When was the last time you met up with a friend??

[GoGoFloFlo]

Realised today I’ve not met with another adult through my own choice for a month. I met a friend in August for a short dog walk. Not seen anyone of my choosing since. I’m sad and lonely.

I WFH (not ideal but fits in around young DC) and my job doesn’t really even involve many meetings.

I say hello and make small talk on the school run. I go to the gym 3x a week and again say hello & make small talk to a few regulars.

I only have one local friend.

I tried the “join a club” approach. Everyone else in the club formed a friendship group but I was left on the sidelines (I found out they were all planning a trip together, I wasn’t invited. Ouch). I’ve kind of distanced myself now.

Thought I’d make friends through Dc but that hasn’t happened - not one person invited us out / round during the entire summer, despite me hosting plenty. I see on social media that lots of the other school families do stuff together.

I’m always on the sidelines.

I try to get involved. I’ve volunteered, I’ve been class rep etc. But I just end up doing the grunt work & getting nothing back.

I’m mid-40s. I want some community. I want friends not flakey acquaintances. But I’ve tried and failed so many times. I just can’t face anymore.

I have five close friends but we don't meet up often. I guess I see friends about once a month. Mostly we met through hobbies or study so we had something in common originally and when we meet we do things related to the hobby or subject we studied.

In my experience it's much easier to gel with people who share your interests rather than 10 random folk thrown together at a gym or work.

Thanks @SeaAndStars
The club I joined (in fact helped establish) was related to my hobby. But still no joy.

Agree I don’t expect to make friends in the gym, I’m just there to lift weights.

I really have no idea. 6 months ago maybe. It sucks.

Yesterday. At her fathers funeral

A week ago, I have about eight close friends who I wish I could see more of but we are all so busy, I have other not as close friends.
i work at home so go a bit mad if I don’t see people but can’t always afford to go for lunches, coffees, etc. my best friend Louvre three hours away but we message every day.

@Herewegoagain751 you are so lucky in that regard. I would love to have that in my life.

It’s not been easy, I moved to a new area 20 years ago and took a long time to make close friendships, some aspects of some of my friends I don’t like but no one is perfect.

I’m pretty good at organising meet ups but try not to be pushy and get the hint if someone doesn’t like me!!

Can we not edit posts anymore? Written Louvre instead of live!!

I meet up with a friend at least once a week for coffee/ lunch / dog walks etc Have recently been made redundant so my friends are my sanity!
Edited to say that I do chase up with friends to make the regular meet ups happen.

Saturday , met a friend and went to cinema
Mon ( and tomorrow) met DSis for bike ride and coffee
Thursday go to crochet club with another friend

We are all retired though , so have more time without having to work or take kids to school

I think this is quite common op. I have struggled with friendships all my life and only recently would I say I have a few friends that I see once or twice a month and that works well for me. I think this is due to a few reasons. I have become more confident in being myself unfiltered around others, I have made an effort to make arrangements with people and always said yes where I can if they text me. Also I have been lucky and met some new people who are also looking for friends and actually reciprocated. Keep trying op , try a different group. One baby group I went to everyone ignored me, the other one I made friends. Where abouts in the country are you? There might be others on the thread who feel the same and live in the same town ( if you don't mind sharing ,which is understandably might ! ) X

Last Friday, seeing another friend this Friday. That said, I have put a lot more time this year into friendships. Last year was a bit crisis, crisis. I try not to turn down social invitations and to be a bit more open. I am naturally very shy, introverted and don't talk a lot. But I'm a good listener and have a lot of interests. Maybe join another group?

Monday - took preschoolers out together

Sunday - friend met us in town with her kids and we did skate park/pub lunch/playround

Sat night - friends’ birthday drinks

Fri night - nice weather so spontaneous bbq at Monday friend’s with the kids and husbands.

Feel really lucky to be in a good spot at the mo, it certainly wasn’t always this way! Had a very lonely decade in my 20s. Keep trying OP!

Last week. I don't generally, or haven't done recently. I'm too tired, too busy and I'm not good at organising anything. I've been like this since I started working Mon to Fri. Working five days full time, renovating house, husband commuting, dog walking, and several short breaks have left no time and energy to see friends. Hopefully this changes in January. I don't know how others find the energy or time on top of work and house stuff.

It was over the summer, and that was the only time this year. I'm quite a dull person so people don't rush to spend time with me. I was lucky to find a husband who shares my uninteresting interests.

I've never had a big circle of friends largely due to work, kids etc. I also don't really need that as I'm a solitary person by nature. I do have three long term friends, one lives in Spain and we message regularly, the other lives some distance away and I haven't seen her for over a year but we do chat on the phone. The third friend lives close by and we meet up regularly, usually at soft play or a children's park as she has a young child and we have care of our granddaughter who is the same age.

I was just thinking today that another month has gone by & I haven’t met up with anyone but it’s just life - I am lucky to have some very good friends, including 2 from secondary school. Have you tried volunteering OP? Or taking an evening class? One of my closest friends was from a reflexology course that I took & I get on extremely well with her husband too.

2022

And before that, 2011.

Sunday. We’re making friends with the couple who bought my dear friend’s house. I contacted them to suggest we visit. I took along lemon drizzle muffins, with which they served tea

We had fun, didn’t overstay our welcome, and got to know them a little better. I think they appreciated my making contact, though I see you’ve tried. I’m sorry no one reciprocated an invitation during the holidays. Accept that these people aren’t your people but don’t give up - your people are out there 💐

Yesterday after work , went for walk and coffee.
I tend to see friends 1.1 or sometimes three of us.
I wfh too . It can be isolating . But I’ve made a friend and we meet up every few months.
have you tried things like book clubs?
also other mothers at the school?

I saw a friend last Friday evening. I usually meet up with at least one friend a week. It’s mostly walks but then we chuck in something a bit more exciting from time to time.
I made most of my friends after I had dc and joined playgroups. Two really close friends are from dcs school.
Everyone just seems so busy these days that it’s hard to make new friends.

DH and I moved to a new area almost three years ago. I knew I'd have to put effort into making friends but it was hard.

I'm sorry that meeting people through your hobby didn't work out. I tried that and luckily have made a few good friends through that route. We now all meet up three times a week, just for an hour to do our sport together but we also do social stuff - we've been to the cinema a few times, been out to dinner etc

I joined a book group when I moved, and have met people through that. There's only one other member who's become a close friend but I'm friendly with the others.

We also joined a pub quiz team, which has been great. I appreciate that's trickier if you're on your own, but if it's the sort of thing you're interested in you could always ask on your local FB group if anyone else is interested in making up a quiz team.

I hope this isn't insensitive, it's not meant to be, but could you be coming across as too needy? I met someone earlier this year who I've become friends with. She's lovely and I do enjoy meeting up with her, but she is very needy - she's always texting to suggest going out, and I cant always do it due to working FT, being on a committee of a charity, sports etc. If I turn her down a couple of times in a row she starts sending messages asking what she's done to offend me. It's quite wearing. I'm not saying you are doing this, it's just something to be aware of.

Good luck.

Last week. I probably have a get-together with a friend at least once a week.
I always seem to be the organiser. Earlier this year that was bothering me - I took a step back and … nobody called me. I realised that it works well for me when I sort it out so am back to being the organiser and everyone is happy again. Friendship sometimes needs effort and that’s tough when you’ve got a lot to do.

Sunday