Is attraction usually mutual?

[ConfussledbyAccounts]

I like a guy at work. We're both single.
Whenever I'm near him my legs go to jelly, my stomach twists and I feel so turned on.
He looks at me, he smiles and he's always complimentary about how I show up in my role (we don't work in the same team).
He's never inappropriate but I cant help thinking that if I react that strongly to him there must be a mutual chemistry. Or am I deluded?

I didn’t I said in my experience. No one can talk about more than that really?

Both times I’ve felt that level of insane chemistry it was mutual. I married the second one but should have run away from the first!

I'd love to be brave enough.
The chemistry I feel is like nothing I've experienced before. It's visceral.

It’s the best feeling isn’t it OP! Makes going to work fun (for a change!). I’d just sit back and enjoy it until the Xmas party.

It's a wonderful feeling, yes. But in my experience there's no correlation between strength of feeling and whether or not its reciprocated.

Ask him for that coffee. At least then you'll know where you stand.

@Alwayslurkingsometimesposting
Me too on the gay one.

Try a new perfume, if he notices it & comments HE IS INTERESTED.

@ConfussledbyAccounts Is attraction usually mutual?

Clearly not, because most men are attracted to most women. If attraction was mutual, then most women would also be attracted to most men.

Asking someone for coffee isn't a big risk. It's not a date - friends go for coffee. Waiting for Christmas is too long! Ask him for coffee or lunch. If you get on, give him your number. He can decide whether to respond.

Good luck!

No it definitely isn’t always mutual. I’ve had huge crushes on people who whilst being perfectly pleasant to me have clearly not felt the same way.

I’ve also been on the receiving end of very persistent men who were totally convinced we were destined to be together forever and I had zero interest in them. Two of them happened when I was happily married (still am) and caused considerable harm to my husband’s trust as these idiots we’re calling the house/sending letters and gifts and he couldn’t believe that I hadn’t given them cause. I hadn’t, they were deluded stalkers.

I like this idea!

Oh I am still so confused!! He is just as nice, friendly and we have moments of intense eye contact where my insides turn over. However, nothing has happened to make me think he definitely likes me.
At the Christmas party we spent ages talking and had a cigarette together outside. Then later I saw him leaving alone.
Since then we've had plenty of chats and the other day spent 90 mins together at the end of the day until 7pm just chatting about life, interests, travel etc.
There was one point where we stopped talking and had this moment when our eyes met. We were sitting next to each other on a sofa in the coffee area. To me the chemistry was palpable but I still don't have a clue if he feels it too. I have an almost painful sense of longing for him. Argh!!

This has always been my experience too.

ok, sounds like you are ready to ask him out

I really hope you're right!

I wish I were brave enough to ask him out but I know I'll bottle it!!

OP I don’t know because I don’t have any experience of being that into someone (despite being 50) and any time I’ve noticed a man being interested is because they make it clear (I’m married for ages but that doesn’t even stop them if they get an idea). But it’s been around 5 months since you first posted .. and he’s done nothing.
It’s attraction from you and not chemistry??? Maybe? Why didn’t you say something even vaguely hinting at interest at the Christmas party?

the chatting so long at the end of he day sounds like there is some connection - even if just as friends you have obviously hit it off.

That's what I thought- why stay late chatting over coffee if he didn't enjoy my company?
I wonder if because we are work colleagues he's worried about crossing a line? I know that's partly of why I'm worried about putting my feelings out there.

I think he'd have made a move by this point if he was interested.

You can't tell from your own feelings if someone else has them, you have to try and read how they behave and either make a move yourself or wait for them to. Love is always a risk.

I've definitely felt massive attraction to someone before. One person in particular, we got along so well, so much flirting, eye contact, talk for ages, I get goosebumps, we shared a lot of personal stuff, gave each other advice and support, always a twosome to the point that I think people would think something had happened between us. But alas, no, he wasn't into me at all. Instead after a few months I found he was setting himself up with a girlfriend who he is incredibly happy with and from what I hear about her she is blooming lovely so good for him.

Book two theatre tickets to a show or Concert & tell him the friend you were going with has informed you she cant go now, & would he like to accompany you to the event. ( maybe ask him first , then get tickets)

Best wishes whatever happens 💐

If he hasn’t made a move from September until now, it seems he isn’t going to.
Are you certain he is still single?
Are you certain he’s straight?
Does he spend any time with any other female colleagues?
Do you have each other on social media/phone numbers?

I hate to say it OP but if he fancied you he’d have made a move by now.

Going against the crowd here...

You can have a crush on someone that is not reciprocated, of course you can.

But if you feel chemistry between you, if there is holding eye contact a second too long, compliments, banter, teasing and that feeling of electricity flowing, in my experience this two way attraction. That kind of energy is usually generated by subtle flirting that is almost subliminal, but very definitely flirting.

I have never had that level of 'crush' without getting something back to 'crush on' if that makes sense. And it has always turned out to be reciprocal.

No, attraction is not necessarily mutual. It's pretty solipsistic to assume that.

That you started this thread in Sept and he hasn't made a move in all these months indicates lack of interest. Move on.

After your updates OP, I honestly think he'd have made some kind of move by now.