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Original poster

Asexual husband?

29 replies

Opal26 · 25/09/2025 01:16

Hello,
I've been married for 10 years. From day 1 of our marriage my husband did not want to have sex or kiss. It's been like that since day 1. In our first year we slept together maybe 3 times.

He always has a million excuses like I'm tired, oh I just ate heaps, going to sleep. When he can sense I'm going to initiate he will say oh I need to take a shit or a piss. Then laughs and says go down on me first. It's a way go get out of being intimate. I've spoken to him in several times about how it makes me feel etc. Like there's zero intimacy, he doesn't even like kissing because apparently it makes his lips dry.
During our first 5 years of marriage he wouldn't kiss me and only sleep with me say 2-3 years a year. Only because I would get upset about it.

He will hug, snuggle when I ask for it but again I'm the one always asking. I'm just done feeling unloved. There's no passion and I can't understand why he is like this. He just says it's normal. He says I'm sex obsessed and horny all the time. He has bought me a sex toy in the past. Initially when I asked can you stay and kiss me, he would sigh and say do I have to. He just didn't want to
He wanted to me to use it by myself and well leave him alone.

We have two boys. He was only interested in sex when he wanted to pro create. After giving birth to my first he said there was no way he could ever sleep with me after seeing me give birth. He was repulsed.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 25/09/2025 02:51

I don't know what his problem is but if I were you, I would leave. I couldn't be with someone I had to beg for affection and physical contact with. Just leave him, you can find someone else and have a normal loving relationship - that you deserve.

bluebettyy · 25/09/2025 03:15

He could be asexual, gay or just doesnt see you that way. What were things like before marriage? Find someone else who wants sex. I’m sure there’s plenty of willing men out there.

BeMintFatball · 25/09/2025 03:15

Sounds miserable. He won’t change. Accept him as he is or leave. Sorry OP you deserve more Flowers

Zanatdy · 25/09/2025 04:29

Sorry to say but he won’t change. I couldn’t live like this. You’re not sex obsessed, just want what’s normal in a relationship, but seems for whatever reason (and guess he could be asexual) he won’t give this. I’d personally end the marriage.

beachcitygirl · 25/09/2025 04:51

Why did you marry him?

PermanentTemporary · 25/09/2025 04:58

Were things different before your eldest was born?

He is effectively reporting quite intense trauma after the birth (though ?seems to have been ok to go ahead and have another? Did he attend the birth of the second?) Would he consider counselling? Maybe EMDR?

I think I would stop initiating. I don’t think he should have to have sex he doesn’t want.

Im afraid there is zero guarantee that there is some perfect relationship out there, but there is nothing wrong or abnormal about wanting sex.

SouthernForAWeek · 25/09/2025 06:24

Move on. This sounds awful

Icanttakethisanymore · 25/09/2025 07:18

I’m sorry OP but it sounds like he has been very consistent in his behaviour around intimacy; he is not interested. We can muse on why that might be but whatever the reason, it’s clear. I would have thought that marrying this man was an implicit acceptance of a life without intimacy- did you really think it would change?

Either way, acceptance or separation sound like your only two options.

Gettingbysomehow · 25/09/2025 07:24

Im asexual myself and I'd say leave. You are clearly not getting anything out of this marriage.
I live on my own because I wouldn't want sex from a man and Im very honest about it. Your husband is not.
If he won't go for counselling or explain why should you be unhappy.

Girlmom35 · 25/09/2025 08:10

You say since day one of your marriage... Do you mean since the day you met him, or after you got married?
If this was the case before marriage, why on earth did you marry him?

Smithey588 · 25/09/2025 08:37

This is definitely not normal, and he is either gay, asexual , doesn’t find you attractive or has just married you and used you to have kids and a ‘happy family’ - I suspect it’s the latter.

He will never change, there are men, just like there are women, who aren’t into sex and physical intimacy and he is one of them.

I’d leave OP and find someone that makes you feel wanted and loved.

Daleksatemyshed · 25/09/2025 08:49

Was he the same before marriage or did he change ? If he was never interested in you sexually why did you think marrying him would change him?

Suednymph · 25/09/2025 10:15

Does he fancy men?
Asexuality is actually a spectrum. It does not mean you do not want to have sex it usually means you only want to have sex with certain people or types of people.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 25/09/2025 11:54

Given that he's been like this from the start, how on earth did you let the relationship get beyond a couple of months?

UpDownAllAround1 · 25/09/2025 12:15

Was he an Asexual boyfriend ? Eiher way you aren’t happy or compatible so leave

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 25/09/2025 12:17

He goes for a shit, laughs and then tells you to go down on him? There's being asexual and then there's being rude.....

Parsleysalad · 25/09/2025 12:18

We have two boys. He was only interested in sex when he wanted to pro create. After giving birth to my first he said there was no way he could ever sleep with me after seeing me give birth. He was repulsed.

What a cruel thing to say. why did you marry him though if he didnt want to have sex ever?

Bippybop · 25/09/2025 12:26

You knew all this from day one and still married him.
Why?

BankfieldForever · 25/09/2025 12:32

Suednymph · 25/09/2025 10:15

Does he fancy men?
Asexuality is actually a spectrum. It does not mean you do not want to have sex it usually means you only want to have sex with certain people or types of people.

No it isn’t. Did you just make that up to make OP feel like its her ‘fault’?

If you want to have sex - ever, at all, with certain types or groups of people…you’re not asexual.

BernardButlersBra · 25/09/2025 13:18

He said he was repulsed by you giving birth?! How else was he supposed to get children. His comment is mean, cruel and unnecessary. I would be long gone. This sounds like a nightmarish set up

keyser · 25/09/2025 13:21

Sorry, day 1? why did you get married ? kudos he managed to sleep with you 3 times a year and hit the right dates to make babies.

keyser · 25/09/2025 13:22

sometimes we have to take accountability! YOu married him knowing this, I wouldn't think you have the right to now complain.

TwistedWonder · 25/09/2025 13:46

There’s a huge difference between being asexual and being a spiteful rude nasty prick who enjoys humiliating and ridiculing you.

I know it’s too late but as op have said why the fuck did you marry this horrible man?

Suednymph · 25/09/2025 17:14

BankfieldForever · 25/09/2025 12:32

No it isn’t. Did you just make that up to make OP feel like its her ‘fault’?

If you want to have sex - ever, at all, with certain types or groups of people…you’re not asexual.

Show quote history

Google is your friend. Trust me, asexuality is a spectrum.

Brightbluesomething · 25/09/2025 18:28

I’ve no idea why you’d marry a man like this. But you did and you have choices. I couldn’t stay in a relationship without sex. I’d leave. You need to decide whether you can or if it’s too important to spend the rest of your life pretty much celibate. And being insulted by the sounds of things.

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