New partner of 6 months, we've found each other in our mid 40s. We get on very well and now at the stage of talking about moving in with each other in the near future. It's been quite intense, we talk with each other every day, sometimes for hours in the evening and although this frequency is new for us both, I think we are enjoying the novelty of finding each other and getting along so well.
We've both been really open with each, and I feel like I can talk with them about anything. He's also really open, and we've kinda bonded over our openness with each other.
He's on a bit of a journey with his feelings, in that he says it's the first time he's felt like this about anyone, and that his buttons are being turned on after being something of a robot after being hurt many years ago. I appreciate his way of communicating how he's feeling.
He's got non trauma induced hyper vigilance, and can sometimes feel our conversations really get into the long grass over things that happened in the past , where I've lived, what I've done, etc. He really wants a rich picture. We talk about how different our brains are - I don't find all that historical ground that helpful but he seems to like to build on it.
A realisation for me recently was that I gave him a clear boundary, I would answer general questions about my past in relation to previous relationships, but I wouldn't go into details. I'm bi and he wanted to know what kind of sexual encounters I had with other women but I just didn't want to go there because I could just see a never ending list of questions.
Becuase I gave a clear boundary, his response was that his initial thoughts of having the 'perfect, uninhibited relationship (aka totally open)' was not going to be the case, and instead, he could feel his buttons, being turned off -
I'm a little bit miffed, to say the least that a 45 year old seems to be recalibrating his whole view of a relationship based on my communication of a boundary. It's okay to draw the line, and this still be a healthy relationship",
Part of me feels like he's punishing me for not bearing all. I absolutely need pockets of privacy, of experiences that are just mine, and his intensity to know everything is a little suffocating.
I'm also feeling like I need to pull back a bit and give some oxygen to our 6 months relationship, by suggesting we calm it with the nightly video calls. I'm just feeling like I've been swept up a bit and need to check in with my gut on this one.
Curious, when you introduced a boundary in your relationships, what do you expect?