My mum hates that I buy cheap clothes

[user1471867483]

She used to like me in NEXT classy clothes but now my taste has changed; I now like vinted, charity shop clothes and Primark. She screams at me saying how classy I was back in the day, but I like what I like. I never look tarty, but I just have my own vintage style! She hates me wearing used/previously worn clothes, but that's me! I'm 54! Who's right?

Primark clothing will be cheap. Charity shop and Vinted may not be expensive but could still be classy and well-made. However you should not accept anyone screaming at you and your mother's opinion on what you wear is irrelevant.

Someone that screams at people and judges their choices will never be classy regardless of where they buy their clothes.

Is she actually “screaming” at you? Or is this similar to when I’ve seen teenagers in comment sections using “she screamed at me” to mean “she disapproved without raising her voice”? (It’s a genuine question, I’ve seen it used like this often recently!)

If she’s literally screaming at you about your clothing choices, she’s absolutely in the wrong, she’s utterly unhinged, and she needs to calm the fuck down.
If she’s disapproving of your clothing choices (without screaming), she’s still 100% in the wrong, but plenty of parents feel entitled to comment on their fully grown children’s style choices. Just ignore her and wear what you want.

NEXT is classy?!!

WTF?

I wouldn't be able to resist buying Next items off Vinted just to piss her off.

Tbf, 'classy' isn't something I aspire to in clothing so I wouldn't know but Next is clothing for people who lack personal style and worry about what other people think of them - hence dull, middle of the road and safe 😉

At 54, you can wear what you like. I don't think clothing is inherently "classy" or "tarty". (And I think "classic" may be the word she's looking for for old-school NEXT). But at the moment you CAN (not always WILL) find much nicer and better-made things in a charity shop - certainly, most vintage things, but even many items from 15+ years ago - than most high street shops, which have gone downhill fast in terms of using cheap fabrics and cutting corners on construction and fit.

If she's saying a specific item looks worn out or doesn't suit you then she might have a point worth considering, but if she's hating anything you wear just because it's secondhand, that's not helpful. And if she's really screaming about your wardrobe, I would worry that she may not be well.

Why do you even associate with someone who habitually screams at you?

I can’t afford to shop in those stores, neither can I afford Next.

My clothes are mainly George, Vinted and the occasional dress from Yours Clothing.

WTF? You need to ask? Anyone screaming about 'classy' has any 'class' themselves.

You're entitled to dress how you like!

Oh good, it’s not just me who doesn’t like ‘classy’ as a concept.

I’d have thought you’d have a better chance of finding cheap good quality clothes on Vinted than you would in Next though.

I never buy anything from Next. I always find the clothes badly cut and boxy.

does she really ‘scream’ at you about clothing ? Sounds like Joan Crawford

Judging by the OP's previous threads, you're not wrong.

Yer not wrong, I have wide as fuck shoulders and the recent jumpers I bought from there in a 4/6? are like a tent on me. I'm in no way narrow, rugby shoulders my fil says on a 115lbs frame.

@user1471867483 She would bloody hate me then as all my jeans are next, topshop, miss sixty etc 2000's era ebay/vinted buys.

I’d want to scream at you not to buy stuff from Primark (I wouldn’t though).

Just been to Primarny today, great for basic black vest tops for work and a couple of pairs of jeans (that fit like they are made for me! No other jeans fit as well, bonus is they were £9 each). Got Dd a couple of bits including some bras that she really likes and fit her well.

Primarni - it’s a spoof of Armani

Op my DM didn't like the fact I brought off vinted either. I told her I'll buy what I want and from where I want it has absolutely nothing to do with her. I've had some real bargains off vinted some new and some second hand. I saw I coat I wanted online last year but it was £70 and I wasn't paying that so snooped on vinted and found one tags still on for £10. I've had loads off there cheap. My wardrobes never looked so healthy to be honest.
I personally don't like next at all. I've never found anything I like in there. So many people are shopping cheaper now due to costs. Continue to wear what you want as long as you are happy who cares.

Start telling your mum your clothes are from all
the shops she likes then she will start saying how smart you look. Then u will have the last laugh at how silly she is being.

Your clothing is irrelevant, what matters here is her rude and judgemental attitude towards you. Unless you live with her l'd be visiting very infrequently, and at the first hint of criticism l'd leave. Boundaries OP!

She reminds me of how tearful I used to be at my birthday party when I was 5 because I was painfully shy and a lousy mixer. I still struggle socially to this day and prefer solitude. She still reminds me to that to this day. She had a birthday card a week ago and the person who sent it moved to another city and said how her three daughters chose a house for her where she now lives and mum hasn't been the same since. Mum said to me, "As if I'm going to get that from you who's scared of everyone. If it wasn't for your shyness and fear of people, I'd have had a son-in-law and grandchildren by now" and this is how she yells at me ☹️. We both want to move, but we don't have any support/network like this woman who sent the card has. Mum said she hates me and how useless I am

Why is it any of her business

my dds tend to shop in charity shops or Vinted but that’s up to them

What's tarty then op?

Why do you even care, especially at your age? Your mother shouldn't be screaming at you for anything, let alone how you dress.

You can both have your opinions, there's no right or wrong but she shouldn't be screaming at you about it. I'm guessing there's a history of emotional and verbal abuse from her that has conditioned you all your life to this point where you care about it.

Time for boundaries, tell her it's not up for discussion any longer and if she continues shouting at you or even mentioning your clothes you won't be able to spend time with her.

You sound so trapped with your mum. Do you live together or is it that you just spend a lot of time with her? Do you work?

For what it's worth, Vinted is the source of the "classiest" clothes i own. I've had Armani, MaxMara and LK Bennet from Vinted.