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Original poster

Am I being paranoid

70 replies

MoodyBlues1 · 22/09/2025 14:44

So there is a single woman who has started to socialise with us as a group. When I first met her she would blank me and only talk to my partner, eventually she started to talk to me, so I let it slide. In the past few weeks she seems to be paying a lot attention to him. She turned up my house for partners birthday bash, I had no idea he had invited her. He has agreed to work at her house ( payed of course) last week he was at hers for 2 hours, to fix something, and I didn't say anything.

Anyway fast forward this weekend and we are at dinner party and a mutual friend told me that this woman has been coming to her house frequently whilst my partner working on her house. That she had brought pasties down. She told me quite a lot and a couple of people were in on the conversation and saw I was upset. Partner left and I stayed at my friends as did not want to talk about this after a few drinks.
When I got home yesterday morning we ended up having a huge row and I told him what I had been told. He went absolutely mental and the row was not good and we both said stupid things. He then went to the friends house to confront her and came back to say she had not said anything. Which I know is a lie.

This all feels wrong and I don't think it is physical but I needed assurance nothing was going on but he didn't, he now working at hers all week, even though I asked him not to.. He has moved out and said will not come back unitl I apologise. He is calling me paranoid and jealous and controlling. Am I? I really am not thinking straight. Some thoughts please.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoodyBlues1 · 24/09/2025 10:43

Well he did not come back to his caravan last night and has changed his relationship status on FB, what an absolute man child. Just show the total lack of regard he has for me

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 24/09/2025 10:50

Tell him he’s got til x date to collect his belongs from yours otherwise you’ll bag them up and leave them outside.

Dont take him back - he’s shown you loud and clear he has no respect

Omgblueskys · 24/09/2025 11:37

Omg!!!!! MoodyBlues1 what an absolute twat,
Personally I wouldn't even msg him, just pack what you can put out side send pic and block and get the locks changed today op, block him on all social media too op,

When your ready he can collect the rest of his stuff at your convenience of course,

You know, so don't give him any pleasure by having it out with him op,

Change any wifi passwords or doorbell passwords he may be on

What a shitty way to treat you, at least you can walk away with grace, head held high,

Find your anger today and do it op, nothing he says will matter now,

Good riddance,

Userengage · 24/09/2025 12:15

Jesus, he has form so why are you bothering? There is nothing here to question, he did it before and you let it slide (even though it sounds as if you had actual evidence). The house is yours so just put him out.

Original poster
MoodyBlues1 · 24/09/2025 12:48

I have had no communication with him what is the point, the last thing he said there is nothing to talk about and I am bit right in the head, he is showing the utter contempt for me. A rotten way to treat someone. And in his head he will think he is in the right. Seems like I was paranoid after all.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoodyBlues1 · 24/09/2025 12:53

I meant NOT paranoid

OP posts:
Omgblueskys · 24/09/2025 13:22

MoodyBlues1 · 24/09/2025 12:48

I have had no communication with him what is the point, the last thing he said there is nothing to talk about and I am bit right in the head, he is showing the utter contempt for me. A rotten way to treat someone. And in his head he will think he is in the right. Seems like I was paranoid after all.

No your not paranoid op, but he definitely is wrong, this is ewful what he's done,
Remember this is on him, don't ever let him tell you otherwise,

Find your anger op

NebulousSadTimes · 24/09/2025 13:39

the last thing he said there is nothing to talk about and I am bit right in the head, he is showing the utter contempt for me. A rotten way to treat someone.

He's behaving like this to protect himself from his own shortcomings, to protect his pathetic ego, and to tell himself he's doing the right thing.

It's sheer manipulation on his part but very useful to you. It shows you the sort of person he is (he may well have done this before in which case you'll be able to see it's a pattern) so you can protect yourself. You're already at the no communication stage, which is good, but if you're ever tempted to re-connect, just remember this. And the rest.

Getting your head round the way you've been treated is a whole nuther ball game. It's a headfuck, sometimes having an understanding of their behaviour can help you - to see that it's them not you, but the best thing you can do is move forward, whether that's running for them there hills or just putting one foot in front of the other. Do what you can when you can and treat yourself well Flowers

Original poster
MoodyBlues1 · 25/09/2025 10:22

NebulousSadTime

That is all very true. In his mind he is innocent. I know he has been telling people I am mad, insanely jealous, I treat him badly, controlling, alcoholic. Funnily enough this is exactly what he said about his ex wife and all the other woman he was in relationship with after his wife left him. Luckily there are few people who know what the real truth is.

OP posts:
Dery · 25/09/2025 10:30

@MoodyBlues1 - sounds like you’re much better off without him. You’re probably aware now but it’s a red flag when a man describes all his exes as controlling, crazy etc. It means he treats partners badly. You’ve already had one taste of it. Let this be your last.

Don’t get hung up on why he does this and who knows the truth. He’s just a selfish manchild who’s not worth the headspace.

NebulousSadTimes · 25/09/2025 10:35

MoodyBlues1 · 25/09/2025 10:22

NebulousSadTime

That is all very true. In his mind he is innocent. I know he has been telling people I am mad, insanely jealous, I treat him badly, controlling, alcoholic. Funnily enough this is exactly what he said about his ex wife and all the other woman he was in relationship with after his wife left him. Luckily there are few people who know what the real truth is.

Their accusations are admissions.

It's good that some people around you know the truth, that can make you feel less alone Flowers

Original poster
MoodyBlues1 · 25/09/2025 14:02

I like accusations are admissions. If I am honest this has been building up for a long time. He has been accusing me of being nasty to him and when I ask for an example he is unable to give me one. When I ask him to slow down when he is driving he calls me controlling, its madness. He started an argument last Friday which justified him going to the bar on his own. Then told my out friends I didn't want to go out. It was a cycle that kept repeating itself.

OP posts:
UpMyself · 25/09/2025 14:04

He sounds exactly like my XP. Bin him.

Lighteningstrikes · 25/09/2025 14:55

He’s a very low horrible man.

He’s very clearly made his bed, so kick the bastard out for good. They deserve each other.

Original poster
MoodyBlues1 · 25/09/2025 15:33

He may or maybe not be with someone else but really doesn't matter. He has left so many times before and treating me badly. Why would I want to be with someone who if treating me with contempt.

OP posts:
bloodymary2025 · 25/09/2025 15:49

Get his cavarvan towed! Or put it on market place. He sounds awful.

Baggyit · 25/09/2025 16:04

Driving too fast to scare you is abuse and can be reported to the police.

Original poster
MoodyBlues1 · 25/09/2025 16:31

I'm abroad so am limited what I can do. I don't want to be spiteful. I just want him to remove all his tools and I can have a peaceful like,

OP posts:
NebulousSadTimes · 25/09/2025 16:33

MoodyBlues1 · 25/09/2025 14:02

I like accusations are admissions. If I am honest this has been building up for a long time. He has been accusing me of being nasty to him and when I ask for an example he is unable to give me one. When I ask him to slow down when he is driving he calls me controlling, its madness. He started an argument last Friday which justified him going to the bar on his own. Then told my out friends I didn't want to go out. It was a cycle that kept repeating itself.

He sounds like a carbon copy of my ex. He accused me of everything he was doing to me, apart from the cheating because when would I have had the chance, he knew that would be an accusation too far. I too asked for examples of what he was accusing me of, he couldn't answer.

He was also an angry driver, that's a very common tactic of abuse.

It can be hard to see the pattern when you're under their spell but we always do eventually, then we see them for what they are. Inadequate. And once you are a bit further down the line he will become irrelevant to you @MoodyBlues1 , I hope that's not too far away for you Flowers

Original poster
MoodyBlues1 · 25/09/2025 16:37

MoodyBlues1I am sorry to hear you went through that. It's all rather strange

OP posts:
ginasevern · 25/09/2025 16:38

MoodyBlues1 · 25/09/2025 16:31

I'm abroad so am limited what I can do. I don't want to be spiteful. I just want him to remove all his tools and I can have a peaceful like,

I think you've got rid of the biggest tool in your life OP. Don't let him blag his way back.

Original poster
MoodyBlues1 · 26/09/2025 15:13

Update, so he has agreed to take his stuff and cats and I asked for date., said he will give me the time frame by the weekend. I said I just want us to be civilised and he has agreed. Lets see.

OP posts:
Omgblueskys · 26/09/2025 15:29

Op roll on your peaceful life you have stayed strong op, keep it going 💐

PunishmentSnart · 26/09/2025 15:58

Just go and put his stuff outside his caravan and never speak to him again!

NebulousSadTimes · 26/09/2025 16:29

Fingers crossed it'll all go without any drama @MoodyBlues1 . If he doesn't keep his word about staying civilised be prepared to grey rock him. Don't feed his want for reaction.