Private Investigator

[ReallyConfused]

Has anyone every used one? How much do they cost?

Seriously thinking about hiring one.

Something to do with some ' dignity clause' is this just bullshit? My friend was very specific about their conversation. She even told him to end it, he said he was going to try.

Been a victim of this and the denial sounds so familiar. THe hiding paperwor, passwording things and taking the mobile everywhere, working late etc. I was able to find out the truth for myself but if I hadn't I'd have made damn sure I found some way to.

He's now turned the tables on me saying he can't live with me checking up on him all the time, I have to be able to trust him if we have a future together.

He never hide anything from me before but them I never had any reason to question anything, I never even looked.

Galaxy - how did you find out?

B**cks to that. His behaviour warrants checking up. Find out the truth or you will drive yourself nuts.

I had that one too. "Never look at my post; never look at my phone bills etc etc" The thing was I trusted him implicitly.

I really do hope that this is all some terrible mixup and he is telling the truth.

I don't know what else to suggest - it's the not knowing that's hurting you isn't it?

But how can you trust him when he's being so secretive?

Have you told him how distressing this is for you?

Galaxy your so right. It's just I need to know the truth oneway or the other. How did you find out then? If you don't mind me asking.

Coz he was a prat. He forgot that he'd asked me to set up a landline dial up to his ansafone on his mobile some 6 months before. He started taking the mobile everywhere, going away on extended business trips ( I suspected but went into denial).I also found a slip of paper with the name "CLaire and a phone number on it.

One day he took the phone into the bathroom and I heard the voicemail signal beep. Went to the landline and diallied his voicemail. Heard this girl's message, challenged him and he admitted it. Although he did try the "we're just friends" bit for a while. Since found out from Freinds Reunited that they're married with a kid now.

"Dignity Clause"??!?!?!

Is he a BISHOP?

sorry about that apalling spelling!

dh has been through this with his ex too.

I found this on a random website:

I had an affair with a senior colleague and now I have been asked to leave. I feel that I have been dismissed because I am a married woman. Isn't this discriminatory?
If there was evidence that your work had been seriously impeded with a poor work performance, or that the relationship had been conducted very publicly and had lead to loss of trust and respect among staff and clients, then this would not be sex discrimination. However, if dismissal was simply because the employer's sensibilities were offended because you were having an affair as a married woman, this could be marriage or sex discrimination.

He's so clever, he always makes me feel like it's my fault and that if and that it's all in my head. I told him to move out a few weeks ago and he refused, he knew that i'd back done. Why can't I be strong. I get so annoyed with myself.

I'm so sorry reallyconfused. It sounds horrible. Can your friend who he confided in help you at all? Does she offer any suggestions, or aren't you that close?

Don't beat yourself up. It's harder to accept the truth sometimes.

I have to go now but keep posting as I'm sure there's wiser people out there than me. There's also probably less cynical people out there too.

Thank MP, so basically it is bullshit. I think deepdown I new it anyway. When I went to call her he said ' at least what until she's at work her husband hits her' how could live with that.

MP - we were/are really close. She says the only way I'll ever know is if I catch him out. I know she's right.

Honey I would have just heard "at least wait until I've had a chance to talk to her" I'm afraid.

I don't mean to make you distrust your DH and maybe there's a completely innocent explanation to it all, but it really sounds like your suspicians are right.

How are you today?

think im in the same position as you reallyconfused! ive changed my name for this post as i know a few other posters .. (not a troll) ive found text messages on his phone from a a girl in his office, who insists is just "banter" my arse and found messages on his phone from his friends askin if hes still " humping" her whey hey lads banter AGAIN! i went in to see this girl in her place of work and left her a message with her boss telling her to tell her to stop all the shit cos i know about it! think it has stopped but i feel like such a bloody fool! i so wanna leave him if he is still cheating but love him so much but dont wanna be without him, yeah im a weak fool! your story so could be my story i know exactly how you feel! its that humiliating feeling that he could do this , when im at home cooking his tea washing his clothes making his pack lunch for work! sorry just had to say i know hw you feel right now!

Sorry that you are going through this too shouldileave.

thankyou galaxy how did you find the strength to actually leave? its the whole leaving the life i've worked so hard to build, my lovely home (material things i know but if i walk out i'll leave with nothing everything is in his name... which is another story) just hope it has endied everytime i try and onfront him he makes me feel like a loony, so dont say much about it these days, feel like im being walked all over!

Mine was a relatively easy decision as I had no children and a well-paid job and we weren't married. That didn't make it any easier to deal with the feelings of hurt and betrayal that I felt.

Unfortunately, I'd been a naive twit on more than one occassion but that's a different story.