s so embarrassed, he can enjoy dinner and fight after. Don’t just dump it all on you!

Ariela · 30/09/2025 16:11

We don't really argue so I couldn't say, but I wouldn't want to ruin enjoyment of a meal out

ainsleysanob · 30/09/2025 16:12

nosleepforme · 30/09/2025 16:10

Mad. It takes two to have an argument. If he’s so embarrassed, he can enjoy dinner and fight after. Don’t just dump it all on you!

No, she says she started the argument.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 30/09/2025 16:12

I'd certainly feel fairly embarrassed if my partner started having an argument with me in public. We save that stuff for home on the rare occasions it happens.

MyAcornWood · 30/09/2025 16:14

Well, I’d probably think that was fair enough. Pretty embarrassing to be having a full blown argument in public.

nosleepforme · 30/09/2025 16:17

ainsleysanob · 30/09/2025 16:12

No, she says she started the argument.

Show quote history

Ah. Then no. Drop it. immediately

Original poster
searching123 · 30/09/2025 16:23

Ah no I didn't start the argument.. the argument started as we were discussing me going back to work after having being a stay at home mum for 2 years.. how he doesn't think me going back to work is cost effective... then it went on to him asking 'what do you do for me? You don't do anything for me...' I started getting upset ./ we were both arguing and then he said 'you're embarrassing me'...

OP posts:
Meandmyguy · 30/09/2025 16:25

Regardless of what the argument was about, there's a time and a place.

Upsetbetty · 30/09/2025 16:25

Who started the conversation @searching123?

UpDownAllAround1 · 30/09/2025 16:26

deleted

UpDownAllAround1 · 30/09/2025 16:30

wouldn’t have been pleasant to witness in a restuarant. Save it till in private and talk rationally about reasons for and against going back to work with him. That said, I think this is a drip feed

Firefly100 · 30/09/2025 16:36

If I were getting upset and he said ‘you are embarrassing me’ I would probably just leave the restaurant and let him finish his meal alone. However it is very much context dependent and if we were both shouting and he said ‘what do you do for me’ within the context of me being a stay at home partner who does everything, I think I would have been so angry I would really have embarrassed him. So, it depends. Certainly whatever I had been doing for him would stop immediately until I got some recognition for it!

ginasevern · 30/09/2025 16:40

You were both being embarrassing. Arguing in public is crass. I'm sure the other diners' didn't sign up to hear your about your personal traumas. Save it for when you're home. I expect a lot of posters will say I'm old fashioned, but so be it.

DarkTreesWhisper · 30/09/2025 17:00

Well it never looks good for the man if the woman he is having a meal with is upset and crying. The second the conversation turned from a general chat into a more personal attack you both should have left it for later.

Clearly you returning to work is something you disagree on and I bet my last pound that it is actually about him having to start doing housework again as I am assuming you do everything house related. Working isn't just about economical benefit but a whole host of other reasons which he is failing to see for you.

Original poster
searching123 · 30/09/2025 17:51

Thankyou everyone for your responses.. you're right it's totally unacceptable to argue in a restaurant... it's rude and embarrassing.

..It was my fault.. we were having a nice time and were both relaxed so I saw an opportunity to discuss an important topic while we're both relaxed.. I was wrong...

You are all right and thank you for your feedback..Next time something similar happens I will nip it in the

OP posts:
nosleepforme · 30/09/2025 18:12

searching123 · 30/09/2025 17:51

Thankyou everyone for your responses.. you're right it's totally unacceptable to argue in a restaurant... it's rude and embarrassing.

..It was my fault.. we were having a nice time and were both relaxed so I saw an opportunity to discuss an important topic while we're both relaxed.. I was wrong...

You are all right and thank you for your feedback..Next time something similar happens I will nip it in the

Sending hugs. Must’ve felt horrid for you

outerspacepotato · 30/09/2025 18:34

If he's saying you going back to work isn't cost effective, he means he doesn't want to do any of the work you've been doing and you need to go back to work ASAP if he's got that attitude.

You're also missing out on developing your work history instead of having a giant years long gap that will make you less employable the longer it goes on and pension.

Fuck dinner, you've got bigger problems.

Blanca87 · 30/09/2025 19:26

He is trying to keep at home as it benefits him and then silence you.