Is attraction usually mutual?

[ConfussledbyAccounts]

I like a guy at work. We're both single.
Whenever I'm near him my legs go to jelly, my stomach twists and I feel so turned on.
He looks at me, he smiles and he's always complimentary about how I show up in my role (we don't work in the same team).
He's never inappropriate but I cant help thinking that if I react that strongly to him there must be a mutual chemistry. Or am I deluded?

Oh I wish if you felt that spark that it was always mutual! Wouldn't that be lovely and make things so much easier.

I agree with this. I had this last year and it was definitely mutual attraction - not acted on as both in relationships (plus he was a younger work colleague!) but it's the awareness of the other person, an awkwardness around them and just something in the air.

As he's not in my team and his role interacts with others I don't get loads of opportunities to see how he interacts with others but he's always super friendly with everyone. So maybe it is me reading too much into it.

@piknik your message is my experience too and I think perhaps that is clouding my judgement here. It feels palpable to me.

I like the suggestion of having tickets and inviting him. I'm actually staying with my best friend in a couple of weeks and I know she'd be up for being part of a plan.

You can have the tickets and invite him and if he comes along what will you do next? He might be wary of starting an office romance.

If a man is interested you’ll know pretty quick. He’ll tell you, show you, offer to travel to see you, go out of his way to make spectacular human effort just to hang around in your company. He will make a move. A physical one and this happens soon, as in, less than a month. If that hasn’t happened, he’s not interested.

Signed - someone who learnt the hard way

I'm starting to agree that this has been going on too long without progress to have a positive outcome. I'm going to do a bit more subtle hint dropping but if that doesn't work then it's time to stop fantasising.
Perhaps he does feel it too but doesn't want a work relationship or perhaps he doesn't fancy me at all in which case I need to try and get over my schoolgirl crush!!

"If a man is interested, he'll make it very clear" is another trope that gets bandied around a lot here.

Particularly in an age of MeToo, men in the workplace are going to be a lot more cautious, and I think this mindset of "he'll show interest" just exists so that you don't have to contemplate making a move yourself.

Some men are shy, sometimes women have to make the first move.

I don’t think it’s always mutual when looks come into it.

But the times when I’ve had a really strong attraction to someone who isn’t necessarily my “type” looks-wise, it’s been mutual.

I think chemistry comes into play; Mother Nature knows you’ll make strong healthy offspring.

I think it’s quite natural not to make a move in a situation like this where they obviously work together - it’s not exactly risk free. He’s probably waiting for you to give the nod - surely you can cobble together some kind of work drinks and invite him?

We're having drinks on 25th Feb as a team so he may or may not be there. If he is I'll try and strike up a more flirty conversation. Eek!