Friend is horrible to her husband- should I say something?

[Scousersandwich]

My friend over many years is pretty mean to her husband, puts him down in front of people, tells him when he can or can’t go out etc. he’s a nice man, as far as I can see, and I feel really bad for him. I also feel really uncomfortable around this when she behaves like this.
should I say something?

I’d think it was due to some underlying reason in their relationship, would ask her if they were ok in a roundabout way, as you picked up in some tension between them.

I would say something, probably to my detriment. I can’t stand seeing people treated like that. I think I’d ask in private if she’s okay and say I’m checking because I’m not used to hearing her speak to people like that.

i choose to raise it with my friend when she was being vile to her husband. I asked her, is everything ok with the two of you? And she said - and I quote - oh, so you’ve noticed how horrible he is to me then?

They are not married anymore. I decided I didn’t want to be friends with her either.

They might have a cuck situation going on.

@Sdpbody my wife had an affair. I found out. We almost ended but made it work.

We are still working on it, especially her.

One thing I promised. I would not use the affair in any argument or use it to get my own way ever. I would not taunt her with it or throw it in her face in any way.

Because honestly, what's the upside of doing that? She knows what she did and is fully remorseful of it and we both want us to work. I want her to be happy and using the affair would make her miserable.

When I have times the affair gets to me and I feel angry I tell her what's going on with me at that time and we talk it through or she gives me the space to work it out on my own.

@Scousersandwich yes please absolutely talk to your friend.

I went through a horrible time with my wife recently and at the worst she would do stuff like that. It turned out she was having an affair and was just so angry with me during it to cover up her own guilt and feelings. If I left then she would be free of the guilt. Her words after it all came out and we decided to make us work.

I don't know if that is the case with your friend.
It could be she is just a horrible person.

I have a very good friend who went through that and I did call his wife out on it. I then learnt that his wife was emotionally and physically abusive behind closed doors. Being called out on her behaviour in public towards her husband helped him a lot in taking back control of his life. He ended up divorcing her and is now in a great relationship and is happy.

When good people stand aside and do nothing. Or something along thise lines.

For godsake just leave him. Don't drag your kids through your shitty marriage. He will probably cheat again, especially if you are constantly spiteful to him and he got away with it once. I get why you are hurt and yes he fucked up the marriage, but you have to either move past and forgive or split up. Not spend the rest of your lives bitter and miserable, playing the marta "for the kids". They absolutely won't thank you for it.

Yes, you should absolutely say something to your friend and her DH. Bullying is abuse and not saying anything condones the behavior.
Your friend may hate you for it - but it’s morally/ethically wrong not to intercede.

I used to be somewhat terse with exH when we were in company, mainly because in private he was a nasty piece of work towards me, critical of all my family and friends, but in front of them the nicest, friendliest, charming bloke you could imagine! It used to deeply upset me and I would be decidedly "off" with him in company, because I couldn't help it.
Perhaps OP your friend is in a similar situation, especially if she is generally a nice person.
You genuinely don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

Is everything okay between them ? Maybe this is why she's snippy x

You don't know the full story of what's going on at home so either talk to her about it mind your own business or end the friendship

Absolutely not. Unfortunately, you can't or at least shouldn't say anything.

I’d want to be honest and say your rudeness to your dh makes me really uncomfortable.

The likelihood is that you will lose the friendship, are you comfortable with that?

Have this with someone I care deeply about. Just do not know how to handle it.

why not?

I couldn't agree more. He made a mistake either get over it, or get out. He doesn't deserve to be abused forever ..