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Original poster

Marriage over but husband wants to remain in house

39 replies

Southernstatue · 26/09/2025 08:02

I will try and keep this breif but want to give a bit of backstory.

Our marriage has very much been rocky all year as my husband has become very paranoid and believes because we have had less sex this year that I must be getting it somewhere else.
He has struggled with severe depression in the past and believe it may be rearing its head but he is refusing to seek any help this time and it is impacting the whole family.

He went on a night out with some friends and came home and woke me up at 3am to tell me he had kissed someone else. He then said he didnt mean it and only said that to me because he thought it would get me to admit that i had been doing worse (which i haven't).

Its so stupid and i have tried to move forward from this but its not the 1st that hurtful comments have been made with a similar thought process from my husband so this time I refuse to go back. I dont want this to be the gold standard for our sons on how to treat women and nor do I want our daughter to think this is acceptable in a partner.

Sorry i really seem to have gone off on one.

My question is has anyone let their husband remain in house after breakdown of marriage? I think it is weird and he helps very little as is, so i don't think there would be any benefit to him staying? If you made it this far, thanks for taking the time to read this.

OP posts:
CandleMug · 26/09/2025 08:05

He sounds paranoid and I can see why you’re fed up. I agree with what you say. It won’t help anyone living in the same house so he’ll need to find alternative accommodation

warmapplepies · 26/09/2025 08:06

Unfortunately he has just as much right to remain in the marital home as you do - so you need to get some legal advice. I’m sorry you’re going through this - he sounds unwell.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 26/09/2025 08:08

The only benefit I can see will be financial in terms of costs of accommodation etc.

ShesTheAlbatross · 26/09/2025 08:09

I don’t think you have any legal right to decide whether or not to let him stay in a house that he also owns.

Theswiveleyeballsinthesky · 26/09/2025 08:09

Just to be clear, is he proposing

  1. you and the kids move out?
  2. You move out and the kids stay with him?
  3. you separate but all live in the same house?
saltandvinegarchipsticks · 26/09/2025 08:09

Is the house owned or rented, and if rented is it a joint tenancy?

MyDownstairsLooisHaunted · 26/09/2025 08:11

Its not really a case of 'letting' him stay. It really depends on your living situation.

He would have a legal right to stay just as much as you do if its a joint tenancy or joint ownership.

It really depends on what you can both agree.

Tigerthatcametobrunch · 26/09/2025 08:14

Id use this incident to get him to move out. You were ok living together and sharing a house; but him coming into your room at 3am to tell you about a woman he has pulled is unacceptable.

If he says it's not, ask your solicitor to write a letter to that effect to his and get it on file.

As you say, it's a shit example for your kids, but it's fucking unpleasant and unkind to you.

INeedAnotherName · 26/09/2025 08:17

If you are married then you both own the house and both have the right to live there. You have three options.

He buys you out.
You buy him out.
It goes on the open market and you each get a share of the equity.

Of course he could volunteer to leave, or you could, but neither of these are viable long term and could create even more problems. He's seemingly mentally unwell/unstable so aim for the clear, legal options.

Omgblueskys · 26/09/2025 08:21

Hi op, why do men do this ' you must be getting it some were else shit,
And then admits to a kiss to get a reaction from you, sorry your dealing with this,

As to staying in the home, i did this op nearly two years before I left, so I continued with all the day to day house stuff cleaning cooking shopping admin, nothing had changed except for separate bedrooms, I became resentful and was lonely, he was happy with dinner clean clothes, Sunday dinner with family, so I moved out, I needed to find me again not become his house keeper, I went from wife to house keeper op so as long as your happy doing this then that's OK but eventually you or h will have to move on

It's hard at times as finances keep us together
Good luck op,

Hardhaton1 · 26/09/2025 08:26

You need legal advice because there are probably implications of leaving.
If he’s depressed and paranoid, I wouldn’t be leaving any children with him

ButSheSaid · 26/09/2025 08:38

Neither spouse gets to let the other live in the house, it's a marital asset. Will you buy him out?

Jellybunny56 · 26/09/2025 08:40

As others have said, it’s really not up to you to “let” him stay, he has just as much right to be there as you have.

Your options if you don’t want to continue living together are to leave yourself or buy him out ASAP.

Daleksatemyshed · 26/09/2025 09:10

If you divorce the finances including the house will be settled by the courts, until then you can ask him to leave but you can't make him. Stop doing his laundry, don't cook for him, don't do anything for him because he won't go while he's still getting looked after Op

Meadowfinch · 26/09/2025 09:39

Try not to remain in the same home as him if you can avoid it. If he is unwell and convinced you are having an affair, he will be focused on proving that, which is not healthy. It could quickly get out of hand.

I think you need legal advice and you need to file for divorce, to make it clear to him that this is final.

Suggest he moves out and you take on the whole mortgage if you can, or you could rent a bedsit locally and you swap every other week, while the DCs stay where they are.

Good luck.

Original poster
Southernstatue · 26/09/2025 14:11

Theswiveleyeballsinthesky · 26/09/2025 08:09

Just to be clear, is he proposing

  1. you and the kids move out?
  2. You move out and the kids stay with him?
  3. you separate but all live in the same house?

He is proposing that we separate and live in the same house. He has told me to look after the kids and he will look after himself but we all remain under one roof

OP posts:
Original poster
Southernstatue · 26/09/2025 14:13

Omgblueskys · 26/09/2025 08:21

Hi op, why do men do this ' you must be getting it some were else shit,
And then admits to a kiss to get a reaction from you, sorry your dealing with this,

As to staying in the home, i did this op nearly two years before I left, so I continued with all the day to day house stuff cleaning cooking shopping admin, nothing had changed except for separate bedrooms, I became resentful and was lonely, he was happy with dinner clean clothes, Sunday dinner with family, so I moved out, I needed to find me again not become his house keeper, I went from wife to house keeper op so as long as your happy doing this then that's OK but eventually you or h will have to move on

It's hard at times as finances keep us together
Good luck op,

Thanks for taking the time to answer this. Sorry to hear you have been through similar yourself. It really does suck. Hope it all worked out for the best for you when you left!

OP posts:
Original poster
Southernstatue · 26/09/2025 14:19

Hi everyone. Thanks for your responses, we own the house and i am fully aware its not just of case of letting him stay or putting him out but its not ideal and is becoming a toxic environment which isnt good for our 3 children.. i only work a couple of shifts in the local shop so although i can make do and keep myself, the kids & my fair share of bills, I dont think i will be able buy him out. He earns far more than me but he squandors his money on get rich quick schemes and online competitions that never work out so tbh i dont think he would be in a position to buy me out either. Definately going to seek legal advise and see were I stand. Thanks for your help everyone x

OP posts:
Theswiveleyeballsinthesky · 26/09/2025 14:19

Southernstatue · 26/09/2025 14:11

He is proposing that we separate and live in the same house. He has told me to look after the kids and he will look after himself but we all remain under one roof

Show quote history

thank you for clarifying

i can't see that working. On a practical level does he understand that "looking after himself" means doing his own washing, shopping, cleaning up after himself & even if he does, unless you live in a mansion most areas other than bedrooms like bathrooms & kitchens are communal. I suspect in order to make life manageable for the DC you'd still end up doing most of the domestic.

it's his house too so you can't make him move out but I'd be very firmly saying that if he won't then the house will have to be sold

otherwise you and the DC will inhabit a horrible limbo where you're not a couple anymore but you've not moved on either. It'll be a miserable existence

isthesolution · 26/09/2025 14:20

How old are the children?

Original poster
Southernstatue · 26/09/2025 14:21

isthesolution · 26/09/2025 14:20

How old are the children?

3, 6 & 10

OP posts:
Original poster
Southernstatue · 26/09/2025 14:22

Theswiveleyeballsinthesky · 26/09/2025 14:19

thank you for clarifying

i can't see that working. On a practical level does he understand that "looking after himself" means doing his own washing, shopping, cleaning up after himself & even if he does, unless you live in a mansion most areas other than bedrooms like bathrooms & kitchens are communal. I suspect in order to make life manageable for the DC you'd still end up doing most of the domestic.

it's his house too so you can't make him move out but I'd be very firmly saying that if he won't then the house will have to be sold

otherwise you and the DC will inhabit a horrible limbo where you're not a couple anymore but you've not moved on either. It'll be a miserable existence

Show quote history

Yeah i dont think he has really thought out the logistics. Going to seek legal advise but getting the feeling from peoples responses that selling the house might be the route to go

OP posts:
itsmeits · 26/09/2025 14:30

Southernstatue · 26/09/2025 14:11

He is proposing that we separate and live in the same house. He has told me to look after the kids and he will look after himself but we all remain under one roof

Show quote history

I hope to God he will still be putting some hours in with the kids?
You will need down time also, and a morning off here and there at a weekend. Remind him if/when he bitches - once the house is sold he will be having them on his own at some point.

Omgblueskys · 26/09/2025 14:39

Southernstatue · 26/09/2025 14:13

Thanks for taking the time to answer this. Sorry to hear you have been through similar yourself. It really does suck. Hope it all worked out for the best for you when you left!

Show quote history

Thank you op,
Just seen your updates op, and if the plan is to both stay in the home you both have to have some ground rules, this him looking after himself won't work op it will make a difficult situation even more so,

So you both have to agree to live like flat mates, both for yours and children's mh, otherwise this won't work,
So sharing all house hold responsibilities, shopping, cooking, cleaning, if he does cook he does more house work, washing, you both do house hold admin as you both need to see that all bills , food shop, petrol, gardener what ever but both need to see this on paper,

Him sorting himself out what does that look like, guessing you'll do food shop for you and children and hell come in and use this food, toiletries, soap powder, definitely sit down with him and have a plan, this will effect the children too if he makes it difficult for you, so it can work but you both have to agree to certain things, its about almost trying to be a family without the sex,
Oh and anything in his bedroom, cleaning washing he can start to put that in place, just bringing his bedding down and putting on his own fresh bedding, hope this makes sense op

isthesolution · 26/09/2025 15:10

Honestly I’d rent a flat and say he stays there or you do. And if he doesn’t go then you go. I assure you with children that young hell be begging to swap before the week is up!

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