Stuck thinking about someone

[moonlight67]

I saw a guy on a dating site and I sent him a message, but he hasn’t been online for several days. (8 days) I keep checking every hour to see if he’s active, and ever since I saw him, I can’t stop thinking about him. Honestly, it feels like my mind is completely stuck on him, and I can’t focus on anything else.

I’m even worried that maybe something happened to him, or that he met another girl. Thinking about this makes me feel upset and restless.

I really don’t know if I should wait patiently or try to move on. Has anyone been in a situation like this before? How did you handle it?

Is it normal to feel this way? Because I truly feel like I already love him, and I’m scared he might never come back online again.

Any advice, tips, or personal experiences would mean a lot.

Thank you 🌸

You’re way too invested in this guy given you’ve never even met him. Have you dated much online before? Even if you manage to match with someone you like, in my experience most of the time any chat will go nowhere and even if you do meet in real life, most of the time there won’t be any chemistry. There could be loads of reasons he’s not been online too - taking a break from it, interested in someone else, busy with life… Move on from it and if he happens to come back at some point then it’ll be a bonus.

First answer nails it.

Sorry to be brutal but you don’t sound tough enough for online dating. That’s a good thing. Get off the dating apps and go and meet people in real life - volunteer, go on singles holidays like Exodus or Explore, do fun things in your local place.

Did you even speak to him?
no this is not normal at all

What they said.
Plus the photo could be 10 years out of date. Profile could be completely untrue.
After 8 days with no response, there ain't gonna be a response.
Not worth getting invested in.
I once really liked someone's profile, thought we had real potential. We spoke on the phone and it was a flat no after about 10 minutes.

He's not been online for a while because he's away on holiday with his wife and three children , all under 10, his MIL, FIL and SIL.

His girlfriend, who his wife doesn't know about, takes up a lot of his time (he messages her using his burner phone) and she's a bit pissed off that she hasn't seen him for a while

He joined the dating site to find someone who'll accommodate his specific sexual kink, but has realised that he just doesn't have time each day to pursue this at the moment

It’s not normal, no, and will be entirely to do with whatever’s going on with you at the moment, nothing to do with this phantom guy. Obsessing over him is filling some gap or distracting you from something, like the way we might normally daydream a bit but this has got out of whack already. Focus on other things in the real world and don’t feed the fixation. Not unless you really get that it’s no different to ‘falling in love’ with a fictional character and only give it that much credence.

Google ‘Limerance’. Then put your phone away and go out for a walk

Bless you - you need to keep telling yourself you don't know this guy or anything about him, hs pictures may even be AI generated and there may be no such person!

I do think you will find internet dating a bit brutal. I was doing it on and off for about 8 months. I get plenty of matches, but I would say the majority never reply to a message and just unmatch right away. Of the ones that reply, usually it fizzles out quickly. Or they turn out to just want sex and nothing else ( I am fine with NSA sex but I at least want a date first!). OR they are super full on and want to be exclusive straight away, start talking as if you are a couple before you have even met etc.

That leaves about 0.1 % of blokes you match with where it actually might progress to a date!

Seriously, in maybe 4-5 months of pretty active Bumbling I only met three guys in the flesh - and I am not even super fussy, I give most people a chance.

I am now seeing (FWB rather than relationship, which is best for us both right now) someone who was actually an old acquaintance. (Ironically we did meet first through a dating app, but years ago, and kept in touch for all those years). You might be better pursuing a relationship like this with a person you know in RL - someone in your friendship group maybe? Or is there anyone you know through work or hobbies? You get the picture. Someone you won't be tempted to imagine stuff about (not judging you, I think we've all done it once or twice - seen an intriguing looking person and imagined them to have all sorts of intriguing qualities. I certainly have!)

Try speed dating first

I don’t think you’re suited to online dating.

Anxious attachment, it’s brutal.

But why do you think like this? I don’t really understand… in his profile he wrote that he is not married and he doesn’t have children

This is very unhealthy.

The majority of dating app conversations will not go anywhere.

People disappear, people are weird and some aren’t even single to start with. Some have no intentions to ever meet anyone. You can’t assume everyone you interact with has good intentions, because they don’t.

You sound vulnerable and new to dating? in my experience I’m nearly always disappointed no matter how appealing they seem online. You could be getting your hopes up over nothing. Please don’t put them on a pedestal, let them prove first by consist communication and that they are decent in real life too, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak to get attached so quickly.
Silence means they aren’t interested or you’ll just get hot and cold treatment at best.

He wrote that he's not married
I wrote that he is married
You don't know either of us
So.....you believe who you want

It’s a joke. You badly need to lighten up , I don’t think you’re cut out for internet dating.

...why would anyone write that they aren't married...on a dating profile. Seems a bit weird.
Probably intends to tell you he lives with his ex still, somewhere down the line, 'but we never married, honest'.

So what's the deal with him, besides being weird and potentially dodgy? Pirate shirt, black eyeliner, sexy mullet? (...is that just me? Ok xD).
But he's obviously your idea of hot. Hense the crush. Chances are he's popular unfortunately.

Just remember, Lucifer was gods most beautiful angel...and that apparently did not turn out so well. You may be dodging a bullet if he doesn't come back.

Why do you all think I’m not cut out for dating? I’m new to this and still young, and even though he’s older than me, I know that most people on these sites aren’t decent they want a physical relationship on the first meeting or do very strange things that make you feel disgusted when you think about them. Some are even married and have a mistress on the side.
But I think he’s different, I don’t know, I just feel that way. It’s crazy to think like this about someone I don’t know at all, and I know it’s not really healthy to think like this. Maybe I’ll forget him with time, and he will go away just like many other things have gone away. I think everything will make sense in time.

I have been there so am not judging when I say this. You are not well and have absolutely no business dating. You have a lot of work to do on your self-worth before you think about adding a bloke into the mix.

honestly, he’s not even attractive just average, the most normal, average person you could ever see. There’s really nothing special about him, not his hair, nothing he wears that’s sexy or could catch your attention (not a mullet or eyeliner or whatever your saying) … he actually looks more than just ordinary, like someone you could meet on the street and never look at again.
And you’re right, he’s weird to me too, I don’t know him, he’s not trustworthy because I don’t know him, and he’s definitely not famous. I don’t think you could ever meet a famous person on a dating site anyway, even if I were someone who cared about celebrities, which I’m not
I’ll ask myself what this is then maybe it’s that strange kind of love at first sight, but whatever.

Being this attached to someone you've never spoken to or even met is not normal, and in some ways a bit sinister. Do you usually latch on to total strangers like this, or is the first time it's happened?

That is odd!

But then, hormones are funny things.
Could you be perimenopausal?

Or maybe you've just been single a while so are romanticising.

Maybe he reminds you of your fave actor?
Or a childhood crush?

Just remember lust is not love. It's just hormones.

Don’t they all

Sorry but if this real then you here to delete dating apps and look at therapy because this is so far removed from normal

Have you been talking previously to him not responding or have you literally just reached out and messaged him to establish contact?

You definitely sound over invested in what is essentially a complete stranger, take some steps back from online dating as this is not a normal and healthy reaction.

Thank you for sharing this.
I you tubed it and its been a total eye opener for me (I know its nothing to do with me) but its actually really helped me