So sad I’ve let him go!

[Pinkfuzzyoctopus]

Hi all, I’ve got to leave a few things out about this story as it would be easy recognisable to someone who would stumble upon the post. I’ll try to share as much as possible.

I left an abusive relationship a few year ago. Not physically abusive but mentally. This man broke me down. I stayed single for a long time. I was pretty scared to let my guard down plus I had my kids to think about. Their Dad had a new partner within a couple of months of me leaving (somehow I don’t think she was very new) and it screwed the kids up. I didn’t want to cause them anymore upset.

Anyway, let’s rewind about a year ago. I met a guy. Hit it off straight away. We were friends but there was a mutual attraction. I enjoyed his company. We would talk about anything and everything. Spoke every day. After about six months we slept together. We had a great evening, he came over for food, watched a film and then one thing lead to another, it wasn’t planned, it just happened. Fun was had by all. However, that was the last I heard from him. I was gutted. We were so close, such good friends then boom…gone. It took me a while to get over it and I had just started to when he came back with his tail between his legs and gave me a reasonable explanation. He received some awful health news. He seemed sincere, explained the situation fully, acknowledged that he caused me pain and upset and didn’t push for forgiveness as he said he would understand if I told him to piss off. I forgave him but laid some boundaries around honesty etc.

The contact started back up. I was very clear that sex was not on the cards because I was hurt so much the last time. He was fine with this. Again we spoke every day, texted, arranged to meet but it didn’t materialise due to work commitments but we still kept in touch. He would disappear for a week or so but he was going through treatment (a small text wouldn’t have gone amiss but never mind) so I let it go. However, this has become a pattern and I’ve had enough. I do have feelings for this guy, I have tried to stop myself but I can’t help it. I contacted him last Monday and said this is not right, going AWOL, not replying to my texts, shit explanations for the lack of communication. I deserve better.

Please tell me I have done the right thing, I mean I know I have but it hurts to walk away when I have feelings for him.

My ex was vile, I am by no means perfect but I did my best by that man and I think I deserve better. I then choose an emotionally detached, flaky guy who treats me like shit and I just think I deserve more. I should be loved the way I love, cared for the was I care but I feel so sad about saying bye to this guy.

Please be kind, I’ve only ever been with my kids’ Dad so this new world of dating and relationships is crazy!

Enjoy your Sunday all 😘

You’ve done the right thing. Stick to your guns. Well done OP.

I wish I had your courage! Really well done for realising you deserve more x

Yes, you’ve done the right thing.

You’ve done the right thing! Don’t look back. You deserve better.

His behaviour sounds well dodgy. Sounds like you’ve swerved a bullet there OP. It does suck when you click with someone who won’t commit, but in the long run, as hard as it feels now, you are better off without him. Chin up, tits out, forward…

You are right. You are strong. There will Be someone better. Sending love. ❤️

Of course you’ve done the right thing. You’ll forever be torturing yourself if you put up with behaviour that doesn’t make you happy.

is the health scare thing definitely genuine?

Is this man just a friend you slept with once? If he's just a friend it's not unreasonable to have gaps between replying to messages.

I would agree but I’m talking gaps of three and four weeks. I send messages to him and no reply then he comes back with some half arsed excuse as to why he couldn’t reply.

He never trips himself up so I would imagine it’s genuine. He tells me the meds he is taking, appointment dates and times, in depth chat about the problems so I would say it’s genuine. If it wasn’t then he is one sick individual to lie about something like that!

absolutely don’t waste a minute more of your time even thinking about this guy, let alone texting or meeting up with him. You’re worth more than this!

What health scare takes you away for weeks on end with no contact op,
Does he look unwell, do you see his medication if any,
This is all very strange op,
You either do some digging or you dump,

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 all over this op

He said the health condition and the meds made him poorly and there was a struggle with his mental health. To be honest I should have walked away a long time ago but as he was ill I felt bad and wanted to be a support, looks like I’ve been taken for a fool. It’ll teach me for being so soft. We haven't met up so I don’t know how he looks unfortunately. He hasn’t shown me the meds but he has told me about them, what they are and what they are for.

Hea dodgy love. You've done the right thing.

Yeah you’re totally right. Everyone is. I am reading my post back and reading my replies and I am realising what an absolute idiot I have been. Completely blinded.

Totally done the right thing. You will be quite low after getting out of the previous relationship as well so might not see things as objectively as you will once you’ve had time to process everything. If you carried on then you’d have years of this back and forth and constantly questioning your worth and get more and more worn down and older as well. I’m in awe of you for nipping it in the bud. I know it’s a cliche but try and show yourself a lot of kindness and work on your self worth.

I don’t know about taken for a fool. I’d not behave the way some people do if I knew someone really liked me I’d not lead them on if I knew I couldn’t match their interest as it’s a shitty thing to do. I also wonder about similar people in my past about how they could act like that when they must have known I was lonely/vulnerable/easy to charm and hurt but I’ve not yet understood it cos I’m not like them and I don’t think like them. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just don’t give this type of person any of your self cos they don’t appreciate it.

Op so this guy disappears for weeks on end no contact,

So you do know what health condition he has,
Were does he live,
Who's supporting him through this poor health condition,
Does he work, can he work
In the event you may need him, ( in an emergency) let's say, what the,

Why wouldn't he want you supporting him through this,

It's so bloody dodgy op,

Do you wonder if he is living two life's,

I do know the health condition, if he is lying about it then he is a shittier person than I realised. He is at work but then takes time off for treatment.

I’ve been such a good support already, not blowing my own trumpet but I’m a good person with good intentions. I’ve talked him through some dark times. He obviously hasn’t appreciated it.

He could be, he assured me that he was single but who knows these days!

You've 100% done the right thing. What was his response if he had one?

Thank you for your kind words.

My ex done a right number on me, he has moved onto his next victim now. I am well shot of him but he has turned me into an insecure little bag of nerves.

I will get there eventually, I think counselling is going to be useful for me. But I will try to learn to love myself and take better care too.

Would it surprise you if I said there wasn’t any response? Yeah, a big wall of silence.

Thank you for your kind words.
My ex done a right number on me, he has moved onto his next victim now. I am well shot of him but he has turned me into an insecure little bag of nerves.
I will get there eventually, I think counselling is going to be useful for me. But I will try to learn to love myself and take better care too.

I’ve had a similar thing. And still go over it in my head. If the friendship meant nothing, if he tolerated me just to get a quick shag. I’ll never know though. I would probably be sickened if I saw how his mind works. It was cruel what he did. And the one before him who seems to get to sail through life with a steady stream of women who will love him. I can only work on me and finding the many things that bring me joy and there’s loads to be enjoyed in life. I do have many joyful times these days and makes me think I wouldn’t have them if I was still with either of my exes cos I was either being controlled or on edge waiting to hear back from some mediocre man and wondering if I’d done something wrong. Hope your counselling helps, good to just be able to talk it through.

Have you not met up in all this time??